How come people don't care about being fat?

thunderstorm

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 8:05 pm

A few years ago I lost 30 lbs. I was dieting, exercising, my thyroid issue actually improved, and I was feeling physically healthier. However it damaged me emotionally. First I was cranky and miserable and had a short fuse. Then I lost a lot of weight and suddenly neighbors who always ignored me suddenly "noticed" me , commenting on how amazing I looked. The more this happened the worse I felt. I started realizing that people didn't think I was "worthy" of their attention before. To me every compliment was a punch in the gut. It came to a point where I just stopped the dieting and I just felt better with myself. I actually felt like I had more "life" in my face when I gained a bit.
Of course I probably should've gone to therapy instead of sabotaging all that hard work I put in.
So when I started eating unhealthy for a time, intentionally, it wasn't because I didn't care . But rather because I cared too much.

southernbubby

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 8:07 pm

Emotional wrote:

You're actually on the right track with this one, because Cushing's is a disorder of the adrenal glands. The adrenal glands work in synch with the thyroid gland. Basically the adrenal hormones have to be balanced in order for the cells to properly absorb thyroid hormone, including thyroid medication. If, as in my case, the adrenal glands are out of whack, popping all the thyroid meds in the world ain't gonna help, and may even exacerbate the situation.
Southernbubby, I know you mean well, but perhaps there are things people suffer with that are outside your area of knowledge and expertise.

Weight gain from hypothyroidism does not always make the person obese and after treatment, the person can lose the weight. Someone mentioned PCOS and that causes weight gain that is hard to lose, and while that person may always be overweight, with much effort, they can avoid obesity. Cushing's is probably more difficult to treat. I have a friend who goes to a diet doctor and this doctor doesn't aim for thinness, only the avoidance of obesity. That's because obesity has heath risks. But I'm not claiming to be an expert but I also see assumptions made that nothing can be done about obesity and I think that often something can be done and few people are unable to change that.

lavenderchimes

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 8:13 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Yes, there is definitely something nice about being overweight and slightly ignored. I didn't think of it until now, but I really didn't like the attention I got from men when I was thin. Looking average instead if amazing affords me a desireably invisibility.

southernbubby

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 8:22 pm

https://www.thyroid.org/thyroid-and-weight/

This states that hypothyroidism causes modest weight gain.

Emotional

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 8:31 pm

southernbubby wrote:

https://www.thyroid.org/thyroid-and-weight/

This states that hypothyroidism causes modest weight gain.

Again, people are different. I NEVER eat junk food. I mean that - never.
My conditions have also affected my appetite so I have little interest in food.
But I'm very overweight. Believe me, I'm doing what I can. Trying to defend myself against the arguments of people who think I'm making excuses is an investment of energy that I just don't have. So I'll stop following this thread for now. Gut voch.

amother

cornflower

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 9:31 pm

I didn’t read any of the responses.

I just came here to say how the title itself triggered and set me off. I passed it a couple of time before I finally took the courage and came in here to speak my mind.

Growing up food was used as a tool to abuse me. Even tho I was an avg 8-10.

Being skinny was a way of pleasing everyone around me besides myself

For me, right now, food equals freedom.

Besides, I’m juggling many life crisis’s right now and I’m choosing to use my energy in more important areas of my life. Like keeping my sanity intact. Staying afloat in a tumultus marriage and being there for my daughter.

Food makes me happy.

OP why are you being so judgy? Do you have any idea what ppl are delaying my with these days? The suffering that’s going on in this world.

The question is very not sensitive and I am deeply hurt.

There are so many bad things happening in this world. Is this issue the top of your list why we need mashiach?

amother

Tan

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 9:59 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

This might be for another thread:
The overwhelming majority of people I know who lost a lot of weight put it back on.

I actually recently asked a surgeon about weight loss surgery. I can't remember the specific percentage he used but I think in the nineties!!!! Of the amount of ppl that gain back the weight (after 5 years). He said the hope is that if patients get used to eating less they will continue and then not gain back but usually they do.
Kinda makes me rethink doing any weight loss surgery. (And I am obese)

amother

Tan

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 10:02 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

I find that doctors treat me different. I can sometimes see their disgust. Like if my foot hurts must be a weight issue don't check if it's broken.
And I don't go to dr because of this

PinkFridge

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 10:12 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know how many of them have had surgery. I know a few who did weight watchers or just worked hard.

southernbubby

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 10:20 pm

Emotional wrote:

So you probably won't see this but do you think that most people who are very overweight suffer from Cushing's syndrome? Your obesity may be impossible to treat but I know people who assume that they have a genetic tendency to be obese and they don't really try to get help or see an endocrinologist. Or they go to a doctor and don't listen to him or her. You are at least following the doctor's orders.

Some of the people on the thread indicated that their obesity was not due to a medical issue but either a real and conscious choice, or that their circumstances would make it extremely difficult to diet. My mother (OBM) suffered from depression but was always blamed for her obesity. She went to all types of doctors but at the end of the day, she could not stop eating. She was not hypothyroid and did not have PCOS. Was it a choice? She did choose what she ate but did it out of depression, loneliness, boredom, and when she was pregnant, this all accelerated. She got to the point where she could barely walk or take care of herself. Then one day she collapsed. She was taken to the hospital and it was determined that her diabetes had put her in renal failure. Attempts at dialysis would always end in her going into cardiac arrest because her coronary arteries were blocked. She went through heart surgery but had a major stroke and spent several months on a ventilator before passing away.

Weight loss is very difficult and maintaining weight loss is also difficult and we go through periods of life where it is easier to forget about the weight issues until the difficulty passes. I know because after losing 65 lbs, I went through situations where I gained weight such as being hit by a car, developing breast cancer, and watching Trump win (gained 8 lbs). I am still not overweight according to my cardiologist but my oncologist and endocrinologist (I am hypothyroid but I was already overweight when it happened) told me to lose the weight. However, in my case it is pure bad habits and lack of will power and I can't blame anything physical for it. To answer the OP, yes, for me it was choice.

southernbubby

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 10:27 pm

amother wrote:

I find that doctors treat me different. I can sometimes see their disgust. Like if mt foot hurts must be a weight issue don't check if it's broken.
And I don't go to dr because of this

And that is very dangerous because I knew (past tense because the doctor's error killed her) someone whose shoulder pain was caused by metastasis from a breast cancer that she had had years before and thought was gone. Instead of checking a known cancer patient for the return of her cancer, he told her to go home and lose weight.

Yes weight is often blamed for everything, even when the weight has nothing to do with the problem. I guess that a large percentage of the time, joint pain and inflammation is caused by excess weight, but it is not fair to assume that.

southernbubby

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 10:30 pm

amother wrote:

People need a lifetime of ongoing support and coaching. Weight Watchers has a maintenance program but if people fail to use it, they probably regain the weight.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sat, Nov 11 2017, 10:53 pm

Wow, this thread has been a real eye-opener for me.

I too was always curious why people were overweight. I knew that some people have medical conditions that make it harder to lose weight, but I knew that many people are fat simply because they eat too much. And I was always curious whether they dont care, or what.

I appreciated reading all the different replies here.

Fox

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 12:20 am

I feel you, OP. I really do.

Happens to me all the time. I'll be driving along, minding my own business, and some sign -- a sign that some business paid thousands of dollars for -- will say, "Great deals everyday!" Turns my stomach a little, to be honest with you. Don't they care that everyone driving by sees that they not only have no command of English themselves but are also too stupid to realize they need a proofreader?

Or I'll get an email from someone who needs my help. The writer has the vocabulary of a third grader, so I'm left to decipher sentences like, "I pressed the button but it doesnt do it" What button? What did you expect "it" to do? There's no punctuation, or if there is, it's scattered like sprinkles on a cookie. Eventually I'll give up and call my correspondent, and she'll try to make light of her illiteracy, saying things like, "Oh, I find it so much easier to explain over the phone, don't you?" No, honey. I find it a waste of my time.

Or perhaps I'll receive a solicitation letter. The local girls' school wants me to buy a cookbook created by their "alumni." If anyone mentions this teensy-weensy error, they say, "Well, we don't think most people care about those old-fashioned spelling rules." Just for the record, they also don't know when "old-fashioned" is hyphenated and when it isn't.

Oh, wait. You were talking about fat people, not the scourge of semi-literate people.

You see, OP, English language, usage, spelling, and vocabulary are easy for me. I can look at a sentence and intuitively know whether "everday" or "every day" is correct. I can use semicolons correctly, and I even maintain a celebrity crush on Marilyn Manson solely because I can actually hear the semicolons when he speaks. I know that the plural of "octopus" is neither "octopuses" nor "octopi," but "octopodes." Marine biologists, however, use "octopuses" as it gets them beaten up less frequently than "octopodes."

I could lie and say that whatever proficiency I possess in English is a result of my hard work and dedication. Puh-lease! Just cue the music for Born That Way. My family tells that when I was five, I was asked what kind of day I'd had, and I answered, "Oh, the regular mundane stuff." Whatever "work" I do -- such as reading voraciously and delighting in learning new words or usage rules -- is enjoyable precisely because I'm already good at it.

Of course, sometimes people -- including my DH, who knew about this when he married me -- get mad at me. They think I'm showing off or being condescending. This happens most frequently when I disagree with them, I notice. You might have the same experience, OP. People think you're flaunting your great body, when in fact, you're just being yourself and enjoying something for which you have a talent and for which your hard work pays off.

So what about all those semi-literate people whom I just can't understand? Well, a small percentage of them might actually have dyslexia or a similar learning disability. Others don't have a diagnosable problem with language; they're just really, really bad at it. The amount of time they would have to spend to improve their active vocabularies or learn when compound adjectives should be hyphenated would keep them from doing anything else in their lives.

And for that reason, OP, I would urge you to remember that judgment is a two-way street.

You've already been told, and with some vehemence, I might add, that despite your claim, you are being judgmental. As I said, I'm actually sympathetic to that. We're all judgmental in one way or another. We just judge different things.

Each and every one of us has things we're naturally great at; things at which we muddle through; and things that are giant, titanic struggles for us. It is human nature to assume that what comes easily to me comes just as easily to you. If a soupҫon of hard work pays off with obvious results for me, the same amount of work must produce similar results for you.

But that's a fallacy. For reasons too numerous to list, there are people who will likely never be as fit as you, even if they worked at it 24/7. For an equally impressive list of reasons, there are people who will never thoroughly master the difference between "every day" and "everyday."

So when you see a fat person eating high-calorie food, try to imagine how she might judge you in another area: "Wow! She must have such a struggle to get fit. I bet she struggles as much with being fit as I struggle with housekeeping. She would probably come into my house and think, 'Ugh! Did I come at a bad time or do you always live like this?'"

Let me make it clear that I do not agree with the "fit at any size" movement any more than I condone the sentiment that spelling, punctuation, and vocabulary are just a bunch of old fuddy-duddy rules. Nor I don't think it's okay to stick to the kitchen floor when walking across it. I will continue to do what I can to lose even the modest amount of weight that confers health benefits, and I trust that good people everywhere will endeavor to remember that no one "looses weight."

But it's worth remembering, OP, that the world revolves on the concept of middah keneged middah. When you have rachmones for other people's struggles, the Abishter and your friends will have rachmones for yours, even if they're not obvious to the naked eye.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 12:50 am

Fox wrote:

Or perhaps I'll receive a solicitation letter. The local girls' school wants me to buy a cookbook created by their "alumni." If anyone mentions this teensy-weensy error, they say, "Well, we don't think most people care about those old-fashioned spelling rules." Just for the record, they also don't know when "old-fashioned" is hyphenated and when it isn't.

Sorry, this is so far off topic. But what's wrong with alumni? What

amother

Denim

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 12:51 am

amother wrote:

Sorry, this is so far off topic. But what's wrong with alumni? What

It's alumnae.

Alumnus (male) is alumni in the plural. Alumna (female) has the feminine plural alumnae.

Fox

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 1:36 am

amother wrote:

It's alumnae.

Alumnus (male) is alumni in the plural. Alumna (female) has the feminine plural alumnae.

Thank goodness the local girls' school doesn't serve the octopus community! In either sense. Very Happy

InnerMe

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 1:40 am

amother wrote:

OP here. I am well aware that many people have medical or other issues that prevent weight loss. I know that a lot of people do eat healthy and still can't lose weight. Anyone who has a healthy lifestyle, I am not asking this question to. I know that many people who are overweight do not eat junk. I specifically said that I see some people who do this. I understand that for some people it isn't a choice and it isn't their fault that their medical condition or other factors affect their weight. I was addressing this question to people who consciously do not eat healthy and are fully aware that they are eating junk food.

Firsty, the very title was triggering for me.
Secondly, you've gotten several great explanations on why your question comes across as judgmental.
Thirdly, I cannot talk for others but let me tell you a little about myself.
I do not have medical issue that would cause weight gain.
I have not reached menopause.
My fullness did not begin after pregnancies.
And yet, I am overweight.

So logically, the simple reason I am overweight is because I eat too much. Right? Yes and no. I do know that if I'd eat less I'd probably feel better. I enjoy healthy food, but also that cheesecake that's oozing cream. And I've decided long ago, that focusing on my figure (or lack thereof) does not bring me any good. I've decided to stop looking in the mirror and hate myself. I decided that I am pretty despite my curves. That I deserve to feel loved and good even if I am not a perfect figure. I've decided I deserve acceptance. And that the shaming messages I received in my youth does not serve me well. And so, when I eat that slice of cheesecake oozing with cream I don't berate myself in my mind how I'm just making myself more fat. I enjoy it. I try to savor that delicious texture, and fully enjoy this fabulous piece of goodness.

Would I like to be slimmer? Yes, for sure. But for me that means messages of I'm not god enough as I am. And that's not a price I'm willing to pay. So I try to listen to myself to my physical and emotional body. I try to hear it and I make decisions based on that. I've done diets in the past, and every time I inevitably slipped I hated myself for it. And I'd give it up eventually, thereby hating myself even more. I mean, what kind of person cannot keep a diet for more then a week?? And so I decide to live, allow myself to breathe, to eat, to do things that feel good for me to listen to voices inside me, and not only those voices that say "you are eating junk and stuffing yourself! don't you realize you're making yourself fat!!"

So there you have it, a glimpse into one of those people's lives, of your OP's post. I hope this can help you understand us, and perhaps you can help us by accepting us and loving us for who we are, and not the food we do or do not eat.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 1:44 am

amother wrote:

It's alumnae.

Alumnus (male) is alumni in the plural. Alumna (female) has the feminine plural alumnae.

Thanks! Both dictionary.com and my physical merriam-webster dictionary define alumnus without specifying gender, and then state that the plural form is alumni.

InnerMe

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 1:44 am

Fox wrote:

Thank goodness the local girls' school doesn't serve the octopus community! In either sense. Very Happy

That's really interesting! I always knew that plural of octopus was octopi. Although come to think of that when do I use that word? Probably one of those words I learned in first grade, that just got stuck there frozen the way I learned it.

And please do enlighten me. When do you use everyday versus every day? I always use the latter.