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S/o what was your hardest adjustment to parenting?



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amother
Crimson


 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 7:29 am
For me it was probably the sleep deprivation. Don't think I've ever really recovered from that even though I'm not so new and have several kids by now. Also the sheer responsibility involved. And I felt like I really lost myself and didn't matter anymore. I was woefully unprepared- I don't mean that in the sense that I wasn't fully ready, because nobody truly is, I mean that like we probably should have waited a couple of more years before having our first because we were very NOT ready.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 7:42 am
Having to put their physical needs before my own (specifically in newborn and infant stage)
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 7:50 am
My hardest adjustment was the fact that parenting is 24 hours a day, seven days a week - and it's forever. There's never a time when your child is old enough that you're no longer a parent.

I often wish I could get a small break now and then, but for my reality, it doesn't really happen.
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UnFarvosNischt




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 7:59 am
For me it is working on a schedule that is not mine (not necessarily sleeping less but like having to bring the baby to kindergarten etc.) and having to make real meals at normal times.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 8:02 am
I think another major shock is finding out your kid(s) didn't read the parenting manual LOL
But seriously, 9 things out of 10 that I thought before having kids has gone out the window by now.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 8:08 am
You know how they say "I was a great mother and then I had kids."
For me the hardest adjustment was the unpredictability of it. You get on a schedule and then baby goes through a growth spurt. Medical crisis happens, babies dont follow the rules, delays and interventions occur.
And everytime you get into a routine something new happens. Ive been doing this for over ten years and the unpredictability is still the hardest.
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 9:37 am
All the things I had to do that didn't really require my brain.

I'd always been very intellectual. When I cooked or cleaned I listened to a shiur or lecture. Suddenly everything was procedural, and I could barely think a thought or start a task before I was needed gor something or someone screamed. Reading board books made me feel like my brain was melting. Making lunches drove me crazy. I was too tired to think about the things I liked thinking about, and too busy to do my usual best possible on my assignments (was still in school). And I really missed shul.

I still get annoyed when a kid wants to accompany me while I drive another child somewhere, because that ride home is my thinking time, and sometimes I just cannot handle discussing Shopkins. And yet, my brain has changed through the years, and I can't focus on one thing for too long now. (Even with a sitter at home with the kids, I can't sit for mire than an hour in shul.) Sigh.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 10:06 am
amother wrote:
All the things I had to do that didn't really require my brain.

I'd always been very intellectual. When I cooked or cleaned I listened to a shiur or lecture. Suddenly everything was procedural, and I could barely think a thought or start a task before I was needed gor something or someone screamed. Reading board books made me feel like my brain was melting. Making lunches drove me crazy. I was too tired to think about the things I liked thinking about, and too busy to do my usual best possible on my assignments (was still in school). And I really missed shul.

I still get annoyed when a kid wants to accompany me while I drive another child somewhere, because that ride home is my thinking time, and sometimes I just cannot handle discussing Shopkins. And yet, my brain has changed through the years, and I can't focus on one thing for too long now. (Even with a sitter at home with the kids, I can't sit for mire than an hour in shul.) Sigh.

I can totally relate. I'm also very intellectual and sometimes feel like my brain has turned to mush.
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bigsis144




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 10:15 am
Having to create and stick to routines.

I have always been a very go-with-the-flow kind of person. The house I grew up in was warm but chaotic - the nickname for my parents' bedroom was Grand Central Station because kids were always going in and out to snuggle and schmooze; we often didn't have dinner until 8pm; my mother couldn't bring herself to ever get rid of furniture in our tiny house so we had 4 overstuffed couches at one point; there was always music playing, often from a stereo in one area of the house, someone playing piano in another...

But I did great in school and could wrap my head around scheduling - I even worked as a camp administrator in my teens and did lots of concrete, organizational work.

So I figured I'd be fine with whatever life threw at me.

I didn't ever try to put my newborns on a sleeping schedule, I totally co-slept for 18 months. I shlepped my baby along with me to the grocery store, to dance class and more. I was in online college til my eldest was 2, and it didn't bother me that he had the circadian rhythms of a teenager, sleeping from 11pm to 10am.

And then, when he was about 5 years old, I realized that I had a sensitive, persnickety kid who CRAVED order and stability, as much as he would tantrum and literally say "curse you, Mommy!!" when I tried to have regular mealtimes and bedtimes.

IT IS SOOOOO HARD FOR ME. I have no recollection of having a bedtime or chores when I was a kid; my mother just either did stuff herself or let it slide.

My kids step all over me because I don't know how to enforce rules and I don't feel like an authority in my own home.
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amother
Olive


 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 10:21 am
The hardest adjustment for DH and I was to remember that we're still a couple and need to preserve the marriage, not just enjoy family time 24/7. It was over 2 years after our first was born that we ever even went out on a date night. Not healthy.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 10:25 am
the constant worrying I do now that I'm not on my own. I used to be more carefree and worryfree now I fret over every cough, cold, pimple and bruise.
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UnFarvosNischt




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 2:11 pm
bigsis144 wrote:
Having to create and stick to routines.

I have always been a very go-with-the-flow kind of person. The house I grew up in was warm but chaotic - the nickname for my parents' bedroom was Grand Central Station because kids were always going in and out to snuggle and schmooze; we often didn't have dinner until 8pm; my mother couldn't bring herself to ever get rid of furniture in our tiny house so we had 4 overstuffed couches at one point; there was always music playing, often from a stereo in one area of the house, someone playing piano in another...

But I did great in school and could wrap my head around scheduling - I even worked as a camp administrator in my teens and did lots of concrete, organizational work.

So I figured I'd be fine with whatever life threw at me.

I didn't ever try to put my newborns on a sleeping schedule, I totally co-slept for 18 months. I shlepped my baby along with me to the grocery store, to dance class and more. I was in online college til my eldest was 2, and it didn't bother me that he had the circadian rhythms of a teenager, sleeping from 11pm to 10am.

And then, when he was about 5 years old, I realized that I had a sensitive, persnickety kid who CRAVED order and stability, as much as he would tantrum and literally say "curse you, Mommy!!" when I tried to have regular mealtimes and bedtimes.

IT IS SOOOOO HARD FOR ME. I have no recollection of having a bedtime or chores when I was a kid; my mother just either did stuff herself or let it slide.

My kids step all over me because I don't know how to enforce rules and I don't feel like an authority in my own home.


Thank your for writing this! I really understand you.
Did you find some tips to get more organized?
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 3:38 pm
That this little person will be dependent on little me for the rest of my life.
The lack of freedom the thought brings
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 3:44 pm
Facing my faults. I am naturally a very impatient person. Unfortunately, that does not work when you are a mommy.
I have to fight with myself on a daily basis to have patience.
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ssss1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 3:52 pm
For me it was the feeling of being stuck...no longer being an independent individual (during newborn stage especially...)
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Boca00




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 4:10 pm
All the kvetching and fighting. It seems to be a hobby for some kiddos.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 5:12 pm
My hardest adjustment is them growing up and not having little humans to nuture and protect. This letting go is hard.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Nov 22 2017, 8:45 pm
Before I had kids, I thought I had pretty good middos. Now, in all aspects of dealing with my kids, I realize how much work on my middos I still need to do...
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