Dd asked about G-d being a "He"

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 10:14 pm

my little dd said she wants to be a boy. We discussed. In the conversation it came up that she thinks Hashem is a boy so she wants to be a boy.
What should I respond?
I tried to explain that He's not a person so He's not a boy or a girl but the fact remains that we call Hashem "He".

Honestly she's 3 so I think she's moved on and has forgotten about the whole conversation. It was a piece of a bigger conversation how she wants to be like her Daddy... but it still made me think the question of how to explain it to a child.

I know about the whole thing about how men give semen and women receive it and create a baby and Hashem gives to us and we have to use it to elevate ourselves and the world etc... but I'm not saying that to a child.

I'm looking for something age appropriate for a child that is too young to learn about how babies are born.

Thank you!

SpottedBanana

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 10:29 pm

At 3 I wouldn't bring it up again, but I don't have any kids yet so take that with a grain of salt. To a 7 or 10 yo, I would say "We call Hashem a He because sometimes He seems far away, like Daddy when he's at work. But the shechinah is a female word because when we talk to Hashem He feels close, like a mommy is always close to her little baby."

This happens to be completely true, as well -- it is about giving/receiving as you mentioned but it also about the sensation of close (shechinah, and also Torah and mitzvah are in the feminine since they are done/felt in this world, whereas the name of Hashem is in the masculine since it evokes yirah.)

(Note that I said *little* baby -- I know most moms go back to work, but hopefully they can take off for a week or two!)

Laiya

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 10:36 pm

It's true that we refer to Hashem as "He" but Hashem is neither He nor She, and has attributes that we understand as belonging to both genders.

Ex. Hashem is Rachamim, shoresh is rechem, a female attribute.

Three year olds still think in very concrete terms, and the whole concept of what Hashem looks like, where He is, how can He be everywhere, how was He always here, will take a few more years.

So I wouldn't really make an issue about it at all.

The main thing I think is to feel confident yourself about women's status in Judaism, and convey that confidence to her.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 10:41 pm

I totally agree with what you are saying about 3 year olds, don't worry I don't plan on bringing it up again or anything but it made me think- what would I respond to lets say a 7 year old?

Thank G-d I'm happy to be a girl Smile

and I don't think my girls have any reason to think otherwise. It just made me think that's all.

amother

Tan

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 10:49 pm

amother wrote:

and I don't think my girls have any reason to think otherwise. It just made me think that's all.

I would say Hashem is not a boy or a girl. But I still don't get where the facts of life comes in.

Seas

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 11:02 pm

From Rav Avigdor Miller z"l Q&A

Q:
Why is it that Hashem is referred to as "He" or "Him"? Why don't we say "She" or "Her"?

A:
Because we're not completely meshuga yet. We didn't get there just yet.

Look, here's a man, and he has a beard. A woman has no beard, right? You noticed that, right? You've see many women in your life, and you're yet to see a woman with a beard. And a man is taller than a woman. A woman is the shorter of the two. That's how Hashem made this world; the man is the more powerful. He's stronger, bigger, and he instills more fear.

So, if you're going to choose a model, a model for one who's in charge of the world, are you going to choose the model of a soft, sweet woman?! Isn't that being ridiculous?!

And that's why we have a government today that takes our money to pay women to be policewoman. Because people are stupid. People are ridiculous. I'm walking down Kings Highway, and here's a policeman, six feet high, standing next to a policewoman who is up to his belly-button! It's a joke, a waste of our money. It's just liberal window-dressing that costs us money for nothing.

The whole idea of elevating women to places of power, is nothing but the insanity of the liberals. Women are dignified and are to be honored; and the Jewish women are a treasure; they are the foundation of our nation. But do they represent strength and power and control? Does the woman signify might?! And therefore, there is no question that when you speak of Hakodosh Boruch Hu, we speak of Him as a man.
TAPE # 990 (December 1994)

amother

Tan

Thu, Nov 16 2017, 11:05 pm

Seas wrote:

Ya.. she should definitely tell her 3 year old that. Rolling Eyes

JoyInTheMorning

Fri, Nov 17 2017, 5:52 am

unexpected wrote:

I remember telling my daughter, "oh but u can be Hashem's kallah!" She really liked that even if it wasn't quite accurate. I just asked her if she remembered this (she's 12) and she rolled her eyes at me. Apparently, she doesn't think it's cute

Unexpected, this seems to me like pure Christianity. Roman Catholics believe that nuns "marry" their God.

We *don't* believe this. There are some very high-level metaphors comparing the love between Hashem and B'nei Yisrael to the love between husband and wife, but they're very abstract. Nothing like what you're saying.

(Perhaps such concepts exist in Kabbalah, but even if they do, they are probably not appropriate to be discussing with a child.)

imasinger

Fri, Nov 17 2017, 6:32 am

Hashem is above gender and inclusive of both genders. The Shechina is referred to as feminine. When Hashem made the first human, Adam Harishon, b'tzelem Elokim, then at first there were not separate genders, but one being that encompassed zachar u'nkeiva. Hashem then said it was not good for Adam to be alone, and took out a piece that was the basis for Chava, separating the genders.

So what I would tell a small child is that Hashem is not a man or a woman, Hashem is different and special. Hashem is all around us and inside us, and made the world. Men and ladies, boys and girls can all try to be like Hashem when we try to do mitzvos and make wonderful things.

A four or five year old might ask, why do we refer to Hashem as "He?" Well, that's because Hebrew is lashon hakodesh, and everything is either he or she. Tables, floors, coats. We know they're not boys or girls, but the way Hebrew works, every thing has to be one or the other, and it just happens that the most often used names for Hashem are boy words, though there are some girl words for Hashem too, since Hashem is both and neither.

dancingqueen

Fri, Nov 17 2017, 9:23 am

Seas wrote:

Blarg.

Imasinger, love your answer.

Op I’ve never heard that explanation and tbh it’s a little weird for me to use s-xual terms when talking about Hashem but, interesting.

SpottedBanana

Fri, Nov 17 2017, 10:20 am

JAWSCIENCE wrote:

One of my kids has always referred to hashem as "she" ever since age two. I've never bothered correcting because that would imply there was a correction to make and hashem is male which is not the case either. We just don't have a singular gender less pronoun to use.

Um, then why does Hashem refer to Himself using masculine pronouns in the Torah? If He had wanted a gender-neutral form for verbs in Lashon Kodesh, He would have made the language that way (like in Russian, a noun can be masculine, feminine, or neutral -- a window is neutral but a chair is masculine). Asking respectfully, really puzzled since you seem to be a very intelligent person in general.

SpottedBanana

Fri, Nov 17 2017, 10:25 am

sequoia wrote:

By the time he wrote that, Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady, the exact opposite of a liberal, had been Prime Minister of Britain for 15 years.

Does Trump being president have anything to do with San Francisco still being an extremely liberal city? If anything, it makes them dig in their heels even more. Culture is hardly a top-down phenomenon -- I thought you knew that.

kjb

Fri, Nov 17 2017, 11:42 am

One thing I think you can tell a little girl who comes up with this very good question ( apart from the we don't know thing) is that maybe Hashem is a He but that doesn't mean the girls are less like Hashem than boys: after all it is women who bring life ( babies) into the world, not men. Might get a 'facts of life' problem there, but I think even very innocent little children in sheltered communities know that it's mommies who bring the babies....

gibberish

Fri, Nov 17 2017, 12:05 pm

I haven't read all the responses, but Hashem is not a human and does not have any gender. Though the standard reference is "He", I seem to recall that there are a couple of places in tanach where Hashem is referred to as a "She." In general the standard reference when referring to a generic person in tanach is "He"