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Why do the rich only want to marry each other?
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 2:52 pm
If they are already rich why do they need to marry people who are as rich as them? Is it because they want the honor that comes with it or because they really want more money?
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amother
Oak


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 2:54 pm
They want to marry someone whose culture is like theirs. Same way I wanted to marry someone who came from a similar background to me even if I didn't grow up with money which I would've liked for myself.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 2:54 pm
People of like backgrounds, in general, have an easier time relating to each other. That would apply to financial background as well as cultural and religious.
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 2:55 pm
Or maybe it's because they are wary of gold diggers.

Or because they don't want all the expenses to be on them.

But in any case, this premise isn't true across the board. Maybe some wealthy people will only allow their child to marry into wealth but definitely not all.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 2:55 pm
Where do you get your statistics from?
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 2:57 pm
No, it is because their entire mentality is a certain way that many non rich will find offensive, pressurizing, and superficial. Finances are one of the most common areas of conflict in a marriage.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:04 pm
there's a culture that often comes with wealth. Personally my grandparents were wealthy so I inherited some money but no where close to wealthy. Many people where I grew up were wealthy and there was definitely a difference between us and them culturally. I wouldn't feel comfortable marrying in to those families even though they were very sweet.

I think there is a concern that in order for their kids to maintain the lifestyle they want their children to have they will have to give more then if the other spouse also comes from money. A simple example is the wedding. If both are wealthy then they will pay less for the same wedding then if they have to pay their part and part of the others side part as well.'

I married someone from a working class family. While we both aren't "fancy" there's still a difference between our families. I am more "spoiled" then my husband, he can get by on much less money then I can and can be more resourceful in earning money... We b"H don't fight about finances. It's just a reality that we both know.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:06 pm
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
Where do you get your statistics from?


I didn't notice any statistics from op. Do you disagree with the premise that wealthy marries wealthy? Obviously not 100% of the time.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:18 pm
amother wrote:
People of like backgrounds, in general, have an easier time relating to each other. That would apply to financial background as well as cultural and religious.


But you would never find someone rejecting a shidduch offer because he/she is too rich for them.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:21 pm
amother wrote:
there's a culture that often comes with wealth. Personally my grandparents were wealthy so I inherited some money but no where close to wealthy. Many people where I grew up were wealthy and there was definitely a difference between us and them culturally. I wouldn't feel comfortable marrying in to those families even though they were very sweet.

I think there is a concern that in order for their kids to maintain the lifestyle they want their children to have they will have to give more then if the other spouse also comes from money. A simple example is the wedding. If both are wealthy then they will pay less for the same wedding then if they have to pay their part and part of the others side part as well.'

I married someone from a working class family. While we both aren't "fancy" there's still a difference between our families. I am more "spoiled" then my husband, he can get by on much less money then I can and can be more resourceful in earning money... We b"H don't fight about finances. It's just a reality that we both know.


But I am sure that you would never have rejected a shidduch offer with a good boy just because he is too rich for you.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:23 pm
amother wrote:
But you would never find someone rejecting a shidduch offer because he/she is too rich for them.


Wrong. This is actually very common.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:24 pm
have you ever heard the phrase don't marry money because then you'll have to earn it?
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:27 pm
DH bedafka wanted a poorer girl so that she wo t he spoiled ( like his mom )
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:34 pm
amother wrote:
But you would never find someone rejecting a shidduch offer because he/she is too rich for them.

Sure you will. My parents did.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:37 pm
I have a relative who is very well off. The Mrs. told my mother that shidduchim are very difficult for her because she has a hard time figuring out if they want her daughter or if they want her money. She wants her daughter to be happy and, she said, somehow when she gets geredt a rich shidduch she finds herself looking into the boy with more ease rather than wondering in the back of her mind if the only reason they're interested in her is because it's all about her money.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:39 pm
1. "Yesh lo mana, ratzah masayim." It's hard to be happy with what one has!
And there's always someone "richer," so it might feel like "we're not rich enough, because we don't have what they have..."
2. It really is a different culture. I got bashed for saying that on a thread a few weeks ago, but speaking as a poor girl who married a rich guy I can tell you it's a totally different world. My husband is "open minded" so he was/is willing to enter that world for my sake. (for example, shabbos at my parents' house was and is a real rude awakening for him. And we have very different ideas of how to work household finances, as well as needs vs wants. And I can't truly enjoy what we have, because in the back of my kid I feel bad that my parents don't have as much [and no, they would NEVER let me help them out]... the list goes on)
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:44 pm
Boca00 wrote:
Or maybe it's because they are wary of gold diggers.

Or because they don't want all the expenses to be on them.


This is exactly how my in-laws feel about me. Me and my husband have separate bank accounts with only his paycheck in the joint account. Even so here is the text that I received last week from my bil:
Quote:
"You'll get all of his [dh's] money soon enough."

As if I didn't love my dh.

Angry
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amother
Copper


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 3:49 pm
amother wrote:
But you would never find someone rejecting a shidduch offer because he/she is too rich for them.


Wrong. We’re a family of medium income who live within our means. We value thrift. None of our kids was looking for anyone rich. My ds who is currently in shidduchim is very leery of prospects who come from money. The thought is that they’re used to a standard of living that ds won’t be able to provide. They may say they’re looking for a serious learner and are willing to support that, but have they ever had to try to make ends meet? Shopping clearance at Henri Bendel is not exactly buying day-old bread because it’s half price.

I don’t know that money is the only reason why ds said no to several rich girls but it was for sure a factor. I don’t think we’re exactly unique. Uncommon, maybe, but not unique.
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papermageling




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 4:01 pm
Different culture and different expectations.

And there's all sorts of little barriers. You might ask a wealthy woman, "oh, where did you meet your husband?", and she might say "oh, I met him because we were got to talking about our mutual love of equestrianism and dressage at a party". First, I'd assume that mostly only people within their wealthy social circle got invited to this party. And secondly, while they're both passionate about something that's actually very hard work and pretty rough and dirty work at that, their shared hobby is typically inaccessible to people who are less well off.

For a pairing of different backgrounds to work out, they first need a place to meet. In modern America, college is the best chance of this happening. If it doesn't happen there, it's rare for it to happen afterwards. Secondly, they need to have common interests that are not terribly reliant on wealth to be accessible for them to be likely to make a match.

There's also somewhat different expectations when it comes to social behavior. And I don't know how to explain it, just that my family has managed to live on the fringes of the sort of people you're talking about for a long time (we've had connections to people for generations, and some relatives have the money and you need for these circles. My parents are upper-middle class though), and you do pick up mannerisms. You kind of have to know how to deal with every family event also being treated by everyone there as a networking opportunity. My DH's background is pretty working class, and that aspect drives him kind of nuts.

My experiences with all of this are from an irreligious family and background, so obviously I'd expect things are somewhat different when it comes to shidduchim. But probably not all.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2017, 4:12 pm
Because non-rich people sometimes have evil eyes and they dont realize that the maloch of agmos nefesh has not skipped over our heads.
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