what would u do--?

gold21

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 11:57 am

I work as a school secretary and really hate working full time. (8:30- 4:40) I had to work full time cuz my dh was first in kollel, and then when I said that I wanted to stop working so much, he was like No prob and he went to work, but at first didnt make such a great salary, so we needed my income too. anyhow Baruch Hashem my dh is really happy at his new job and it pays well B"H. so...now its october...in middle of the scool year...and if I dont need the money then I dont want to work full time. I have a 16 month old son and wanna be with him as much as possible. Now, the school actually just gave me a 2,000 dollar bonus at the end of the summer (they said they saw I put in a lot of time and effort) and gave me a raise for this year- the only person that got a raise from the whole staff. I guess they really wanna keep me happy. and I did ask for that raise, I didnt just get it. at the time that I asked for the raise, I thought I may stay a whole year because my dh was not yet settled in his new job and I didnt know how it would work out.... So anyhow I really wanna talk to my director about this. I mean how wrong would it be for me to tell her that I cant do full time work anymore? after just getting a raise and bonus and they treat me well and its in the middle of the school year? on the other hand, do I have to put my life on hold now for a whole year to be "nice"? working full time is really difficult for me, and besides, against my principles as a mom. I really only put in the hours out of necessity. opinions please

Twizzlers

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 12:54 pm

you have to do what is right for you and your kid. I also quit my job to be home with my son. I wrote a letter to my boss explaining that although I enjoyed working for him, my son was unhappy at the babysitter and my priority was to him. this is a basic idea of what it looked like:

"After alot of thought, discussion with many family members, and trying to come up with different ideas, my husband and I have made the decision that its time that I stopped working. I cannot allow my son to suffer at the babysitter anymore. its time I acted like the mother I am supposed to be. I appreciate your being accomodating while I was going through this rough time, and for trying to find me a better sitter. if there is anything you would like me to do from home such as ebay, or working on catalog pricing, I would be more than willing.
please bring in the girl you mentioned so I can train her asap."

you know what he responded? I'm gonna paste it here bec. its really nice.

"you know something, this letter brings me to tears, do you know how many people that I know would of loved to be able to write such a letter....... so many ppl are waiting to have a child of their own so they can be a good mother like you want to be, etc. I am happy for you that you have these decisions to make
hatzlocha "

I thought he was gonna be all annoyed that I quit, and I was totally not expecting his reaction, but there u have it, he understood. and I think if you explain it properly to your boss, he will understand as well. I did offer to come in on a part time basis for however long it took to train someone else in, and I am still on call during the day if anyone in the office has any questions.
and by the way, my boss was also super nice and accomodating to me in the past; eg let me leave when my kid was crying at the babysitter, etc...really went above and beyond a normal boss. and although in the beginning I thought it seemed like by leaving him in the lurch I was taking advantage, I saw that he understood.

grin

Sat, Oct 20 2007, 2:45 pm

I have the same dillema now - I'm really valued and appreciated at work and I really feel that I'm needed there and it's shlichus besides, plus I got a raise, etc, but I feel that now that I'm working mroe hours out of the hosue, it's starting to affect the kids.
I told myslef that for the moment, I'll try to focus more on the kids and the house at least while I'm home (to put more concisous effort into it) and see if that can work out.
I hope I don't have to choose between one or the other, becasue I really enjoy the job, but I know that the kids have to come first.
(I could work PT but it wouldn't be the same, since it means giving up the extra responsiblility as well as the feeling of importance.)

Tamiri

Sat, Oct 20 2007, 3:12 pm

Twizzlers, your boss's response brought tears to MY eyes... wow, there are still menches in this world!
OP, I would suggest you do exactly as Twizzlers suggested, simply state the facts in a respectful manner. Try not to burn your bridges. Note how you appreciate that they value you but you have a burning priority at this time. I bet they will let you go and be happy to take you back if they can, when you are ready.
Good luck. You are fortunate to have a choice! Money comes and goes, but your baby has but one childhood for you to enjoy.

Twizzlers

Sat, Oct 20 2007, 8:00 pm

one more thing, I dont think you should mention any of the following to your boss:

gold21 wrote:

I had to work full time cuz my dh was first in kollel, and then when I said that I wanted to stop working so much, he was like No prob and he went to work, but at first didnt make such a great salary, so we needed my income too. anyhow Baruch Hashem my dh is really happy at his new job and it pays well B"H. so...now its october...in middle of the scool year...and if I dont need the money then I dont want to work full time.

it makes it seem more like you only wanted the job till dh got a good one which is taking advantage if the boss didnt know that in advance. it is not the point and it will only annoy him I think.

Chaya123

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 10:57 am

When they gave you the raise and bonus, did they say it was based on the fact that you work full time? I also work full time and wish I'd cut down but boss doesn't let and he pays more based on the fact that it's full time. He raises every Jan but says that my hrs are a commitment 'til the next Jan. So you really have to speak it over with them. If I could do anything at all to cut my hrs somewhat, believe me I would. hatzlacha!