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Family maximums
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amother
Oak


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 9:01 pm
I'm the person in charge of these kind of programs for our shul. I chair a committee focused on the shul experience for our members.

We always have a family maximum. This is because the purpose of these events is to build community and relationships. If families don't come because it is prohibitively expensive EVERYONE loses out because that sense of community is not developed. So yes, if you work out the per person cost it is less per person with a family max, but your community is diminished if people don't come.

Incidentally, when working out the cost for events (bbq, dinners, trips etc). I look at the actual cost, compare it to how much I think people are willing to pay and find sponsors you make up the difference.

I find it incredibly sad that people are looking at something that is designed to benefit everybody and seeing it as a negative.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 9:22 pm
this is op- I just want to say I really am reading everyone's responses and trying to give it over to my dh so I appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you all for helping my shalom bayis Wink and yes it's not just about the family maximum it's also the per family fees in schools... My dh really is a great kind caring guy, don't want people to have a negative view of him.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:01 pm
oak-my dh's question why is there a family maximum instead of reducing the cost for everyone? or at least why is it based on family size and not financial situation?
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:12 pm
amother wrote:
oak-my dh's question why is there a family maximum instead of reducing the cost for everyone? or at least why is it based on family size and not financial situation?


My children's school has a certain annual fee that is $100 per child with a maximum of $300 per family. The reasoning I always assumed (though I don't know for sure if this is true) is that they are assuming that $300 is a reasonable amount for most families in that school to be able to pay at once, while over $300 starts to become less reasonable for many and they will get many more people who call and say they can't afford it and need a reduction and that gets more complicated.

I posted earlier that I have a small family and this is an emotionally difficult issue for me, but I still think this is reasonable. Even though I struggle financially, I don't feel like I am paying for other people's kids and in the end I am paying less than many families. I know I would appreciate this accommodation on the school's part if I had a large family.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:15 pm
cerise- I give you a bracha that your graciousness of spirit should be a zechus for you to be in the position to have not only plenty for yourself but to be in the giver position as well, you come across as a special person...
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:28 pm
amother wrote:
cerise- I give you a bracha that your graciousness of spirit should be a zechus for you to be in the position to have not only plenty for yourself but to be in the giver position as well, you come across as a special person...


Amein and thank you so much for your kind words.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:50 pm
amother wrote:
oak-my dh's question why is there a family maximum instead of reducing the cost for everyone? or at least why is it based on family size and not financial situation?


It is probably too complicated to look at everyone's income and expenses. You don't know if people are truthful either. When you count kids, it is easier for the organization, and harder for people to lie.

The same problems your husband is sensitive to are also seen in sibling discounts. It is seen in tuition reductions as well.

Smaller families subsidize larger families. That's the way it is. Because larger families have more expenses, they are given a bigger discount.

If you are having trouble paying admissions, ask your shul for a discount.
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amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:55 pm
amother wrote:
oak-my dh's question why is there a family maximum instead of reducing the cost for everyone? or at least why is it based on family size and not financial situation?

Perhaps because it makes things more complicated? I'm sure that if your financial circumstances warranted, and you asked, they would give you an even lower amount (or free).
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:30 pm
I like what a previous poster said abour bulk discount. It's really a basic business principle. Buy in bulk (tickets) get a discount. Places do that all the time for groups, whether family or friends. Even if they don't go, your price would still be the same. It's not higher because of what they are not paying.
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eimhabonim




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 5:08 am
I agree that family maximums are good for helping develop the community. But there can also be room for lowering costs for those with smaller families who are in a financial crunch. Maybe you can speak to the organizers about that.
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eimhabonim




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 5:10 am
Also, in terms of perspective, if your DH can view it that his money is going towards building the sense of community instead of funding someone else's kid's fun, that might be easier to swallow. And more accurate, too, because that's the purpose of it.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 7:57 am
squishy- yes if it was just shul maximums it probably wouldn't really bother him but it's also seen in the way most schools set up their tuition... it just seems like the way the frum community at large sets itself up.
does it bother you that just because you have a small family you are expected to subsidize the larger families?
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RebekahsMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 8:14 am
amother wrote:

My dh's response to your comment is- are people ok with him "educating" and disciplining their children? If he's paying for them then he should have a say on the way they are being educated and disciplined you can't have it that he pays but has no say....


Let’s take that a step further. My tax dollars are subsidizing thousands of people on Medicare, Medicaid, and food stamps. Do I get to dictate whether or not they should be allowed to buy milk in a grocery store, because I don’t drink it? Or that they should’ve bought ____ brand for $.30 less? Or whether they really needed that healthcare visit?

I completely understand where he is coming from. Instead of being mad that his monies support things that are a waste to him, maybe he could look at it like this: The child he’s paying for did not ask to be one of six in the family. They did not choose to grow up on welfare. They didn’t want to live a life of hand-me-down clothes and never a fun trip while watching all of their friends go out. Why should the boy suffer for his parents decisions? Maybe DH will realize that his help blessed a child and the same will come back to him.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 8:17 am
RebekahsMom wrote:
Let’s take that a step further. My tax dollars are subsidizing thousands of people on Medicare, Medicaid, and food stamps. Do I get to dictate whether or not they should be allowed to buy milk in a grocery store, because I don’t drink it? Or that they should’ve bought ____ brand for $.30 less? Or whether they really needed that healthcare visit?

I completely understand where he is coming from. Instead of being mad that his monies support things that are a waste to him, maybe he could look at it like this: The child he’s paying for did not ask to be one of six in the family. They did not choose to grow up on welfare. They didn’t want to live a life of hand-me-down clothes and never a fun trip while watching all of their friends go out. Why should the boy suffer for his parents decisions? Maybe DH will realize that his help blessed a child and the same will come back to him.

Some people feel, yes, they should have a say. Its a slippery slope. People always looking over your shoulder.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 8:42 am
RebekahsMom wrote:
Let’s take that a step further. My tax dollars are subsidizing thousands of people on Medicare, Medicaid, and food stamps. Do I get to dictate whether or not they should be allowed to buy milk in a grocery store, because I don’t drink it? Or that they should’ve bought ____ brand for $.30 less? Or whether they really needed that healthcare visit?

I completely understand where he is coming from. Instead of being mad that his monies support things that are a waste to him, maybe he could look at it like this: The child he’s paying for did not ask to be one of six in the family. They did not choose to grow up on welfare. They didn’t want to live a life of hand-me-down clothes and never a fun trip while watching all of their friends go out. Why should the boy suffer for his parents decisions? Maybe DH will realize that his help blessed a child and the same will come back to him.


Firstly, it is millions - not thousands we subsidize. The government dictates which foods are paid for on food stamps. Dr choices are limited and so on. Some people are stuck in lower paying jobs. People are controlled by accepting handouts.

I just read an interesting article about how those who accept handouts get controlled by the government.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 10 2017, 8:56 am
amother wrote:
squishy- yes if it was just shul maximums it probably wouldn't really bother him but it's also seen in the way most schools set up their tuition... it just seems like the way the frum community at large sets itself up.
does it bother you that just because you have a small family you are expected to subsidize the larger families?


Just because I am honest, I end up subsidizing Medicaid cheats at an enormous cost to myself. I pay very high local taxes because Medicaid is paid for at the county level, and in Rockland county we have a ridiculously high concentration of people who participate in an alternative economy, so we have ridiculously high taxes local taxes.

My frum community sets up renters to subsidize those with large homes. This is so unfair. Those in the know arranged their finances. I always paid full tuition even while living on an austerity budget to save for a house. I calculated once how much subsidizing other children's education cost me. It is hundreds of thousands of dollars!

I can't let these things bother me; I need to accept what I can't change. Although, I set up my children's inheritance to be untouchable by the schools.
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