Would you send your 4 y/o daughter to public school?

SixOfWands

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 5:34 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

Who says I don’t have non orthodox family! In fact that is the majority of my extended family. However I still maintain that it’s mean to have a 4 year old watch his friends eat yummy cupcakes that they can’t have in his day to day environment. For family gatherings you can plan ahead. I just don’t think 4 year olds who are obsessed with “fair” can understand why they can’t have.

For the record I think it’s good for orthodox kids to socialize outside orthodox circles but I think the food thing is tough for little kids.

IMNSHO, the food thing is the easiest.

The difficult thing is when their very best friend in the whole world has a bowling birthday party Saturday afternoon, or invites her over to watch a movie Friday night.

But the issue isn't frum school vs public school. Its public school vs home, for a kid who wants to go to school.

dancingqueen

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 5:47 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Good points. In that case I would almost definitely pick the public school.

And I realized how much shabbos and kashrut and many other rules of orthodoxy function to keep us distant from non Jews in college, since until then I was at Jewish schools. But an adult can manage I just think it’s tough for kids.

amother

Jade

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 5:51 pm

pesek zman wrote:

What do you mean too comfortable?

Too comfortable at PS to leave for Jewish school at age 5 as originally planned in the OP. I've seen first hand how PS is not the right place at an older age so fear that we wouldn't get out in time.

amother

Denim

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 8:13 pm

Do they serve kosher food for lunch and have a Jewish teacher. My son, 3 years old, is in a public school (special ed program) but the teacher is Jewish and half the class is Jewish and they get kosher food. I can also trust the teacher to make sure no one gives my child non kosher food.

pesek zman

Wed, Nov 15 2017, 8:49 pm

amother wrote:

Too comfortable at PS to leave for Jewish school at age 5 as originally planned in the OP. I've seen first hand how PS is not the right place at an older age so fear that we wouldn't get out in time.

If you know it's not the right place how would you get too comfortable there to get out before age 5?

amother

Yellow

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 12:06 am

I have a child in public school because of special needs. (I don't live in New York.)

It was really no issue at all for preschool. With allergies the teachers are very strict on sharing food. Your child can bring a packed lunch and snacks. For birthdays, you can send a treat. One year I was told no edible treats at all for birthdays because the allergy situation was so bad.

Yes, the Jewish content is very nice to have... but it's easy enough to teach that at home. My other child was in a Jewish preschool and I missed that warmth and yiddishkeit. But the public school was fine, and only a year really doesn't matter that much. I know other kids at that age who go to a non Jewish school for various reasons.

perquacky

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 2:01 pm

I would do it in a heartbeat. I sent my first and third to public kindergarten because they needed the support PS offers that yeshiva doesn't. I sent my second and fourth to the same school, because the kindergarten program in that school is AMAZING. They came into yeshiva way ahead of their peers in secular subjects, and although they only knew the aleph bet from what I taught them at home, everything that's taught in yeshiva preschool and kindergarten is repeated in first grade anyway.
My kids didn't eat the cupcakes at birthday parties. Big deal! I was notified in advance so I could send them in with a special snack. They understood why they couldn't eat what their classmates are eating. So if that's a reason why you wouldn't send your kids to PS, well, that's just ridiculous.
And one other extremely important thing that my kids gained in PS: They are colorblind. Meaning they don't see kids as black, Hispanic, Asian, whatever. They didn't see our babysitter as black or any different from our Caucasian family. They made friends in kindergarten of various races and creeds, and they have a healthy respect for all humans. You don't get that in yeshiva. That's where they went after PS, and oh, how sad it made me to hear all the racist jokes their classmates made.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 3:42 pm

Is there someone else in your neighborhood sending to public school. It would be nice if she had a buddy in the class.
BTW, the public school by me has 4 frum kids in kindergarten and 2 in first grade.
One of the teachers there, also frum, told me.
Reason, they need special services and if they attend public school for 1 year then they can apply for McKay scholarship. Voucher to be used in school of choice.

anon for this

Sat, Nov 18 2017, 9:48 pm

I sent my child to a special needs public preschool for a few years. She was the only frum student in the school, and probably one of few Jewish ones. The teacher always had kosher snacks for her, and made sure that the projects she completed were non-religious; when other students decorated a Santa ornament, she made a snowman.

RebekahsMom

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 12:41 am

dancingqueen wrote:

To be honest, I think it’s kind of cruel to send a 4 year old to school where they won’t be able to eat cupcakes with their friends at class parties. Asking them to not give into temptation is too much for such a young kid imo.

I have family members with severe allergies, and the parents provide pre-packaged snacks during parties. That is not a good enough reason to avoid preschool.

Your child is learning to socialize and getting an education. She will be around other 4 year olds- this isn’t high school with hormones running wild and dangers out there. I say go for it.

southernbubby

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 7:42 am

Where I live, the frum schools have no special ed program such as Yaled v'Yalda or any of the special ed frum schools such as the Union Free public school in KY, and if the kids want to mainstream, they need a shadow. I realize this is a digression, however, because the OP has a normally developing child and what they learn when they are little makes a lasting impact.

The downside of heavy duty mainstreaming is that a room of normally developing children can overwhelm a special needs child who needs a slower pace. The speech and motions of the other children are often too fast for a special child and he or she may be happier to spend part of his school time with other children that are more his or her speed. Special needs children may eventually need to make friends with other people who have special needs because as children grow up and go their separate ways, the special needs child needs to find a place for himself in the world. Mixing part time public school with part time day school or yeshiva may be the best balance.

RebekahsMom

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 8:17 am

southernbubby wrote:

Speaking from personal experience, towns offering preschool always have at least one class that is mixed special/ typical kids. They find that more often, having the typical kids in class works as a model for the special children. And they always have multiple teachers to make sure that all needs are met. I’ve done it twice- and before anyone makes suggestions, understand that I had my children in private therapies.

southernbubby

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 8:49 am

RebekahsMom wrote:

It is probably the size of the staff that makes it a workable solution because I have seen where people have tried to mainstream with just a regular teacher and a shadow and the special needs child seemed to sense that she was different. If there are several special needs children together with several typical children, and lots of staff, then it probably works very well.

RebekahsMom

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 8:54 am

southernbubby wrote:

If OP is in NJ, I can speak for 4 different districts that work the way you said (except they don’t offer shadows unless the children are severe, and in some cases the aides/ shadows help other kids to make it less obvious).

southernbubby

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 9:12 am

RebekahsMom wrote:

A mix of ability levels helps both the NT children and the differently developing children. I have seen schools with mixed classes for several grades where each student could work at his own level, regardless of age. The NT, children, however, need to be taught to understand how to relate to the differently able child, such as learning sign language or making proper eye contact in order to engage with the disabled child. This responsibility helps the NT child to mature.