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Would you send your 4 y/o daughter to public school?
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amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:18 am
Would you send a 4 year old girl to public school? My daughter is home now because we can't afford to send her to a private preschool. I try to keep her busy but she really wants to go to school. Is it wrong to send her to public school? Next year she will go to a Jewish school.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:21 am
I would

Mine is in secular daycare where she will most likely stay till she starts yeshiva at first grade
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:24 am
I think it can be fine, but at 4 years old you’ll probably have to combat some of the messages she’ll get at school and spend a little extra time teaching her what your family believes and does vs what the other kids believe and do. (Around non Jewish holidays, or birthday parties she won’t be able to eat at, for example). If you go into it knowing these things will come up and have a plan to address it, then go for it! Sounds like your daughter is craving the structure and social nature of school. Even if you need to supplement her Judaic learning, it could be a great experience for her!
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lavenderchimes




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:26 am
Kiwi13 wrote:
I think it can be fine, but at 4 years old you’ll probably have to combat some of the messages she’ll get at school and spend a little extra time teaching her what your family believes and does vs what the other kids believe and do. (Around non Jewish holidays, or birthday parties she won’t be able to eat at, for example). If you go into it knowing these things will come up and have a plan to address it, then go for it! Sounds like your daughter is craving the structure and social nature of school. Even if you need to supplement her Judaic learning, it could be a great experience for her!


I agree.
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doctorima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 11:42 am
No way!
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:11 pm
I don't think that there will be that much negative hashkafa in a four year old class, but I would be very worried about kashrus. How would you make sure she doesn't eat anything non-kosher? For me, this would be a real worry.
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amother
Jade


 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:23 pm
My worry would be that I would get too comfortable there and it would only hit me later when it's already at a problematic grade in PS.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:30 pm
amother wrote:
My worry would be that I would get too comfortable there and it would only hit me later when it's already at a problematic grade in PS.


What do you mean too comfortable?
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:32 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I don't think that there will be that much negative hashkafa in a four year old class, but I would be very worried about kashrus. How would you make sure she doesn't eat anything non-kosher? For me, this would be a real worry.


To be honest, I think it’s kind of cruel to send a 4 year old to school where they won’t be able to eat cupcakes with their friends at class parties. Asking them to not give into temptation is too much for such a young kid imo.
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:40 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
To be honest, I think it’s kind of cruel to send a 4 year old to school where they won’t be able to eat cupcakes with their friends at class parties. Asking them to not give into temptation is too much for such a young kid imo.


That's a good point.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:45 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
That's a good point.


I haven't found it an issue in daycare. Birthdays are not every day and with allergies. There's always a kid who can't partake. Daycare gives them an alternate snack or you can pack one for such situations. I think the day to day learning, socialization, structure far outweighs that (to me)
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Classicookie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:46 pm
I sent my daughter to public school from 3 to 5 and a half I don't even regret it for a second. She understood kosher more than kids who are in Jewish schools and I taught her at home all she needed to know about Shabbos, yom Tov, alef Beis. You would never be able to tell she went to public pre School.
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:48 pm
I know that I went to a Head Start program when I was three years old. I wonder if that is still around?
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 12:51 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
To be honest, I think it’s kind of cruel to send a 4 year old to school where they won’t be able to eat cupcakes with their friends at class parties. Asking them to not give into temptation is too much for such a young kid imo.


If the teacher is sympathetic, OP could provide a box of preservative-heavy (that is, stays fresh forever) treats for her child when the other kids are eating whatever.

With schools being allergen-phobic, most treats are packaged, and may be kosher anyway.

OP, is public pre-K available where you live? Are there spots at this point in the year?

In NYC, a lot of Jewish, not Orthodox, schools do offer free pre-K. I mention that because they often require kashrut. They also don't do Xmas, etc.
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shanabanana




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 1:40 pm
Anyone who is saying yes, has never worked in a frum preschool. Preschool is SO much more than painting and coloring and playing house. So much of the curriculum is about aleph bais, parsha, yomim tovim and hashkafa! all incorporated in play and projects. Most preschools also have some sort of middos program. I have nothing against public schools, my answer would be the same even if the question was 'should I keep my child home until first grade'.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 1:55 pm
dancingqueen wrote:
To be honest, I think it’s kind of cruel to send a 4 year old to school where they won’t be able to eat cupcakes with their friends at class parties. Asking them to not give into temptation is too much for such a young kid imo.


Welcome to the life of people with non orthodox family! Your kids learn early on that they can’t eat what their cousins, grandparents etc eat.
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Classicookie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 2:19 pm
shanabanana wrote:
Anyone who is saying yes, has never worked in a frum preschool. Preschool is SO much more than painting and coloring and playing house. So much of the curriculum is about aleph bais, parsha, yomim tovim and hashkafa! all incorporated in play and projects. Most preschools also have some sort of middos program. I have nothing against public schools, my answer would be the same even if the question was 'should I keep my child home until first grade'.

I worked in a frum preschool and I sent child to public school my answer would still be the same she got a strong sense of loving being Jewish because we tought her well at home. She had all kids of crafts for every Yom tov because I made them with her . she had a life lesson not all food is kosher I always send in cupcakes and things for her and she understood to look for an ou . Also once she went to a Jewish school she always asked the teachers if it was kosher before taking food from them that's the right way to teach your children.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 2:29 pm
tichellady wrote:
Welcome to the life of people with non orthodox family! Your kids learn early on that they can’t eat what their cousins, grandparents etc eat.


Who says I don’t have non orthodox family! In fact that is the majority of my extended family. However I still maintain that it’s mean to have a 4 year old watch his friends eat yummy cupcakes that they can’t have in his day to day environment. For family gatherings you can plan ahead. I just don’t think 4 year olds who are obsessed with “fair” can understand why they can’t have.

For the record I think it’s good for orthodox kids to socialize outside orthodox circles but I think the food thing is tough for little kids.
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fbmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 2:32 pm
If you live in Brooklyn nursery is free for 4 year olds. Try Bais Yaakov Ohel Sarah, I have seen them advertised as free half day program
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 15 2017, 2:33 pm
shanabanana wrote:
Anyone who is saying yes, has never worked in a frum preschool. Preschool is SO much more than painting and coloring and playing house. So much of the curriculum is about aleph bais, parsha, yomim tovim and hashkafa! all incorporated in play and projects. Most preschools also have some sort of middos program. I have nothing against public schools, my answer would be the same even if the question was 'should I keep my child home until first grade'.


I know that there are some preschools that are run by frum staff, who don't teach anything related to Yiddishkeit at all. These are government funded programs so they can't teach religion. I know many frum families who have sent their children to such a program.

To clarify - the teachers are frum, but they are not allowed to teach religion, so they don't. They stick to secular topics.

So, I don't think it's such a big deal if a four year learns about shapes and colors, rather than yomim tovim.


Last edited by Mommyg8 on Wed, Nov 15 2017, 3:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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