Is cleaning help a necessity or luxury

amother

Wheat

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 9:54 am

I am 30 with three kids and work 28 hours a week. Drop my kids off at school/babysitters on the way to work and pick them up on the way home from work. I am never home alone without kids and dh is out of the house from 730am-6pm. I was talking to a coworker yesterday and I was telling her Im so excited to have my cleaning lady scrub my toaster for me. She started going on and on how these days everyone thinks every thing is coming to come. In her days cleaning ladies were not so common and people did the work themselves (shes around 60). I said that may be true but 20-30 years ago most woman stayed home. Nowadays mostly everyone works. Times changed. When woman go to work they need cleaning help. I believe that 3-5 of cleaning help is not a luxury. If a family was struggling and both parents worked I would be very happy if tzedakah money supplied them cleaning help. What are your thoughts?

Mommy2m

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:04 am

It's a necessary luxury. Most of us are coming from a mindset that we "need" a cleaning lady, regardless of if we work full time, part time, or not at all. I feel that it's just better for our sanity to have someone who comes, whether for 2 hours of 6, and cleans the bathrooms and washes floors etc. For me to be a calmer, more relaxed mother, it's definitely worth it.

Eta: I know some of you work full time and don't have cleaning help and don't consider it a necessary luxury- good for you! This is just how I personally feel

Last edited by Mommy2m on Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:06 am; edited 1 time in total

debsey

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:10 am

It is absolutely necessary, not a luxury.

In today's day, when you have working mothers, kids with insane amounts of homework, maybe throw in one kid who needs tutoring or speech or OT or even braces adjustments all the time, how is the mother supposed to juggle everything?

Clean house - necessity
Clean clothing - necessity
Healthy food - necessity
Mommy doing Homework with me - necessity
Bath time - necessity
Calm mommy who has time to listen to her kids and imbue them with Simchas HaChaim - necessity.

Mommy doing all of this, herself, with no help - insanity.

Cleaning help is not a luxury and it's not a necessary luxury. It's an absolute necessity if all the other necessities are going to happen.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:14 am

I think alot depends on the family situation. For example, not everyone works, and not everyone has large families, but put the two together, and it becomes a necessity.

OTOH I think even necessities can be ranked. Obviously food and some clothing are greater necessities than cleaning help.

TTYTT I haven't had cleaning help for years - I have a small family and I work from home, so I've managed without (I always had cleaning help when I was pg or had babies, BTW....) But I'm getting a little older, and I find that I have less energy than I used to, and different types of family needs that leave me less time in my schedule. This and other considerations has me re-budgeting and thinking I will include cleaning help pretty soon.....

sequoia

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:19 am

debsey wrote:

Seriously, Debsey? Even if you only have one child, a small apartment, work part time...?

Single people don’t generally have cleaning help, and I’d imagine with two spouses it’s easier, not harder.

simba

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:24 am

Is their something between necessity and luxury?
Like it is not a necessity like food and air but is is really helpful and makes for a more sane mommy.
It is not a Luxury like having a masseuse come to your house once weekly to de-stress you.

Last edited by simba on Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:41 am; edited 1 time in total

Mommyg8

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:24 am

sequoia wrote:

I think it's pretty clear she was not talking about someone with one child, small apartment, and part time job...

I do think it's a necessity for many women, as in, necessary for emotional sanity.

I think that full time, or over a certain amount of hours a week, is definitely a luxury.

For me, four hours (and I have a big house), is a necessity. 20 hours would be a luxury. For most people, I think that the magic number is somewhere in the middle.

LittleDucky

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:41 am

I dont think it is a necessity in the same way food, basic clothing, shelter and even a couple of books/toys for kids are.
I probably wouldnt go as far as some PP who said they would give tzeddakah money for it. But I have other tzeddakah priorities- like my underfunded local Tomchei... There are people who cant get on their lists who need to. I do say cleaning help is a life changer and if I could I would want it once or twice a week at least.
I think we need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves as a society- to have perfectly laundered and matching clothes (to each other, obviously your shirt should match your skirt), multiple courses every meal on Shabbos, fancy cookbook dinners every weeknight, perfect open house worthy homes every day, as well as have time to ourselves! I try to do everything as much as I can but I don't go crazy that my floor might have crumbs and I have clutter piles. There are only 24 hours in a day and sleep comes before a lot of these!

mommy3b2c

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:41 am

sequoia wrote:

I had one child, a small apartment and only worked part time and I needed it. Even more so because my apartment was small.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:41 am

browser wrote:

I'm pretty sure for centeries people had domestic help. Back in Europe they had a "[gentile woman]"
I think it's not necessity like bread and water but up there in quality of life and sanity for many people.

Yeah but they didn't have washing machines either. My grandmother A"H told me that when she grew up, most Jewish families had a gentile girl/woman who came weekly to do the wash.

STMommy

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:50 am

I think we need to not judge people for considering it a necessity. If someone thinks it is one for themselves, it probably is.
When looking outside in and we think, "this person only has a tiny living space, this person doesn't work full time/so many hours/at all, this person should be spending their money elsewhere", do we really know all the details their story before we get judgy?

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:52 am

Very little in life can be quantified as strict necessity (food and water). Is your refrigerator a necessity? Well, it hasn't existed for most of human history, and there are still plenty of humans today who live without one. Heck, if your fridge breaks and it takes a month to replace, you're living without a fridge for awhile. And ask anyone who that's happened to, and they'll tell you a fridge is definitely not a luxury. I think for a lot of us (not all, but many), cleaning help falls into that category. Without it, you can make things work and nobody's going to die, but it can extract other costs that may ultimately be more (if not in dollars) than what the cleaning help would cost. And I don't think you need to have a particularly large family or a disability to have that level of need either.

And no, it's not a new thing at all. My parents said they both had someone coming in to clean 1-2 times a week when they were growing up (in the 1960s). My maternal grandmother was a sahm and my mom is an only, and she still had someone coming in to clean. My paternal grandmother did some work in my grandfather's office, but was mostly around during the day. 4 kids very closely spaced, so it was tough when they were younger, but they were very quickly all school age and out for much of the day, and she still had someone coming in. And back in the day in Europe, everyone except for the absolute poorest had servants. Some had a larger staff, some had just one person, but basically unless you WERE the servant, you had some sort of servant. So the concept of household help is nothing new and doesn't necessarily reflect entitlement. Honestly, I'm much more concerned about people treating their help poorly than with non-rich people having help in the first place.

debsey

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:54 am

sequoia wrote:

No, I was talking about the OP's situation, with three small children and a more than part-time job.

I specifically meant in a busy household with many small children and a working mother (that's why I spoke about homework, orthodontist, doctor appts, etc).

When I had two kids, worked full time and was in grad school, I didn't have cleaning help. Looking back, it's the one thing I would have advised myself back then - get yourself some help!!!!!!

vicki

Thu, Nov 02 2017, 10:55 am

No question that it is a luxury.
The difference of opinion is in our conflicting definitions of "necessity".

Necessity = without which I would die. (Not without which I would live in a dirty house and be very very stressed... and yell a lot. And even cry.)

Food = necessity
Clothing = necessity
Shelter = necessity

Cleaning help = luxury.

But, please, if it raises your quality of life, gezunte heit.