s/o teachinng yourself to enjoy work around the house

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 9:49 pm

This is a spin off from the favorite household chore thread.

So I really only have 1 job I absolutely love - and it is grocery shopping. The aspect of being in the supermarket only, not writing the lists, or unpacking. Just buying stuff.

I often meet people I know there and they will often complain "here we are again, still shopping". Anyway sometimes I reply with something like this-

I used to think that as well. But then I kind of did a reframe and now I really enjoy it. I imagine that I am a woman from 300 or more years ago. Produce would have been scarce. You would have to grow a lot of things yourself, and prepare absolutely everything from scratch. I imagine how amazed and excited she would be to come to this supermarket. So many amazing things available. Chickens that have already been schechted, salted, plucked, and cut into cutlets! Incredible! And milk in bottles. And flour that has already been turned into pasta! And so many different fruits and vegetables. And cheeses. And wow this thing called chocolate! etc etc. We are so lucky, so blessed. This would be Olam Haba for a woman from so many years ago.

I have 2 questions for you ladies.

1. Is talking up grocery shopping just really annoying so I should stop doing it, or do you think it could help someone? (it certainly helps ME).

2. Do you have any tips to make other jobs more enjoyable? I think the first thing is to call them tasks or jobs rather than "chores", which to me has an extremely negative connotation.

What do you think?

amother

Natural

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:01 pm

1. Yes, it's annoying to hear a mussar shmuess when I just want to vent or make small talk Smile

2. Some ways to reframe laundry, for example:

This is incredible! I get to just dump these dirty clothes into a machine, and without shlepping buckets of water or carrying sacks to the river, without rubbing or scrubbing or using homemade soap, without boiling water or wringing out by hand, the clothes are clean in about an hour! Wow!

And then I simply transfer my nice clean clothes to another machine, walk away, and an hour later I have a pile of warm, soft, dry clothing! No carrying baskets out to the laundry line, endless clothespins, praying for a sunny day - even in the rain, my clothes are dry!

And then I get to fold each of my family member's clothing and make it look neat and welcoming. See how much clothing we each have! Not just one dress for weekday and one for Shabbos, but different styles and sizes and fabrics! I can choose how I want to look on a given day, match and coordinate and dress up and dress down! I am so very blessed.

And then I can put it into a piece of furniture made just for clothing storage! What a blessing to have a dresser, where all of my clothes can be neat and accessible and easy to find, no rummaging through baskets or piles.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:48 pm

amother wrote:

1. Yes, it's annoying to hear a mussar shmuess when I just want to vent or make small talk Smile

Ok so have spent the last half an hour thinking about this. I think that one of the problems is that in the way I wrote the op I went on and on and on and THAT is annoying. OTOH I think it is possible to be positive w/o being annoying. One way is the "pre emptive strike", AKA being the first to greet, and to do so with sever panim yaffot. So if when meeting someone at the supermarket, one says "wow did u see how cheap the strawberries are? Such a delicious, easy healthy dessert for yt!" it would change th e whole atmosphere of the conversation from saying "oh here we are again shopping for yt". Obviously if the other person says that first then the thing they most need is empathy. It is possible to small talk in a positive way maybe?

The thing is I am naturally the most negative thinker around, and I am also v affected by other people 's negative moods, so I like to try to so whatever I can to build positivity where possible. (but I don't want to be annoying!)

Your point about laundry is great! Just hard for me because I am naturally so much more excited about food than clothes.

etky

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 1:00 am

You are on the right track. Just carry over the thankfulness theme to the other chores: thankful for running water and electricity, modern sanitary fixtures, appliances and furniture that need to be maintained, fresh linens and a comfy bed that needs to be made, the ingredients in the fridge and pantry that need to be cooked, nice kitchenware that needs to be washed, the warm home that protects you from the elements that needs to be cleaned etc.
It's also ok to take pride in the outcome of your labors. The results may be transient and may seem inconsequential but they all add up to a comfortable, secure and nurturing environment for the beloved family members for whom you are performing these chores. Of course - most importantly - don't forget to be thankful for them too.

amother

White

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 1:05 am

etky wrote:

Thank you! I am not op, but I struggle with this as well, I just don't find housework fun. I'm going to try to print your post... a reminder of all the wonderful things we have is just what I need. I think this will really help me!

TranquilityAndPeace

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 1:16 am

It’s a balance.

I just had a serious plumbing issue that made two out of three of my bathrooms out of order. I was super annoyed when someone told me to be greatful for indoor plumbing and that I didn’t need to use an outhouse. There were eight people here using my master bathroom day and night! (And I have Crohns)

My husband asked what I would’ve done if I’d lived 100 years ago without running water. I told him that I probably did live then and died of the inconvenience and cold and unsanitary conditions so Hashem realized that I need to live in this era.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 1:42 am

TranquilityAndPeace wrote:

You have a great sense of humor!! Thanks for your post. I had a 9 people traffic in my master. Ugh.... at least I know someone in the world understands what this was like! LOL

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 3:36 am

T&P I hear you loud and clear. When you have suffered a loss, ie a loss of 2 bathrooms, that is definitely not a time for someone else to sing the praises of indoor plumbing. Although I might try to say to MYSELF something like BH for the 3rd bathroom. Or how on earth did people manage w/o bathrooms.

It's more like this. My MIL will often complain "oh I have to do the boring old ironing". Now I would never say this to her, but every time she says it I feel really sad. I also don't really like ironing, and I have a LOT more of it than she does. But I usually try to tell myself - great! Ironing. I can listen to a good shiur. How you talk to yourself affects your mood v much. And how we all talk to each other also affects the overall mood.

eimhabonim

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 5:22 am

I like seeing things get clean, so that is something I focus on, even if I don't like the actual chore.

I will set a timer and say I only have to do 5 minutes for things I have really been procrastinating. Then after 5 minutes I'll usually be fine with doing more.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 9:35 am

Here is a good rule to remember: work with your own mind on being positive, and with others practice empathy.

If someone is complaining about shopping, a quick empathetic facial expression or comment and then changing the subject to something more fun to talk about would be just right. But no mussar shmoozes, please, we can all get that from shiurim or books on positive thinking. From friends we want validation and understanding.

But carry on with your positive reframing, your world will begin to smile back at you : )

Optimystic

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 1:25 pm

etky wrote:

The results may be transient and may seem inconsequential but they all add up to a comfortable, secure and nurturing environment for the beloved family members for whom you are performing these chores.

This is really helpful, thank you. (And the time travel exercise is fascinating, OP) I admit I completely ignored the favourite chore poll because I just could not even pick a chore I disliked least. Going forward, I will be more thankful that I have these opportunities to do something for the people I love.

If this was the year 2217, and iChore or Google Chore or whatever did everything for us, we would not have as many opportunities to comfort, protect, nurture, and love the people in our life.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Oct 10 2017, 1:26 pm

amother wrote:

Here is a good rule to remember: work with your own mind on being positive, and with others practice empathy.

: )

I agree with this 100%.

Well- 95%. See sometimes people are complaining not because they are actually distressed, but it is just "the thing that you do". And then a reframe can help. For example, it was last sukkot that I was at the Shul kiddush. Our shul is known for having Very fancy kiddushes particularly on yt. And the "thing you do" is to exclaim "this is really over the top this time. This is crazy". So I made my "this is too much" comment to someone (as EVERYONE else was doing) and she said "No! It's wonderful. Look a all these people coming together for YT. Some of them are on their own and otherwise they would just be going home and not really doing anything for YT. This is a wonderful party." It changed my attitude completely to the OTT kiddushes. But I guess you have to be a better person than me to be able to pull that off effectively. Empathy is usually a better option.