Am I Spoling my toddler?

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 1:54 pm

I'm a fist time mom and My 16 month old is giving me a hard time when putting her to sleep. She refuses to stay in her crib. She cries and carries on until I'm forced to take her out. I sit on the recliner with her and it doesn't take long until she's fast asleep. And then I just transfer her to her crib. But I feel like this is becoming a routine.
Although I would like to train her to go to sleep without making a fuss, and sometimes I think to myself to let her "cry it out" until she falls asleep, I just can't do it to her. Could it be that she's scared at this age already? Or does she just like taking advantage of me?
I once mentioned it to my friend that I let my baby cry until she falls asleep and she scared me that doing so could traumatize the child.
Any suggestions to how I could implement a regular bedtime routine? Is my baby to young for that?

ckk

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 2:11 pm

You could take her out and sit with her on the recliner until she's calm. Then move her to the crib whilst still awake. She will then scream. After 2 minutes come back and take her out and sit with her and then put her back. Over and and over again.

Or you could keep her in a crib but sit with her the whole time so she can't possibly be scared. Until she cries herself to sleep. Less traumatic than being left alone but also showing her that you mean business.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 2:23 pm

In my very humble opinion letting a baby/toddler "cry it out" to sleep train is simply cruel.

You can be firm and let the toddler cry but you must be there for your child. In the same room. Talk, show your face, show you care. Imagine the fright and pain of a child who thinks that its only security is gone. A baby that age is too little to comprehend that you are in the next room. To him/her you abandoned her. Yes this child is taking advantage of your insecurities but there are other methods.
Those few times that I fell for this "method" after being pressured by the pediatrician and friends and did let my baby cry and then had to wipe my baby's wet face and listen to her pounding heart was enough to get my true mothering instincts to kick in.

SixOfWands

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 2:24 pm

HeartyAppetite wrote:

I also have a 16 MO. My advice would be to let her cry it out. She is taking advantage of you, and the only way to show her who is boss, would be to let her cry in bed. I don't think she will be traumatized. After a few days she will go to sleep nicely and forget about it. This is just my personal opinion.

Why would you need or want to show a baby "who is boss." She's 16 months old. She cannot express herself except through crying. And in this case, she quickly falls asleep in her mother's arms, and can be transferred to a crib.

While some studies have been interpreted to indicate that there is no long-term harm resulting from allowing a baby to cry, other reports show exactly the opposite -- that it is traumatic, and a form of neglect.

In any case, no expert recommends simply allowing a baby to cry. Ferber clearly indicates that the baby should be reassured at intervals.

OP, she's a baby. It sounds like you've developed a good sleep time routine of holding her until she sleeps. Stick with it.

HeartyAppetite

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 3:06 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Maybe I didn't word it right. But I meant not to let the baby take advantage of you. For example, my baby will cry to come out of his crib when me or my husband put him to sleep, but he won't refuse when a babysitter or his grandparents put him to sleep. I call that taking advantage, and he has to be taught That we will not take him out. I am lucky that he never cries for more than 10 minutes. If it would be longer I would definitely go in to calm him down.
I stated that this is my personal opinion because I know the topic of cry it out is controversial. I wouldn't let him cry for an hour, but rather let him cry a little, to show him he has to stay in bed.

Maryann

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 5:14 pm

amother wrote:

Why does it bother you if she falls asleep in your arms?
My son started doing this, I actually love it.
I put him in the crib and he starts crying as I'm putting him down I try pat him on his back and he just doesn't stop crying so I pick him up and he falls asleep takes him about 5 minutes and then I just put him in his crib

mommy3b2c

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 6:01 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I agree.

Op, you have an easy way to get your baby to sleep. Why would you mess with that? What's wrong with a baby falling asleep in her mothers loving arms? That's part of being a baby.

If you think this is spoiling, you should meet my son. He's 25 months old and sleeps in my bed every night. He won't go to sleep unless he's br astfeeding. Once he's asleep he continues to suck on my nipple for at least 20 minutes or he wakes up. He then continues to wake up every 1-3 hours all night, and needs to be nursed back to sleep. His new thing is that when I go to the bathroom in middle of the night, he wakes up and follows me to the bathroom while screaming for me to come back and nurse him. I keep resolving to train him, but he screams and I just can't bare to hear him cry.

So dearest op,

Continue to hold your little darling so she can fall asleep happily. And just be happy your not me.

allthingsblue

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 6:32 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Weissbluth actually does advocate crying it out without going into the room at all (one of his suggested methods. The other method is with going in at intervals.)

You have to weight the pros and cons. For me, I could not handle the constant waking up/soothing by nursing or holding and singing routine. It left me emotionally and physically exhausted. My husband couldn't take over as my baby only wanted to nurse. So at 9 months we did weissbluth's cry it out. The first night he cried for 50 minutes; the next night it was less; and the third night he didn't cry at all.
My son is now 3 and we have a great relationship. He comes to me any time he needs something. He is very sweet, kind and sensitive to others. I don't think he was negatively affected at all.

That being said, op, if your child goes to sleep after a short period of being rocked, and doesn't constantly wake up and need it again, I think it's totally fine to continue this routine. At around age 2 (or earlier) you can introduce a bedtime story; perhaps that will eventually take the place of rocking to sleep.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Oct 16 2017, 6:45 pm

My main problem is I want to be able to occasionally go out at night, and have my husband or a babysitter or my mom put my baby to bed. Another problem is it's harder on the child to change habits when they get older. I would also be more worried about the "traumatizing" factor. As a baby I don't think it'll be as big of a deal and a lot simpler than a 2.5 year old. Also, for me the spacing of my children is relevant. For example If this was my last baby and the last time I'm doing this, no problem, I'll spend 3 years of my life rocking and nursing a baby every single night. But if I want a Baby every 3 years for 20 years, then no, I am not interested in this method. In that case Id choose to be very strict and scheduled with bedtime, and keep my nighttime routine simpler and shorter

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Oct 17 2017, 10:22 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Do u ever getto go out?
Sounds so hard if he is so attached to you?