Who can help with this tough dilemna?

happymom

Sun, Oct 21 2007, 9:11 pm

If the reason you want her to stop is because maybe shell get caught, that isnt a good reason, and in her mind, why is that a reason not to do something? (she can just hide it well..)

When there is something a teen does that a parent doesnt approve, (because they dont think its good for thier teens neshama or wellbeing... whatever it may be) I think its a good idea to talk to them about how you feel about it, why you think its importnat, and what it means to you... at the same time, you know that they are big and will be making thier own decisions, but you hope that they will choose wisely.

and then leave it up to them. thats really all u can do. and not doing something just for what others will think Is never a good reason not to do something, imo!

Mommastuff

Sun, Oct 21 2007, 10:16 pm

I have a few suggestion:
1- If you allow specific types of music (or whatever you pick to be allowed) will give her some "power". ex: let her listen to certain artists or type of music) as opposed to saying no to everything. You can say that you don't approve, and some things are forbidden, but she may choose from certain options.

2- she needs a constructive extracirricular outlet to keep her out of the "bad" crowd's activities. Does she want to learn an instrument? Does she like physical activities like a ball team?

Does she have the right circle of friends?

Imaonwheels

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 2:49 am

Mommastuff wrote:

This leads to entering into negociations and why is this song good and that song bad. Most secular music made to day is not healthy and all of it has something objectionable. Getting to negociations over each and every song or artist is counterproductive.

chavamom

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 3:05 am

If the girls at school are listening to secular music, why do you think she picked it up at camp? As far as I can tell, from my experience, unfortunately this phenomena has invaded almost all sectors of frum society. It's a big problem and I think digital music has made it worse - you can swap songs with friends, "burn" cd's for one another, download songs (if you or a friend have internet access) - all without ever having to step into a record store or even much outlay of cash.

The line we have taken is that we don't approve, period. We (dh and I) don't confiscate cd's (which I sometimes find) b/c I think it's counter-productive. A teen will not give this up until they are convinced it is the right thing to do - you will just make it a battle and they will be more entrenched. Our house rule is we don't allow this in our house, this is not what we believe in. But we don't go searching their things or throwing out cd's we find or anything of that nature.

Good luck and I hope she outgrows it! Seminary seems to take care of the problem for many girls.

chavamom

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 3:07 am

Oh, and one more thing that was recommended by a mechanech - sublimate, sublimate, sublimate. If she is interested in a "kosher" cd, BUY IT. If there is a frum concert she shows interest in - take her and a friend. Try to provide a "kosher" outlet for the "taiva".