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Forum -> Parenting our children
I basically just told my kid to lie.



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amother
Beige


 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 4:33 pm
I did my kid's homework for her.
Because it was a stupid assignment that had nothing to do with learning and she had so many more valuable learning-related things to do with her time.
And then she told me that what I did was so good that it would be questioned if she actually did it herself.
I told her all she had to say was that her mom helped "a little".
Sure enough she was asked and she lied, as instructed.
I fell like poop.
WWYD?
Please don't tell me I shouldn't have done that. I KNOW that and I have no time machine. What should I do NOW?
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fs




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 4:38 pm
Write a note to the teacher explaining what happened from your prospective (maybe she'll give less hmwk), letting your daughter deliver it to her. So you teach your daughter the invaluable lesson of telling the truth.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 4:41 pm
If you want to turn this into a lesson - arrange to speak to the teacher (in person or on the phone) with your daughter present, and admit the mistakes (doing the homework and asking dd to lie).
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 5:44 pm
Yes be honest. This lesson is far more important to your kid than any homework assignment. Better not to turn it in than tell your kid to lie about it. I’ve sent my kids to school with incomplete homework and have told my kids to say that at a certain time Ima said it was time for homework to be over and that they must go to bed.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 6:20 pm
The teacher already knows you helped more than a little. A second benifit to admitting your mistake is to show the teacher you respect her.
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 6:21 pm
Please don't call the teacher and turn this into a big deal.

Just tell your daughter that the two of you made a mistake and won't do it again.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 20 2017, 6:24 pm
...and that's why I hate school projects that are graded on aesthetics and do not promote academics. Call the teacher and let her know you did it. Tell DD you told the teacher that you instructed her to lie. I make it clear at Back to School Night every year that I absolutely hate these things and all the mothers agree. What a waste of energy.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 21 2017, 4:37 am
Do not do your child's work. It's your child's work. The process of doing it is at least as important as the final grade.
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BH5745




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 21 2017, 6:41 am
We've all made mistakes. But in the grand scope of life this isn't a big deal. It is likely to blow over and be forgotten quickly by your daughter. If your daughter asks you do her homework again next time, tell her that this project/assignment is something important she needs to do/learn on her own, and keep repeating that every time she asks. Eventually she'll figure out that was a one-time thing without a whole big discussion about it. If your daughter is in elementary school, making a big deal out of this is likely to confuse her, as she might come to doubt your judgment and see you as wishy-washy. You're probably better off saying nothing about this and doing better next time, as this won't be an easy one to talk your way out of.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 21 2017, 7:08 am
Add me to the list of people who hate it when kids are graded on the non academic parts.

I agree with Squishy that the teacher probably figured out that you did the lion's share.

But I'm not sure if it makes sense to go to the teacher and confess, with DD in tow. I think it might make her so acutely uncomfortable that she might not learn the important lesson.

Would you consider writing a note? Something like:

Dear Mrs X, I wanted to speak to you about DD's ____ project. Though my intent was to help her do her own work, she was so frustrated that I did more for her than I had intended, as you probably could tell. I'll try to give her more space on the next one.

In order to increase her confidence, can I ask your help in reassuring her before the next project by telling her a maximum time she has to spend on it, and making sure she understands the expectations -- that you would never ask more than she is capable of doing?

Thank you, and I apologize for doing too much! We both really appreciate your fine teaching.
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amother
Slategray


 

Post Tue, Nov 21 2017, 9:23 am
I've done a lot of homework for my kids. Not a big deal. Makes no sense to me to pressure young developing beings. Their attention needs to be on other things, not on completing assignments that are meaningless to the child.
Kids are basically forced to focus their attention in school all day long. When they get home they need a chance to chill.
I was a teacher for many years and saw from that side of the fence that homework really isn't about the true needs of the child.
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