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Taking my daughter out of school early
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:01 pm
Hi,
So we have a cousin's bar mitzvah coming up so I was thinking of taking my third grader out of school about an hour early so that she can get her hair done for the simcha. Has any one taken their children out of school early to get ready for a simcha? I really hate the idea of her missing some school but I really had my hopes on getting her hair done up in curls for the party. My other issue is that if we make time for her to get her hair done, there is no way she will have any time to do her homework that night and she gets homework EVERY night, so there will be homework. I could just not get her hair done so then she'll come home right after school and do homework. Not sure what to do. B'H this should be the worst problem I ever have in life but planning how to get ready for a simcha on a school night really stresses me out 😬
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:07 pm
This is just my opinion but

She is in 3rd grade.

Take her out early.

Give her the next day off completely, as she will be tired from the Simcha.

Tell the school she will not be doing homework at all those two days.

Live life!!!!!!

We only have one life!

Why so much pressure?

Seriously.

I don't get it.
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:12 pm
amother wrote:
This is just my opinion but

She is in 3rd grade.

Take her out early.

Give her the next day off completely, as she will be tired from the Simcha.

Tel the school she will not be doing homework at all those two days.

Live life!!!!!!

We only have one life!

Why so much pressure?

Seriously.

I don't get it.


Ok, maybe for a sibling's WEDDING.
For a cousin's bar mitzva?!?
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:13 pm
smss wrote:
Ok, maybe for a sibling's WEDDING.
For a cousin's bar mitzva?!?


Yes!
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:15 pm
Assuming you have say - less than 35 cousins who will have a bar mitzvah on a weeknight, then absolutely resoundingly yes!

If you have say 250 cousins then ok I can see an argument why maybe not. But yes. Seriously. What at we all here for?
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:21 pm
How long does it take her to do her homework? Can you ask the teacher for it in advance, and she can just do some extra the night before?
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:24 pm
amother wrote:
This is just my opinion but
Give her the next day off completely, as she will be tired from the Simcha.


Unless you have to travel to the bar mitzvah there is no reason to miss the next day of school. I live OOT and whenever we travel into brooklyn for simchos we drive back that night at an unearthly hour, and then we all go to work and school
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:27 pm
amother wrote:
Unless you have to travel to the bar mitzvah there is no reason to miss the next day of school. I live OOT and whenever we travel into brooklyn for simchos we drive back that night at an unearthly hour, and then we all go to work and school


And then, it seems to me , you all (not YOU you, the world you) feel under pressure from life. Need therapy. Become snappy. Feel snapped at. Abused. Abusive.

Why so much pressure?

Seriously!
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:33 pm
Yes, take her out of school early. It's a special occasion, will make her feel special, and will promote your philosophy that family togetherness is very important.

I wouldn't skip the next day unless she is obviously very tired though.

As for not letting her think that school is not important, I second the poster who suggested getting the homework in advance, and either doing it before or making it up later.

(If this was a boy who has a chiyuv of learning Torah all the time, I might hold differently as far as missing learning time, but for a girl, I think this is BETTER Chinuch than whatever she would get in class for that hour.)
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:34 pm
Slategray I agree, and I wish I could just live life with your attitude. I wish I could make every decision with the mindset of 'you only live once'. I am not being sarcastic at all

(in regard to travelling back from a simcha,I wish that by each simcha we were able to stay till the end and not have to change into comfortable clothes and travel back so late at night (morning?)
BUT that would mean taking off from work and children (and teens) missing school)
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 4:44 pm
Teal - if it makes you feel any better, it is of course MUCH easier to write something like that anonymously to someone else anonymous than it is to actually DO it, but I do try to live like that wherever possible, because when I look back at life at the things I was so concerned about, they do not seem nearly as important as I thought they were, even a short time later.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 5:04 pm
A bar mitzva doesn't end so late for it to be reason enough to miss school the next day. Most kids get up early anyways. Take her out early, big deal & take her in the morning when she wakes up.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:32 pm
Personally I would never waste money on getting hair done for a cousin's bar mitzvah. I would take a child out of school for a day or 2 for a immediate family simcha.

Once you take off for a cousin's simcha the time off is endless.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 6:44 pm
It's fine to leave an hour early. They don't learn so much at the end of the day anyways. Forget homework for one night. Write a note that she had a simcha. No biggie
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oliveoil




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 8:09 pm
is she your oldest? in a few years you'll look back and laugh that you were so worried about at third grader (!!!) missing an afternoon.
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Seas




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 01 2017, 8:16 pm
The only thing that's important is for your children to get the attitude from you that school is important. So don't ever come across as lackadaisical regarding their education and how well they do.

But actually missing a class or a day is no big deal. There's never anything so important in one particular class that'll effect them for life.

(If we're talking about boys there might be an additional consideration, that you want to teach them the importance of Torah learning and how it comes before everything else.)
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 1:40 am
I don't think its a problem to miss school for a simcha if necessary. I'm more concerned about bringing up a kid who thinks she needs to go to a professional hairdresser to attend a cousin's simcha. Not that I'm blaming you, OP. You live in Brooklyn where these ridiculous standards are upheld. (all the while teachers are not being paid and people don't have food for shabbos)

I would think twice if that is really necessary.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 2:04 am
Inform school in advance you are taking her out a bit earlier. Ask teacher abt the homework in advance. I am sure they will not have a problem with it and informing in advance: I am sure they will appreciate it. It shows you are a mother who cares.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 6:36 am
My thoughts on this thread as a teacher:

I take my daughter out of school for important family things, and we don't hold with homework either at her age, so I don't feel pressure to make sure it gets done, but she's still in grade 2. Later on the narrative changes. I do think family is more important than school, but the distinction would be that hair is not more important than school. And it's not that what's she's learning in school the last hour of the day is not important (you have no way of knowing what's being planned for that period) but family comes first.

I work in a Chassidish school and there I do see an issue. I know that secular education is not the biggest priority for this community, but I regularly see it being pushed down underneath even dress fittings and "recovering" after a simcha, to the point that I have multiple high school girls missing days and days of school multiple times a year for all sorts of events. The girls who "miss out" on a distant relative's simcha for final exams are seen as extraordinarily dedicated students deserving of praise, whereas I feel like completing exams is more or less the bare minimum for a high school student. Anyway, it's not my business what my students' families decide to prioritize, but it DOES have a negative affect on classroom learning when I can count on one hand the number of days where I've had more than 75% of the class present.

Anyway, I have conflicting feelings... as a parent I think you have the right to decide what you prioritize, but it can really easily go too far, and I think it's a mistake to justify it by saying they're not learning anything in that hour, or a girl will learn more from getting her hair curled than by studying.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 02 2017, 6:40 am
Op, you are waaaaaay overthinking this! Take her out, get her hair done, live, laugh, love!
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