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My kid always wants to play with neighbor

 
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justforfun87









  


Post  Wed, Oct 11 2017, 3:33 pm
My son is 5 and has his best buddy across the street. His mom is nice but very adult like and way more serious than me so a relationship never developed. They are eating a meal here for chag but it's been maybe back and forth 3 times in 3 years. Anyways my son is always begging me to play with his buddy. I feel like I am always reaching out to the mom asking for playdates, basically twice a week or so. Usually I'd say get the hint but our kids really play nicely together so I continue asking for the playdate. Today I texted her and her response was not today, thanks. Not sure why I feel rejected, I know it's silly. I feel so stupid always pursuing the playdate and her never requesting one. Should I just tell my son to cool it and rarely ask? Our kids were in same class last year but were seperated this year... I'm not sure if she requested that. End of rant.
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MiracleMama









  


Post  Wed, Oct 11 2017, 3:40 pm
Next time she says "not today" ask her to choose a time that works. "Chaim loves your son so much and he's so anxious to have a play date. I feel bad that I keep choosing times that are inconvenient for you, so when would be a good time that we can put on the calendar?"
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debsey









  


Post  Wed, Oct 11 2017, 3:41 pm
Hugs, OP. It's hard to be in that type of situation, where you're never quite sure where you stand.

Could you perhaps call the mother and say what you've said here - I notice I'm always the one to request playdates, are we imposing on you? Sometimes, people send signals that they don't mean to send. Maybe she's just really busy and preoccupied with other things, and she doesn't realize she seems standoffish to you.
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sarahmalka









  


Post  Wed, Oct 11 2017, 3:53 pm
debsey wrote:
Hugs, OP. It's hard to be in that type of situation, where you're never quite sure where you stand.

Could you perhaps call the mother and say what you've said here - I notice I'm always the one to request playdates, are we imposing on you? Sometimes, people send signals that they don't mean to send. Maybe she's just really busy and preoccupied with other things, and she doesn't realize she seems standoffish to you.


Yes I agree. Sometimes people are just on different emotional/social frequencies and we misread situations. I do that all the time, being a pretty sensitive type.
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mommy3b2c









  


Post  Wed, Oct 11 2017, 4:02 pm
justforfun87 wrote:
My son is 5 and has his best buddy across the street. His mom is nice but very adult like and way more serious than me so a relationship never developed. They are eating a meal here for chag but it's been maybe back and forth 3 times in 3 years. Anyways my son is always begging me to play with his buddy. I feel like I am always reaching out to the mom asking for playdates, basically twice a week or so. Usually I'd say get the hint but our kids really play nicely together so I continue asking for the playdate. Today I texted her and her response was not today, thanks. Not sure why I feel rejected, I know it's silly. I feel so stupid always pursuing the playdate and her never requesting one. Should I just tell my son to cool it and rarely ask? Our kids were in same class last year but were seperated this year... I'm not sure if she requested that. End of rant.


You feel rejected because you were rejected. Also, her response was pretty stand offish. That happens to be a big problem with texts. A very large percentage of language is made of body language, gestures and facial expressions. When we text, all of that is missing and causes a lot of miscommunications and hurt feelings. That being said, she probably doesn't realize that she is coming off as being snobby. Not everyone thinks so deeply into these things. It was probably just not a good day for her. Simple as that.
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Oct 11 2017, 4:38 pm
can you ask her what her attitude with playdates are? different people feel differently about them. There was a girl that whenever I called the mother said it wasn't a good time. She said she felt bad because my dd was a sweet girl but she didn't know yet what they were doing, hopefully going on a family trip etc... a different friend said she also had a hard time getting a playdate with this particular girl so we both stopped trying. I'm not mad at the mother and I don't take it personally.

On the other hand I am also "stricter" about playdates then some other people like I don't like playdates on school nights or to close to bedtime, we often go on family trips on Sundays .... so my daughter has a friend who will ask for a playdate but the timing often doesn't work. I told the mother the time that works for me but her daughter is busy then so...

What I'm trying to say it might not be personal, it might just be easier for her not to deal with playdates, or prefers less often, or she doesn't care either way so if you call great if not not, its not something on her radar.
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