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-> Parenting our children
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amother
Periwinkle
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 Mon, Oct 16 2017, 1:42 am
My very close friend has BH, a big family. Her youngest is 3 and is defiant, runs off and doesn't listen.
Many times this child has been lost, she is driving around, our friends are driving around, our kids on bikes, always looking for him. His 6 year old brother is often walking him home.
She showed me how he can get outside, so when she sleeps, he can just go out on his own.
There are windows that he can easily climb through as well.
He often crosses the street outside their house, not too much traffic, alone.
I have told her how dangerous. Our other very close friend has told her how dangerous.
How can we get it through to her to put locks on her doors, or not to let him go anywhere with 6 year old brother anywhere?
Very often on shabbat, she will daven in one shul and they will wander off in different shuls or go to different parks. This is a very often ocurrence.
Should we say anything more to her?
Should we just mind our own business?
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amother
Pearl
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 2:00 am
| amother wrote: | My very close friend has BH, a big family. Her youngest is 3 and is defiant, runs off and doesn't listen.
Many times this child has been lost, she is driving around, our friends are driving around, our kids on bikes, always looking for him. His 6 year old brother is often walking him home.
She showed me how he can get outside, so when she sleeps, he can just go out on his own.
There are windows that he can easily climb through as well.
He often crosses the street outside their house, not too much traffic, alone.
I have told her how dangerous. Our other very close friend has told her how dangerous.
How can we get it through to her to put locks on her doors, or not to let him go anywhere with 6 year old brother anywhere?
Very often on shabbat, she will daven in one shul and they will wander off in different shuls or go to different parks. This is a very often ocurrence.
Should we say anything more to her?
Should we just mind our own business? |
Growing up I had two brothers who were like that too. It's very hard. Listen, it's a problem, but the solution is NOT talking to her. I'm sure she is aware, as you mentioned you and others have already mentioned it to her. I'm sure she feels horrible and is doing the best she can.
In my case I had only 3 siblings, and 2 were defiant and the same things happened. Also the two brothers have 9 years between them, but still situations could be dangerous.
I can't think of what to do but talking to her about it again is probably only going to make her feel worse. I think though the street crossing NEEDS to be adressed. Her sons at least need to be taught to cross as crosswalks with adults or shown the lights.
This actually reminds me of this video from AFV I saw years ago about a little girl telling her parents she's going to run away, but she couldn't cross the street. It was hysterical, she kept coming back to her parents begging them to cross her over so she could run away since she couldn't cross it by herself. The street was dead empty....she was about 4 or 5.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 3:01 am
del
Last edited by Bnei Berak 10 on Mon, Oct 16 2017, 4:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Seafoam
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 3:02 am
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Benei Brak that's inappropriate
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amother
Cyan
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 4:01 am
| amother wrote: | | Benei Brak that's inappropriate |
I agree.
Leiby was kidnapped in a complete unfortunate coincidence. Nothing having to do with neglected supervision.
Op, these people don’t learn. Unfortunately, I know far too many...
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Ruchel
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 4:07 am
Talking is cute. Are you offering to supervise.
Not sure why people find it ok to write horrors about Jewish kids though. Lo alenu.
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RebekahsMom
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 4:35 am
Yes, it’s inappropriate. But not incorrect. The child is 3. He is wandering the streets alone. The 6 year old is crossing streets. And if someone sees them as an easy target, chas v’shalom, the parents don’t realize for several hours because it’s common for them to wander off. The thought sickens me!
Perhaps someone “bigger” than just mom (police/ shomrim) can talk to him, scare them a bit. Because these kids are clearly not afraid.
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33055
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 4:58 am
| RebekahsMom wrote: | Yes, it’s inappropriate. But not incorrect. The child is 3. He is wandering the streets alone. The 6 year old is crossing streets. And if someone sees them as an easy target, chas v’shalom, the parents don’t realize for several hours because it’s common for them to wander off. The thought sickens me!
Perhaps someone “bigger” than just mom (police/ shomrim) can talk to him, scare them a bit. Because these kids are clearly not afraid. |
Nothing penetrates some of these willfully blind mothers. My neighbor uses the excuse that her two year old lets himself out also when he is playing in the middle of the road. I offered to have a lock installed for her high up.
I had our Rebbetzen speak to her. I had the rabbi speak to her husband. Her husband didn't understand the big deal. He said the road is like playing in their driveway.  Their older kids do really stupid things like chase cars with their bikes. Other neighbors spoke to her. Neighbors have brought her two year old back to her when they found him far from home.
This same neighbor leaves home with her young kids unattended when she goes to simchas.
Regrettably, we had a couple of tragedies nearby of kids getting hurt by cars because they are unwatched.
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simba
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 6:58 am
Scare her that one of the non-jewish neighbors will easily call family services on her and she will have a big mess to deal with.
This is scary.
Editing to add that if you feel that this is a real danger to the child's life (I dont know where you live and what it is like there) then you should ask a Rav what measures you are allowed to take yourself. This can be considered a case of child abuse.
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SixOfWands
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 7:53 am
There are plenty of things that she can and should be doing.
If her 3 year-old is climbing out windows in the middle of the night, she needs to install window guards.
If he's leaving via the front door, she needs to install a childproof locking device, or a door alarm.
If he wanders away from whomever is supervising him, she needs to face the fact that the supervision is inadequate, and supervise him herself (or find someone who is competent to do so.)
Yes, someone needs to talk to her. Her failure to properly supervise her child is neglect. And while we all worry about kidnapping and abuse, the most likely thing is that someone is not going to see him crossing a street, and he will be injured or killed. Chas v'shalom.
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SixOfWands
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 7:55 am
| simba wrote: | Scare her that one of the non-jewish neighbors will easily call family services on her and she will have a big mess to deal with.
This is scary.
Editing to add that if you feel that this is a real danger to the child's life (I dont know where you live and what it is like there) then you should ask a Rav what measures you are allowed to take yourself. This can be considered a case of child abuse. |
Please don't threaten with those big, bad non-Jews who might actually care if her kid gets killed. If this child is in danger, call Child Protective Services yourself. Or next time this toddler is lost, call the police to help look for him.
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amother
Hotpink
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 7:57 am
[quote="SixOfWands"]There are plenty of things that she can and should be doing.
If her 3 year-old is climbing out windows in the middle of the night, she needs to install window guards.
If he's leaving via the front door, she needs to install a childproof locking device, or a door alarm.
If he wanders away from whomever is supervising him, she needs to face the fact that the supervision is inadequate, and supervise him herself (or find someone who is competent to do so.)
Yes, someone needs to talk to her. Her failure to properly supervise her child is neglect. And while we all worry about kidnapping and abuse, the most likely thing is that someone is not going to see him crossing a street, and he will be injured or killed. Chas v'shalom.[/quote
If she doesn't listen, call child protective services.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 10:03 am
| Squishy wrote: | Nothing penetrates some of these willfully blind mothers. My neighbor uses the excuse that her two year old lets himself out also when he is playing in the middle of the road. I offered to have a lock installed for her high up.
I had our Rebbetzen speak to her. I had the rabbi speak to her husband. Her husband didn't understand the big deal. He said the road is like playing in their driveway. Their older kids do really stupid things like chase cars with their bikes. Other neighbors spoke to her. Neighbors have brought her two year old back to her when they found him far from home.
This same neighbor leaves home with her young kids unattended when she goes to simchas.
Regrettably, we had a couple of tragedies nearby of kids getting hurt by cars because they are unwatched. |
WRONG WITH THESE PARENTS?! A normal person would express shame and blame herself in child care if the Rebbetzin herself is getting involved.
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33055
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 10:13 am
| Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | | WRONG WITH THESE PARENTS?! A normal person would express shame and blame herself in child care if the Rebbetzin herself is getting involved. |
The craziest part is they are in chinach!!!
I wish they would be ashamed.
I will be following looking for a solution.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 10:16 am
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I may be that French individualist but there's no solution. It's her life and we all have ours, and then to deal with consequences.
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33055
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 10:23 am
| Ruchel wrote: | | I may be that French individualist but there's no solution. It's her life and we all have ours, and then to deal with consequences. |
There are two problems with this.
1. Do we ignore the potential consequences to the baby?
2. What about the drivers and bystanders ? A few blocks away a young lady backed up and killed an unwatched child. What about the consequences to her? Any feeling person will be damaged by that incident.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 10:25 am
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Language block. I just meant, you cannot do anything.
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33055
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 10:26 am
| Ruchel wrote: | | Language block. I just meant, you cannot do anything. |
I understood you perfectly.
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nechamashifra
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Mon, Oct 16 2017, 10:36 am
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Pretend you have to answer to the 3 year old when he becomes an adult and wonders why his mother's friends allowed this kind of neglect to happen. Either call the police or let your friend know that you will do so if she does not lock-proof her house. Offer to help her put the locks up if you want to be nice.
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