How come people don't care about being fat?

thunderstorm

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 7:08 pm

amother wrote:

This saddens me to read this. You just can't win. If you don't acknowledge and compliment people who've lost weight, they will likely be offended. And you're saying that you felt hurt by all the compliments because it made you feel as though they only appreciate you because of your weight loss. So what do you say to people who've lost weight? It seems either way they will be insulted. I'm around 20 pounds overweight. Dieting is HARD. I'm always making excuses about why I can't diet now. Yomtov is coming up, I have 2 weddings next week, or I'm to busy at work. Truth is I love food. Is it possible that at least part of the reason you got off your diet was because it's easier to eat yummy foods then to diet?

If these people were genuinely friendly to me always it wouldn't have bothered me as much. But when I meet someone that lost a considerable amount of weight I never mention their weight loss, but rather , "It's so nice to see you, you look fabulous, how are things?" Not "Oh my! You are disappearing before my eyes" " What's the secret ? What's the magic?" And all other stupid things ppl say.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 7:14 pm

amother wrote:

Had they ALSO complimented her when she weighed more, and ALSO smiled as genuinely when greeting her, the compliments would have been taken graciously.

But when compliments and smiles are only given if your weight is low enough to make you worthwhile to spend time on... well, I'm with Bizzydizzymommy here. Better to be fat and know that your friends are real than to have "friends" fawning around you that are as phony as diet coke.

I don't get this. If somebody is 50 pounds overweight the polite thing to do is obviously not say much about it. Sure if the person gets a new outfit or wig a compliment is nice. But if I don't see someone for a few weeks and then I bump into her and it looks like she's lost weight, am I to believe that a simple enthusiastic compliment like "omg, you look amazing!", will have her analyzing.....ahah! She only notices me when I look skinny. How hurtful! Seriously, this logic is beyond flawed. It is standard to compliment others on new clothes, sheitels, shoes, accesories, and weight loss. The idea that a compliment will trigger all the days that passed when there was no compliment is ridiculous.

thunderstorm

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 7:22 pm

amother wrote:

These people did NOT compliment me on anything or find me worthy of carrying on a conversation. I'm talking about neighbors who saw me every day as an example. They never complimented me on a new sheitel or outfit... the ONLY time I was noticed was when I lost the weight. That's my point. Anyway, I wouldn't have understood it either and only did once I was in that place. It hurt really bad. Probably one of my biggest hurts in life, in all honesty. Yet again, I do have obviously emotional issues that this triggered in me.

Boca00

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 7:24 pm

amother wrote:

BDM says this people never looked at her before and now they strike up conversations.

Strike up conversations, as in "What do you think about Donald Trump Jr doing heavy weight lifting for PR" or "Hey, do you like my new gardenias?"

Strike up conversations does NOT mean a one time "Wow, you look great!"

There's a world of a difference.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 7:35 pm

Boca00 wrote:

I dunno. We live in a politically correct world where everybody is always offended. First of all for goodness sakes an adult loses 30 pounds and all the sudden everyone is their best friend? Please. Secondly, if everyone had this attitude it would effectively end weight loss. I lost weight and I'm getting attention so I'll gain the weight back so people will ignore me again. True, people should be kind and complimentary all the time to everyone. But it defies logic to say I prefer to be heavy and ignored then thin and have people talk to me.

Adding- I see the poster I am referring to says she has emotional issues. If that's the case her response to the compliments and friendships is understandable.

amother

Azure

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 8:03 pm

amother wrote:

IOW, a person cannot look good unless they lost weight.

amother

Blush

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 9:32 pm

I was talking about this with my husband last night but in terms of wealth. We are "comfortable" but not "wealthy" so we don't get special "wealthy people" treatment if you know what I mean. My dh commented that no one cares about his opinion now because he's not wealthy. When he becomes wealthy (which is his plan;) ) it'll be too late because it'll already be very obvious who is just being nice to him because he's wealthy.

I mentioned bizzydizzy's post to him. He understood but he has a very high self esteem Wink

and said he's not going to let the fact that other people's "stupidity" get to him. We'll see if it becomes a reality.

Also in terms of commenting about someone losing weight- I'll never forget how someone said her response was "I was incredibly depressed and lost my appetite, great for weight loss!" uhm not quite the response the person talking to her was expecting!

amother

Babypink

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 10:30 pm

amother wrote:

Can you elaborate on what you mean by "nobody cares about his opinion now because he's not wealthy"? I do agree- wealthy people get special treatment, no question about it. However, as a middle class person, I never felt that I was a shmatta either. And for what it's worth, I live in the 5towns.

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Nov 12 2017, 11:22 pm

[quote="amother"]I promise you that this post is not to bash or judge or hurt you in any way. I am someone that has struggled with weight and I understand that the issues are real. However my desire to eat chocolate, ice cream, cookies, junk, and other carbs does not override my desire to look good, fit into my clothes, feel self-confident and pretty and be a fit person.

Sometimes I see an overweight heavy person eating junk food all day long. Donuts, cookies, cake, ice cream all in one day as their diet.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE chocolate and and ice cream and all that good junk food. It is tremendously hard not to only eat that all day and everyday. But I know that I want to feel good and look good so I try to limit it to eating those things rarely. I also know that I feel much better and healthier when I'm eating fruits and vegetables and my body doesn't feel as lethargic as when I do eat junk.

I am wondering why people don't care they're fat. Do you just like the food so much that it's more important than feeling good and looking good?

Awhile back I wrote a post on here that I would rather enjoy chocolate and have a big stomach. One very smart poster told me that I'll only feel that way until it gets to the point that my big stomach isn't worth the chocolate. Well it got to that point a couple years back, and I exercised like crazy, got into shape, and never went back to that again.

So I just wonder if before you become too heavy, is it a conscious choice that you choose food over looking good? Or do you just not realize until it's too late and and by then you've already gained so much more than you ever expected that you can't even begin to get motivated to lose it all?[/quote

I’ve been relieved of my compulsion for six months

This is what I wrote earlier on my Facebook. I am 5 ft 2. I used to weigh 315. So far, I’ve lost sixty pounds. I posted something about the 600 pound people reality show.:

I don’t have cable, so I’ve never seen this show. I have to say that there’s a huge ‘ there but the grace of god go I’ happening in my head.

I was hopeless for so long. I thought I’d never be able to get my eating under control. I thought it was a fire gone conclusion that I’d drop dead, and early death was probably going to be more likely than later.

I know that I could have been a 600 pounder. Despite my weight loss, I could still lose a hundred and thirty pounds and be considered overweight. But I have hope. I’m so shocked at how this has all transpired. It was six months ago today that I found out I had retinopathy. Six months tomorrow that I miraculously, was able to drastically change my eating habits.

Today, I’m not losing weight as quickly as I had before, but I am 100% on my plan. No cheating, no slipping. Lots of learning about what works for me and what doesn’t. But, oh, the hope! Obviously one can never know what will happen to them but today, I’m hopeful that staying on this path will keep me alive and happy and not blind!

To all my friends and family who have been so supportive ( and not offended when I bring over my own food!) thank you!

etky

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 1:01 am

amother wrote:

Babypink amother - did you ever hear the maxim אל תדון את חברך עד שתגיע למקומו?
Honestly, where on earth did you get the chutzpah to invalidate another persons emotional reaction to a situation that she found triggering and uncomfortable and proclaim it 'ridiculous' for not being 'logical'? Since when is that type of negation acceptable - especially on a thread where the OP is constantly being called out and berated as 'judgmental'?
For the record - I've been in the same exact situation as Bizzydizzymommy and also took issue with the compliments from strangers or people who never once deigned to speak to me when I was heavy, for the same reasons that Bizzydizzymommy cited. I also found them intrusive, voyeuristic, and objectifying.
I did not have the same exact emotional reaction to them as she did but I can certainly understand where she is coming from.
Also for the record - since my own weight loss I never remark about another person's weight loss unless it is a close friend or someone who's been very candid and open about their efforts to lose weight, with everyone. Weight is a touchy issue, even once you've lost it, and so is appearance in general.
Compliments - on any matter actually, can be just as loaded as criticism.

etky

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 1:03 am

[quote="andrea levy"]

amother wrote:

I promise you that this post is not to bash or judge or hurt you in any way. I am someone that has struggled with weight and I understand that the issues are real. However my desire to eat chocolate, ice cream, cookies, junk, and other carbs does not override my desire to look good, fit into my clothes, feel self-confident and pretty and be a fit person.

Sometimes I see an overweight heavy person eating junk food all day long. Donuts, cookies, cake, ice cream all in one day as their diet.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE chocolate and and ice cream and all that good junk food. It is tremendously hard not to only eat that all day and everyday. But I know that I want to feel good and look good so I try to limit it to eating those things rarely. I also know that I feel much better and healthier when I'm eating fruits and vegetables and my body doesn't feel as lethargic as when I do eat junk.

I am wondering why people don't care they're fat. Do you just like the food so much that it's more important than feeling good and looking good?

Awhile back I wrote a post on here that I would rather enjoy chocolate and have a big stomach. One very smart poster told me that I'll only feel that way until it gets to the point that my big stomach isn't worth the chocolate. Well it got to that point a couple years back, and I exercised like crazy, got into shape, and never went back to that again.

So I just wonder if before you become too heavy, is it a conscious choice that you choose food over looking good? Or do you just not realize until it's too late and and by then you've already gained so much more than you ever expected that you can't even begin to get motivated to lose it all?[/quote

I’ve been relieved of my compulsion for six months

This is what I wrote earlier on my Facebook. I am 5 ft 2. I used to weigh 315. So far, I’ve lost sixty pounds. I posted something about the 600 pound people reality show.:

I don’t have cable, so I’ve never seen this show. I have to say that there’s a huge ‘ there but the grace of god go I’ happening in my head.

I was hopeless for so long. I thought I’d never be able to get my eating under control. I thought it was a fire gone conclusion that I’d drop dead, and early death was probably going to be more likely than later.

I know that I could have been a 600 pounder. Despite my weight loss, I could still lose a hundred and thirty pounds and be considered overweight. But I have hope. I’m so shocked at how this has all transpired. It was six months ago today that I found out I had retinopathy. Six months tomorrow that I miraculously, was able to drastically change my eating habits.

Today, I’m not losing weight as quickly as I had before, but I am 100% on my plan. No cheating, no slipping. Lots of learning about what works for me and what doesn’t. But, oh, the hope! Obviously one can never know what will happen to them but today, I’m hopeful that staying on this path will keep me alive and happy and not blind!

To all my friends and family who have been so supportive ( and not offended when I bring over my own food!) thank you!

Kol hakavod to you!

sirel

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 4:46 am

etky wrote:

I totally agree with you and Bizzydizzymommy.
Besides everything else, it also creates a very unwanted pressure!

amother

Babypink

Mon, Nov 13 2017, 7:01 am

etky wrote:

Fair enough. I guess my lesson is that I will no longer offer simple friendly compliments to people unless I am very close to them.