Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
What can I do instead?



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Oak


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 11:00 am
I'm feeling a little bit down had a baby boy late Friday afternoon, little bit disappointed that we didn't really have a shalom zachor, bris will likely be Friday and "nobody" will be able to come to the bris b/c of work. I'm feeling a little bit "down" that its a boy--no kiddush, no pink frilly clothes, just "blah" boy clothes--I have other boys. I know I will come to love him, but part of the fun of having a boy is the "parties" and I'm a very social person. I'm trying to find a way to "enjoy" this simcha and share it with people. Any ideas of how I can accomplish this?
Back to top

HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 11:03 am
You can make a vacht nacht on thursday night (it is a chasidish minhag but many people do it) which can be really nice and gives you a chance to socialize.
Back to top

SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 11:07 am
amother wrote:
I'm feeling a little bit down had a baby boy late Friday afternoon, little bit disappointed that we didn't really have a shalom zachor, bris will likely be Friday and "nobody" will be able to come to the bris b/c of work. I'm feeling a little bit "down" that its a boy--no kiddush, no pink frilly clothes, just "blah" boy clothes--I have other boys. I know I will come to love him, but part of the fun of having a boy is the "parties" and I'm a very social person. I'm trying to find a way to "enjoy" this simcha and share it with people. Any ideas of how I can accomplish this?


Mazel tov.

Shabbat is so early. Why not have a post bris, early evening get together. Toast to the new baby, with a few light desserts. No, it won’t be halachically mandated. But no one says that you can’t have a party.


Last edited by SixOfWands on Sun, Nov 26 2017, 11:10 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 11:08 am
First of all, mazal tov on the birth of your son!

Secondly, Friday is a nice day for a bris. Can you have it early in the morning, before people go to work?

And why can't you sponsor a kiddush in shul on the following shabbat? Or give a dvar Torah (or have your DH give a dvar Torah) in shul the Shabbat after? Or host a shiur/dvar /torah right before kabbalat Shabbat?
Back to top

amother
Oak


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 11:45 am
DrMom wrote:
First of all, mazal tov on the birth of your son!

Secondly, Friday is a nice day for a bris. Can you have it early in the morning, before people go to work?

And why can't you sponsor a kiddush in shul on the following shabbat? Or give a dvar Torah (or have your DH give a dvar Torah) in shul the Shabbat after? Or host a shiur/dvar /torah right before kabbalat Shabbat?


Most of our family doesn't live so conveniently that even "Early" would make a difference--and it will be rushed either way.

I was thinking about doing something Friday night but thought it might be perceived as "weird"
Back to top

tryinghard




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 12:20 pm
amother wrote:
Most of our family doesn't live so conveniently that even "Early" would make a difference--and it will be rushed either way.

I was thinking about doing something Friday night but thought it might be perceived as "weird"


It might be - for like 5 seconds. Then people will come, enjoy, and say "what a great idea!"
Back to top

33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 1:17 pm
amother wrote:
Most of our family doesn't live so conveniently that even "Early" would make a difference--and it will be rushed either way.

I was thinking about doing something Friday night but thought it might be perceived as "weird"


Would that work if they don't live so conveniently?
Back to top

seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 1:27 pm
amother wrote:
Most of our family doesn't live so conveniently that even "Early" would make a difference--and it will be rushed either way.

I was thinking about doing something Friday night but thought it might be perceived as "weird"

Then how would it help if he had not been born on Friday? The bris would either be 1) early in the morning before people go to work and skipped by people who live too far to make it back in time for work, 2) random daytime when many people won't come because they're at work, 3) ON Shabbos which is probably more of a hassle than it's worth, most people wouldn't come for the whole Shabbos for this, 4) On Sunday which is a lucky break but the odds aren't great out of 7 days of the week. It's winter, if you live in the Northern hemisphere then after work is not an option because it's already dark by then. So I get your disappointment at not having the bris party you were looking forward to, but not sure how the Friday-ness of the bris is a factor.

The Friday-ness for the shalom zachor is definitely a thing, but again for about half the week the mom won't be home in time for the shalom zachor anyway. But I think it would be nice for you to have an informal/untraditional shalom zachor the next week, especially since we have these nice long Friday nights now.
Back to top

amother
Magenta


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 1:31 pm
Aside from the vachnacht (which for us is the most major simcha after the birth of a boy) we also do a l'chaim in the house for a minyan of men who come to daven ma'ariv the first week so that the kimpeturin can hear her husband saying borchu. After ma'ariv led by the husband the men sit down and eat and drink for a bit. If you'd like, you can do that and turn it into more of a simcha-kind of affair.
Back to top

DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 1:46 pm
I'm totally hearing you OP. After my babies are born I need to have the people I love around me. I don't count myself as particularly social, but somehow after I have a baby I really appreciate feeling surrounded by loved ones. What we've done is gone to my mom for the first Shabbos after my babies are born. My siblings all come too, and we have a great big chaotic family Shabbos. I've invited friends and extended family members to come too. This tradition started after my first son was born very prematurely; he and I were still in the hospital for his shalom zachor, and he didn't have a bris until he was several months old. I was left with the terrible feeling that we hadn't really celebrated this child's birth at all. My mom found me sobbing one morning after yet another doctor's visit after my little guy had finally come home from the hospital; the doctor had told me again that my baby had not yet gained enough weight for a bris. It was her idea to make a family weekend to celebrate his birth. I've had three more little boys, and we've done a family Shabbos for all of them. My sisters and mom help me with the baby, and my other kids have their cousins to run around with. When I need quiet, I go to my room. I know this must sound like torture to some postpartum women, but for me, its exactly what I need.
Back to top

GrowingUp




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 4:26 pm
amother wrote:
no pink frilly clothes


I found this the hardest adjustment when I had a boy after my little princess.
Boys can look cute and dressed up, even without the headbands and earrings!
You can find him cute hats, bibdanas, paci clips, moccasins etc.

My baby was also a winter Friday afternoon boy. Small shalom zochar in the hospital with just me and DH. The bris ended up being on the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend, so plenty of people were there. However, I don't think I would've noticed if there wasn't a great turnout. I was quite hormonal and out of it...
Back to top

boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 9:45 pm
Mazal tov!!! I am the mother of a bunch of boys (hence my screen name). Boys are so exciting!
Funny, I prefer to be left alone for a few weeks after giving birth, I always dream of having a girl adn waiting a month or two before making a kiddush so that I can socialize only when I feel ready to, rather than having to socialize at shalom zachor adn bris when iam feeling disgusting awful.
but, no matter, you adn I must just be a different type!
IN that case, I second the idea to have a Friday night get together or a Thursday night vach nacht! you could just invite close friends and neighbors and keep it simple. dont worry about people thinking its weird, I am sure they will love it!

May you be blessed with an abundance of nachas from your precious baby boy!
Back to top

Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2017, 9:51 pm
amother wrote:
Most of our family doesn't live so conveniently that even "Early" would make a difference--and it will be rushed either way.

I was thinking about doing something Friday night but thought it might be perceived as "weird"


I recently went to a Motzei Shabbos baby girl kiddush. When I first got the invitation I thought it was weird, but then I went and enjoyed myself and none of us guests at the party cared that it was weird. It was a really nice, fun party, and for whatever reason that's what they chose to do.

Do whatever makes you happy, who cares if it's weird?!
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

Related Topics Replies Last Post
How to parent toddler instead of potching
by amother
27 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:28 pm View last post
Updated ACCIDENTALLY PUT BAKING POWDR INSTEAD OF BAKING SODA
by dena613
4 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 9:31 am View last post
Books instead of therapy
by amother
39 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 9:10 pm View last post
What do you eat instead of cholent? want a change
by amother
22 Wed, Mar 13 2024, 11:48 pm View last post
Using instant soup instead of ramen in salad
by amother
15 Tue, Mar 12 2024, 7:12 pm View last post