Swedish Death Cleaning

grace413

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 11:31 am

On my last trip to my mother I cleaned out one closet but I have to be sensitive to her somewhat unreasonable requests. Some things I was able to convince her to toss; others not. She lives in South Florida and has 3 winter coats but didn't want to get rid of them in case she goes to my sister in NY. Between you and me, she's not ever going NY again but I decided it didn't pay to argue with her.

I guess I should be happy that she's not a hoarder and lives in a 2 bedroom apartment.

Going to work on the bigger closet on my next trip.

As for my own home.....I should get rid of stuff myself.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 11:46 am

I'm 66 and I'm a purger. Just the unnecessary stuff. Yes I will keep the pile of postcards written by my xhusband to his mother from camp etc.I know my DD will find them charming and likely share them with some of her nephews. My photos are all labeled and the kids know that my 'rosebud' lurks behind a framed photo so they should have some fun finding it.

I've managed to off load lots of cookware to the DD some purposefully like my Kitchenaid other's with a flick of the wrist as I'm out the door. 'Oh not to worry about that sheet pan, hold on to it, you probably have more use for it than I do.'

zaq

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 11:47 am

amother wrote:

Do people ever hire companies to clear things out? Or do the items need to be sorted for possible valuables?

Professional organizere help people decide what to keep and what to discard, but the client has to make the final decision. Obviously a stranger can’t tell you if you should keep Aunt Maisie’s graduation picture but she can pose questions that will help you decide. Some will also cart away whatever you discard while others will cheer you on as you do the hauling.

There are also waste-hauling firms that will , cart away your stuff lock, stock and barrel. They may dump it in the town dump, sell it for scrap, or salvage, restore and resell, but once they take possession of it’s out of your hands and control.

Nobody is going to sort your stuff and give you back the diamond earrings and Silver Eagle coins you forgot you left in an old Band Aid box.

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 12:52 pm

My father, may he rest in peace, liked to collect things that he thought might have value later but had very little value at the time of purchase. It was a real challenge to determine what had increased in value and what was basically worthless. It looks to me that people of that generation valued "collectors items" and young people today are not as driven to pay money to collect original Avon bottles, Barbie dolls, sports memorabilia, etc. so I am not ever sure what value those things have currently but magazines that cater to the elderly such as AARP instruct downsize-rs to see if there is a market for those collectibles. Elderly people may also have stashed firearms among their belongings and it is important to know that before simply letting someone in to liquidate it.

Then there is the fact that there are correct and incorrect ways of disposing of old medications, chemicals and paint, old electronics and outdated and hazardous children's gear. If there is a computer, it must be purged of info. The door to the fridge must me removed and so on.

It is a big job and the earlier in old age that it is tackled, the better.

zaq

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 1:48 pm

etky wrote:

were not hoarders - just people who saw potential value in retaining things like empty appliance boxes, old newspapers and catalogues, clothing, knick knacks, old hobby and sports equipment and broken appliances that theoretically could be fixed.
?

That is pretty much the definition of a hoarder. Hoarders are not all drooling and wild-eyed loners who trawl the city dump to bring home broken flower pots. Many of them are nice people of normal or above normal intelligence who just can’t throw anything out. Because you never can tell when an old newspaper will come in handy.

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 2:03 pm

zaq wrote:

I would imagine that some of that is fear that now that there is a set retirement income, having to replace items could be impossible so the person feels like he or she must hang onto anything that could be used later. The unfortunate thing is that those things crowd out usable items and create nests for pests.

etky

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 2:21 pm

zaq wrote:

Maybe. Or maybe I exaggerated somewhat 'cause their home in no way resembled the type of hoarder homes that you see on TV. Then again, the hoarded stuff was kind of out of sight, in places we never went like the attic and basement....
My FIL, a"h had many, many hobbies and pursuits- all of which required lots of bulky equipment. He could never bring himself to toss that outdated camera or darkroom equipment, the old computer, the broken tennis racket that maybe could somehow be salvaged etc.
MIL had every chotchke anyone had ever bought her from anywhere they had visited. And she had several closets full of clothes.
Not all newspapers and magazines were kept by far, but some were, and when you're talking about a 40 year period-well things do accumulate. The attic was full of paperwork from the businesss that my FIL had sold decades ago. I don't know about pests but it was a real fire hazard. Maybe he thought he still needed his records for the IRS shock

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 2:39 pm

etky wrote:

But there again, there is the fear that the day that those business files are discarded, there will be an audit or the day that the chotchke is thrown out, the gift giver will show up and be upset or those clothes will fit again someday or return to fashion, and maybe there are collectors who want old cameras and the old computer still has information in it and throwing away the tennis racket symbolized coming to an age where tennis is likely a thing of the past. And while it was in the attic, there was the feeling that it wasn't bothering anyone and if ever there was a need for it...., not imagining that it would be the children who would be forced to spend their time disposing of it.

etky

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 2:55 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Any and all of these explanations might be true but I think also that it was a different generation. I think they regarded 'things' in a different light, as less disposable perhaps. Maybe too there was less urgency to replace still serviceable items with the latest model. And an old fashioned sense of thriftiness perhaps.
Also, I think they had a sense of rootedness and permanence that many of us no longer have. People used to move around less. It was common for people to raise their kids in one home and still occupy that same space many decades later. That type of rootedness - the knowledge that picking up and moving is not on the horizon- gives one the sense that it's ok to acquire lots of stuff over the decades.

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 3:08 pm

etky wrote:

You are quite right but I am 62 and I see that it might be hard to give away, for example, the Passover pots, pans, dishes, etc and resign myself to never hosting it for my family again. As long as I still have it, it means that them coming to me is still happening. If I downsize to a smaller place where there is no room for that stuff or for their families to have enough room to stay, that reduces me to the permanent status as guest after so many years as the hostess. I sew for my grandchildren and collect patterns. That is a hobby that I don't see too many young people having and eventually the demand for my creations may drop off as the grandchildren grow older or those patterns won't be useful, even if the kids still want the stuff. Throwing away old high school annuals means throwing away a piece of my past and coming to terms with the realization that it won't be of interest to anyone else. What I am saying is, that getting rid of things that were once important means that a meaningful stage in life in ending.

etky

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 3:17 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Southernbubby- 62 is still young for you to be giving away your Pesach pots and dishes!
It's funny you mentioned sewing 'cause sewing was one of FIL's hobbies that he eventually gave up when the grandkids were no longer willing to wear his creations. Of course the sewing machine, fabric, patterns and paraphernalia stayed anyway. I could see though why it would have been difficult for him to part with this equipment that once linked him with his grandkids. He was overall a very sentimental person. That is also a factor I think.

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 3:23 pm

etky wrote:

I am not giving them away yet but my husband retires in a few years (G-d willing) and we want to move then and I am not sure what type of place we will have but we want to live closer to the some of the kids so unless we get at least 3 bedrooms, we wouldn't have room to host them to sleep there, unless they were just coming for meals because they lived nearby.

southernbubby

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 4:19 pm

amother wrote:

I sometimes think about this. do you get rid of personal items such as your husband's letters to and from you? I wouldn't want anyone to come across it and read it so should I throw it out "just in case"?

It depends on your stage of life. Sometimes people are lucky enough to be able to downsize in stages, such as from a large home to a condo, then to an apartment in a building for the elderly, then assisted living, and so on and at each step, more stuff is discarded. If you still read the letters and cherish them then hang on to them but there is always the possibility that you won't downsize in stages and then it will be up to your children to do it.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 5:45 pm

Once my children reached the Age of Exploration, I shredded anything I didn’t want them to get their hands on. It was all stashed high in a closet and I never looked at it anyway so no real loss. I'm of the belief that the dear departed know what’s going on on Earth, and I’d rather not have my privacy invaded even after death.
That being said there’s no telling what dh has squirreled away.

zaq

Tue, Oct 24 2017, 5:56 pm

amother wrote:

That’s entirely a personal decision. You could rent a safe deposit box if it meant that much to you, or buy a small personal safe with a combination you know and don’t write down . IOr you could decide not to mind if anyone finds it , before or after your crossing the River Jordan. Or you could shred the whole thing. It may depend on how often you look at the stuff, if at all, and how deeply you would mind if it were found and read in your lifetime.