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How's life?
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 12:32 am
“That every single person in the world, without exception, has some HUGE thing that they struggle with. That the people who you think have an "easy life" do not. Whatever HUGE thing you're struggling with, they have something that huge too.”

Do you agree or disagree with this quote?
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 12:44 am
Disagree. Some people have lives that are objectively really difficult and some have lives that are objectively really easy. Can rich people have problems? Sure. But are there rich people who are healthy and have wonderful families and smart, well adjusted kids? Absolutely.

As your nursery school teacher should have told you, life isn't fair.
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InnerMe




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 12:45 am
I agree with the general message ie. Don't be fooled by people who seem to have perfect lives. Yes, everyone has challenges to some degree. But I don't agree with the part about "they have something that huge too." We can't and don't measure pain. Just because I have a cup of pain should I assume you have a cup and half? Pain is immeasurable. But the message is: Not all that glitters is gold. Don't waste emotional energy envying people with seemingly perfect lives.

ETA I thought this will be a thread about the expected response to the meaningless "how's life?" and how we should totally do away with all these social niceties... LOL


Last edited by InnerMe on Tue, Nov 28 2017, 12:49 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 12:48 am
100% agree.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Nov 28 2017, 5:32 am; edited 1 time in total
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 1:05 am
I don't think anyone gets through life unscathed. People deal with loss, deal with heartbreak, have financial or family issues. I don't think the op of that quote meant to say that everyone has equal amounts of pain, merely that even rich or outwardly successful people have their share of cr@p
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 1:48 am
heidi wrote:
I don't think anyone gets through life unscathed. People deal with loss, deal with heartbreak, have financial or family issues. I don't think the op of that quote meant to say that everyone has equal amounts of pain, merely that even rich or outwardly successful people have their share of cr@p


Could be. But I'm aware and profoundly grateful that my life has a lot less cr@p than most. Some people really have a truckload of it, while some barely have a plateful. (Though I do know some folks who think that rescheduling a massage is a tragedy of massive proportions. In their minds, that constitutes a terrible problem, so they think they have lots of problems. But seriously...)
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Surrendered




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 1:51 am
.

Last edited by Surrendered on Mon, Dec 26 2022, 3:29 pm; edited 2 times in total
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 1:53 am
Surrendered wrote:
Everyone's shoe drops at some point in life. Life may go smooth at one point of it but nobody gets away in life 'for free'.


How do you know this? Would you honestly feel better knowing that someone else is going to suffer?

It seems like we're afraid to admit that life can be unfair.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 1:54 am
There's one woman I always envied, she seemed to have 'The perfect life', I just heard that her hubby is mentally off. All people got something...
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mandksima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 3:57 am
I think different people deal with their problems in different ways and one can't compare problems. Someone could have had a difficult childhood and their adult life could be missing all of those problems so they feel their life is wonderful. They only feel that way though because they have let go of their pain and moved on to enjoy their adult life. Anyone who has held onto their pain would still have that and no matter how good their life seems now (by an outsider's perspective of someone's perfect life) they would constantly feel their pain puts them at a disadvantage.

Then there are those with a trouble free youth and problems that come up later in life and all of a sudden they have so many problems and think the next person's life is way better.

One can not compare whole lifetimes to each other. There are always parts that are relatively easy and other times when it is harder. People's perspectives make all of the difference.

I don't believe anyone lives a life without issue. If they feel their life is great that is because they are looking at it with a good eye and they feel they have no right to complain about the life Hashem gave them. If someone is looking at their life with a bad eye then no amount of relatively good moments are going to make it seem good and easy. They will always complain and mourn the bad parts.

People ignore the bad parts sometimes because they feel the good outweighs the bad. Let's say someone has a very difficult birth but a lovely healthy child who grows up wonderfully and gives them lots of nachas. They aren't going to be harping about the birth as they are over that and happy everything else turned out well. Some hard parts of life are a given without tainting their beautiful perspective.

Part of these days before Moshiach is that everyone is going through the birthpangs of Moshiach together. Even if your life is pretty easy going, we are all communally suffering for the ills of our current time. Our communities aren't immune to pain and we feel each other's suffering.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 7:54 am
Everyone has problems but I don’t believe everyone has HUGE problems. Many do, but some people are simply looking at their own problems through a 20x magnifying glass and reacting accordingly. I think we all know people who are “devastated” by a broken fingernail and others who bravely carry on when their house is destroyed by a hurricane or they receive a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer.

And I think we all know people who really do live charmed lives and have never faced any serious challenges. That’s not to say they have zero problems, but their problems are relatively mild and they are able to resolve them or adapt to them with reasonable speed.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 8:08 am
I have a good friend with a perfect life. She grew up with tons of friends, money, great family, etc. No emotional or spiritual issues, never traumatized, great school, married straight out of high school, got a dream job, dream DH, everything is perfect and great.

And she can't understand when others suffer. She has no idea what it's like. She told me she feels like she has no depth, she can't understand or empathize with someone. She feels like her relationships and life doesn't have much depth to it, she never had to work for something, nothing was ever hard, she never had to make a decision herself. She feels everyone is more accomplished and has more meaning in her life, she just never had to work for anything, it all came to her. She wonders what challenges are. When things get a tiny bit hard, when someone yells at her, or she ruins a favorite peice of clothing, she simply does not know how to deal with it. She is so sensitive to life, if anything goes wrong a teeny bit it completely throws her off track, and then- people laugh at her nisyonos, and she feels isolated, and misunderstood.

Perfect life, isn't perfect.
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Motherhood




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 10:16 am
As I heard someone once say "Everybody has a bag of tzaaros: some are black and some are seethrough". Everyone has something, but not always can you tell. I do agree, though, that some bags are bigger and some are smaller.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 12:58 pm
Surrendered wrote:
Everyone's shoe drops at some point in life. Life may go smooth at one point of it but nobody gets away in life 'for free'.


Love this, and I say it often. Hashem doesn't put someone into this world to get a "free ride" - it just wouldn't make sense.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 1:50 pm
amother wrote:
Love this, and I say it often. Hashem doesn't put someone into this world to get a "free ride" - it just wouldn't make sense.


So you think Hashem put us here to suffer? Surely He could find a better way for us to come closer to Him.

Just because something doesn't make sense to us doesn't mean it can't be so. We don't know the ways of Hashem.
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soaraway




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 1:54 pm
Not true at all. It's one of those things people tell themselves to make themselves feel better about people who seem to have an easier life. They might just have an easier life. But don't confuse good life with easy life. Not the same. I wouldn't trade my challenges for anything, but definitely wouldn't want my kids to have them!
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Surrendered




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 2:04 pm
Challenges are given, pain is a choice!
Transform your life, by calling the Transformation Hotline (Tips in challenging situations) 712 770 4865 pin: 549732#


Last edited by Surrendered on Mon, Dec 26 2022, 3:32 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 2:04 pm
The way I see it 10% of the world has it perfect, 10% have it really really crappy and the rest have a mixture of good and bad in their lives.
Most people I’ve met live with some kind of challenge. And ofcourse there’s no comparing “kinds” of challenges. Especially since we all have different personalities, breaking points, and pain tolerance.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 2:53 pm
There are ups and downs for everyone. Yes, at 20 years old many have not yet suffered. But at 60? 80? There is no such thing as a person that hasn't had major life suffering their entire life. There are so many forms of pain, and nobody gets through with nothing. Personally, my problems were all very trivial until age 25 when I found out my kid was kidnapped and the aftermath of that was severe and lasted years. When I was suffering, I really was one of the few 25 year old dealing with "big league" issues. But people catch up eventually. That's just what life is--we are all tested and have to go through the process of learning emunah, resilience, and meaning.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2017, 4:17 pm
amother wrote:
I have a good friend with a perfect life. She grew up with tons of friends, money, great family, etc. No emotional or spiritual issues, never traumatized, great school, married straight out of high school, got a dream job, dream DH, everything is perfect and great.

And she can't understand when others suffer. She has no idea what it's like. She told me she feels like she has no depth, she can't understand or empathize with someone. She feels like her relationships and life doesn't have much depth to it, she never had to work for something, nothing was ever hard, she never had to make a decision herself. She feels everyone is more accomplished and has more meaning in her life, she just never had to work for anything, it all came to her. She wonders what challenges are. When things get a tiny bit hard, when someone yells at her, or she ruins a favorite peice of clothing, she simply does not know how to deal with it. She is so sensitive to life, if anything goes wrong a teeny bit it completely throws her off track, and then- people laugh at her nisyonos, and she feels isolated, and misunderstood.

Perfect life, isn't perfect.


When things just don't always go your way, and when you have to work for things, and when you have to learn how to cope and deal with hardships you gain a lot! such as resilience, awareness, empathy, and sensitivity. I truly feel bad for your friend. It sounds like she feels a sense of emptiness. she also lacks the resilience and tools to deal with slight aggravations and annoyances.
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