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Couples Meals
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 5:43 pm
Do you eat out Shabbos/YT meals with other couples? Why or why not?

ETA- could you add in your response if you are MO, Yeshivish, Chassidish etc?


Last edited by Boca00 on Sat, Nov 04 2017, 5:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 5:47 pm
We hardly go out to eat and when we do we want to spend time with each other. If it's more of an activity like a movie we're more likely to go with friends. But that happened like what 2 times over the last decade? Smile
Shabbos we don't have a lot of guests either but we greatly enjoy having friends over who have children of similar ages or who get along so that everybody's having a good time.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 5:50 pm
Yes, of course. This is the primary way that people in our community socialize.

(By "eat out" I assume you mean at other people's homes. We don't eat at restaurants on Shabbat/Yom Tov).
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 5:51 pm
Yes we do...we have since we got married. At this point it's families we have over of friends in our community. I'm glad we do... it is also very accepted in our neighborhood in Chestnut ridge, NY.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 5:59 pm
When we were first married we went to friends for Shabbos/yomtov. It was fun with multiple couples a little socially awkward for us when it was just the four of us.
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amother
Amber


 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 6:06 pm
A lot of people don’t during shana rishona because they’re really still strangers and have to work on building a bond. Since they haven’t yet established an entity called “us” the wives are insecure about exposing dh to the company of other women—maybe he’ll find her more attractive and be sorry he married me. Or maybe I’ll find my friend’s dh more attractive and be jealous of her.
This never made sense to me because dh and I socialized with both genders all our lives, and if dh had been interested in any of my friends he’d have asked them out, not me. And if I had pined for any of his friends I would have gone out with them if they asked me. And if they didn’t I would have had plenty of time to get over them.
But when my ds flipped out and turned yeshivish and got engaged to a girl he dated only a few weeks, suddenly I saw that it made sense for people like them.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 6:07 pm
Yes I do. Because it's enjoyable. Not MO, not chassidish, not yeshivish...
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 6:12 pm
Yes, of course

I don't know of anyone who doesn't
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 6:21 pm
I do it , just I did not in shanarishona .
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 6:31 pm
I don't think it's appropriate. I'm Chareidi.
Only if it's family.
Beyond that, what would be the purpose? I see nothing good coming from it.

But you do you, I have no judgments against anyone who does, and I grew up with us eating out and others coming over often (not family).
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 6:51 pm
I recently heard from a friend that some couples don't because it is setting yourself up for an unfair comparison. Your husband gets to know this other woman and only see the good parts of her, while he knows your good and not-so-good moments. And vice versa. I never had heard that reasoning before.

We don't eat out often because we don't use the Eruv, but yomtov we do sometimes eat with friends or family and this thought had never crossed my mind.

Thoughts?
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 7:09 pm
We eat it out. It’s fun. Couples come to us too. Even in Shana Rushona we did.

And after the meal, DH always gives me a special smile like- I’m glad ur my wife and not that girl.
So the Amother Amber, that’s a lame excuse.

yeshivish (but open minded)
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 7:22 pm
Boca00 wrote:
I recently heard from a friend that some couples don't because it is setting yourself up for an unfair comparison. Your husband gets to know this other woman and only see the good parts of her, while he knows your good and not-so-good moments. And vice versa. I never had heard that reasoning before.

We don't eat out often because we don't use the Eruv, but yomtov we do sometimes eat with friends or family and this thought had never crossed my mind.

Thoughts?


I never heard of not eating together until Imamother. It makes no sense to me. Spending time with friends will not destabilize a healthy marriage. Being isolated from friends can cause great misery. Spending Shabbat or Yom Tov with other people is helpful for building and strengthening community ties. For religious Jews with busy lives, Shabbat and Yom Tov may be among the only times available to meet with peers. I don't see the downside.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 7:59 pm
SuperWify wrote:
We eat it out. It’s fun. Couples come to us too. Even in Shana Rushona we did.

And after the meal, DH always gives me a special smile like- I’m glad ur my wife and not that girl.
So the Amother Amber, that’s a lame excuse.

yeshivish (but open minded)


But, you've just admitted that he IS comparing and is saying he's happy he got you. Which means that others also compare and might not come to the same conclusion...
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amother
Oak


 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 8:08 pm
Yes. Occasionally. I like having people
With kids the same age as mine. We don't do it so often, and we prefer hosting vs eating out just because.
I would never invite a woman over if she was flirty/slutty/drastically more beautiful than me. I admit it.
I also try not to look super good in front of male guests in my home; I might not wear my heels etc, I just feel like it's weird of me to dress that way in an intimate setting with male guests (other than family).
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 8:53 pm
amother wrote:
But, you've just admitted that he IS comparing and is saying he's happy he got you. Which means that others also compare and might not come to the same conclusion...

It’s good for my marriage because DH appreciate me more.
That’s my marriage.
I can’t talk for yours.
If it’s bad for yours then don’t do it.


Last edited by SuperWify on Sat, Nov 04 2017, 8:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 8:54 pm
(Delete double post- sorry phone ran off with my mind...)

Last edited by SuperWify on Sat, Nov 04 2017, 8:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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iammom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 8:55 pm
Yes. We invite over couples where the husband's know each other and the wives know each other. So most of the time the women are shmoozing and the men are shmoozing. But even when everyone is talking, it's just done in a normal relaxed way.
I can see why it can create problems potentially but the people we are friends with are just down to earth, not in your face people.

I am not-so-yeshivish yeshivish
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 9:01 pm
In my (yeshivish) community this is pretty standard, but there are some “safeguards” in place, for lack of a better term. Men and women do not sit right next to each other unless they are husband and wife. And they don’t call each other by first name, rather they’ll say, “Mr./Mrs. So-and-so.” My understanding is it keeps things a bit more formal/distant so the lines don’t get blurred.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 04 2017, 11:30 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
In my (yeshivish) community this is pretty standard, but there are some “safeguards” in place, for lack of a better term. Men and women do not sit right next to each other unless they are husband and wife. And they don’t call each other by first name, rather they’ll say, “Mr./Mrs. So-and-so.” My understanding is it keeps things a bit more formal/distant so the lines don’t get blurred.


You mean you call your friend Chana and her dh Mr. Goldstein? And your dh calls his friend Yankl and his dw Mrs Goldstein? Or you both call everyone at the table Mr & Mrs?
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