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What is with the staring in Lakewood?
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 2:36 pm
amother wrote:
I live in Lakewood and no-one ever stares at me, either...

I'm guessing that you dress differently than a typical Lakewood woman, would that be why they are looking at you? Perhaps they are looking at you because you just look... different.


But that's no excuse for staring.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 2:40 pm
Amother teal, here’s the thing: in most societies where people live in very close quarters, they learn to build “virtual walls” . In Japan with its houses with paper walls , in England, in Soviet-era Russia where several families might have shared a four-room flat, in the overcrowded tenements of the Lower East Side, people pretended not to hear or see anything that was going on. . It was the only way to maintain an appropriate distance and illusion of privacy. I don’t understand why ultra-frum Yidden—IME it’s only the ultra-frum—haven’t learned the mussar of “mah tovu oholecho” aka MYOB, but persist in this ulta-rude, ultra-obnoxious behavior.

ETA I refer to adults. Children are children all over and have to be taught. There is hope for rude children.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 2:56 pm
I think it's mostly the kids, no? At least that's been my experience. I always assumed it was mainly due to not being accustomed to a range of different looks. Where I come from, you'd have to be really out there for my kids to register you as different.

But in a more insular community, where differences in kippah material are indicative of huge differences in one's hashkafa and lifestyle, I imagine things stand out very significantly to these children that are not noteworthy to others.

I had to learn this when I started drifting out of my MO reality and through family and marriage etc started being exposed to a more right wing Jewish world. I think many people would be surprised by what I (and my siblings, friends, etc) did NOT distinguish between.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 3:04 pm
Imother pink, no need to be nasty. "They..them" no we are not all that different & I dont think you are an alien. Gosh.

Yes I do stare into space often due to some issues & so does my asd child. Nothing to do with me being chasidish.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 3:13 pm
LSD (Lakewood Staring Disorder) is an old thing Very Happy And I'm a born and bred Lakewooder.

But it's not limited to lakewood.

I truly abhor the staring.
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 3:32 pm
I just smile and say hi. That usually makes them stop.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 3:58 pm
amother wrote:
I think it's mostly the kids, no?


Not IME.
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shanabanana




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:08 pm
Sometimes people are spacing out, checking out your top or shoes bec. they like it Smile or figuring out if they know you....
I find that its kids and teens who do the whole up and down stare
In those cases I either stare back or wave, and then they feel stupid and turn away
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:17 pm
My husbands and I wave at kids who stare.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:34 pm
debsey wrote:
Smile and wave!
She might not even be looking at you, but everyone likes a smile.


Love this!
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:26 pm
amother wrote:
I live in Lakewood and no-one ever stares at me, either...

I'm guessing that you dress differently than a typical Lakewood woman, would that be why they are looking at you? Perhaps they are looking at you because you just look... different.


Nope, I'm the poster that recognizes a good "Yeshiva Lane stare" when I see one, and I'm about as typical Lakewood as you get.

When I brought my daughter to get her highschool uniform this summer, a group of little girls getting their elementary uniforms gathered around her to stare. We were standing in Freilichs, me saying "let's try a size smaller in the sweater," and her blushing bright pink, because a group of all different girls were literally standing in a circle, almost pressed up to us, mouths open, staring. I told my daughter it's because she's so pretty and sweet, and they were admiring her and thinking about when they'll be old enough to wear a highschool uniform, which I think is the truth. It's sort of cute looking back, but still very bad manners, and really, it's a habit picked up from the adults. Oh well, it should be Lakewood's worst problem, right?
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amother
Gray


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:27 pm
was it me?? I was in NPGS today and I really was staring at someone but I didn't think she noticed. Her back was turned to me but she was talking loudly and had interesting mannerisms so I just found myself staring. Sorry if that was you I was staring at.
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giselle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:30 pm
amother wrote:
was it me?? I was in NPGS today and I really was staring at someone but I didn't think she noticed. Her back was turned to me but she was talking loudly and had interesting mannerisms so I just found myself staring. Sorry if that was you I was staring at.


Haha nope, wasn’t npgs and I was standing silently waiting for my meat order as was the starer. To all the dan lkaf zchus posters, it’s nice that you are so non judgmental, but in this case she was staring and kept doing it and was not spacing out or whatever else. And anyway this happens all the time in Lakewood to everyone I know so I am skeptical that anyone who lives here has not experienced The Stare.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:31 pm
I have a more modern relative who would go walking in Lakewood & "mussar" the kids.
"You're finding it strange that I'm wearing a hat? Where I come from most ladies don't cover their hair at all. You're finding it strange that I'm wearing [whatever interesting hose]? Where I come from most ladies don't wear any!"

She was basically telling them not to stare or look down on people who are different, and trying to educate them. Probably didn't make much of an impression though.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:31 pm
amother wrote:
Nope, I'm the poster that recognizes a good "Yeshiva Lane stare" when I see one, and I'm about as typical Lakewood as you get.

When I brought my daughter to get her highschool uniform this summer, a group of little girls getting their elementary uniforms gathered around her to stare. We were standing in Freilichs, me saying "let's try a size smaller in the sweater," and her blushing bright pink, because a group of all different girls were literally standing in a circle, almost pressed up to us, mouths open, staring. I told my daughter it's because she's so pretty and sweet, and they were admiring her and thinking about when they'll be old enough to wear a highschool uniform, which I think is the truth. It's sort of cute looking back, but still very bad manners, and really, it's a habit picked up from the adults. Oh well, it should be Lakewood's worst problem, right?


I think the op said that these were adults that were staring, not children..
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:33 pm
Just thinking... sometimes I stare at someone because she looks familiar, and I'm trying to place her. Could that be what was happening?
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giselle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:35 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
Just thinking... sometimes I stare at someone because she looks familiar, and I'm trying to place her. Could that be what was happening?


Yes if it didn’t happen all the time then I could go with that... however......
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:36 pm
I'm another Lakewooder who doesn't get stared at. I do catch my little kids staring sometimes and quietly tell them to stop, but they are little and they will learn. I don't usually see adults staring at me.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:57 pm
When I go somewhere like Lakewood I figure staring is par for the course-- I'm more modern, and of course I dress tsnius, but I definitely don't have the right look, and I'm not buying that stuff just for an occasional shopping trip. It's still rude, but I accept that that's how it's going to be.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:10 pm
amother wrote:
I think the op said that these were adults that were staring, not children..


True, but that type of staring, coming so close to a stranger, no idea that there's anything unmannerly or awkward about it, from first through sixth grade aged children... It starts at the top. The adults stare people up and down, so why shouldn't the kids gape at whoever looks interesting?
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