Teachers- ugh!!! | Imamother

amother

Coffee

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 7:49 pm

Don’t you get it? We are in a financially tight position. Tuition is eating up my budget. Plus all other expenses, student loans, rent, food, medical insurance...
I don’t have it! My kid is Shabbos Abba /Imma and I need to bring in huge amounts of stuff. 64 oz bottle of grape juice? Why does preschool need to drink so much? It’s just sugar! Plus expensive. We don’t just drink it for fun at home. Kiddish only. Plus 2 challos, snacks...

We got notice that they are collecting money for Chanukah gifts for teachers. $50 each kid??? Ok, you say give what you can and I might just put $10 in a sealed envelope and hope no one tells the teachers. I do appreciate it but I can’t afford it!

Now you want me to also give a gift to the class that you chose for my kid’s birthday. So expensive and an extra we don’t have. And when I said embarrassingly that it’s a hard month and we just don’t have it I got a mini speech about how the kids feel good about contributing to the class and it’s such a nice things for the kids... and when I repeated that I don’t have it, I was told “but it’s only $30”. Again, I will have to ask my husband but I don’t think we can. So sorry but it’s just not likely... “well, give what you can and we can combine with the next kids’ birthday gift to the class...”

We just don’t have it!! Exploding anger

amother

Coffee

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 8:31 pm

chocolatecake wrote:

I am sorry. The schools especially preschools are constantly asking for things...nosh for shabbos ima..apples for the "haeitz" store etc. Its always been a cheap thing though and thankfully they give two days notice. 30$ for a birthday present is a little excessive. My daughters teacher asked for $5 and shed buy a toy the class could use.

So frustrating! They don’t usually ask for lots of things but this was a lot at once. AND I recently agreed to do the class’s wash for their towels and sheets. Haven’t gotten the bag yet so don’t know how much but it’s a big bag for sure and still... I am not being stingy or unwilling to help or appreciate the work they do. Tuition is a lot. Plus extra fees and extras at the beginning of the year. Just stop asking me for stuff and making me feel awful we are really pinched this month!!! It’s this dumb gift or maybe gas for the car I need for work embarrassed

amother

Tan

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 8:36 pm

OP, I wonder if the preschool director knows that teachers are asking for expensive gifts for the class present, as it is parents spend for the cupcakes if they do a party for the class. Teachers should not be making the mothers feel bad or pressuring even a little bit about a gift.
A gift for the class is if a parent wants to donate a toy to the class, it is in no way mandatory, and in no way should a parent feel pressured into giving one. I would complain to the director.

amother

Coffee

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 8:56 pm

amother wrote:

It was in the handbook from the director that some parents like to honor their child’s birthday this way and if you do to ask the teachers what they want. I didn’t expect a call! And I definitely didn’t expect to have to refuse after hearing that “it’s only $30” two times!!
I hear constantly that teachers are underpaid. Do they not understand that other professions aren’t well paid either and they don’t get “non mandatory but highly encouraged tips”? Do they assume we are all well paid and have tons of excess cash??

amother

Ruby

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 9:06 pm

I'm a pre-school teacher and by birthday parties the mother brings ONE thing, school policy & no musts abt bringing present for class . If mother wants to she can, but no obligation.
And shabbos party I really work hard that the 2 chosen ones don't need to bring s/thing very often....! We also a small class, so we don't need a lot of whatever it is the child's needs to bring in.
Hope u understand,or get a bit more clarity

amother

Coffee

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 9:10 pm

amother wrote:

Clarity? It is still expensive and adds up. What if a mom says they can’t afford it? They just cannot do the challah, grape juice and snacks? Will their kid be left out? Not able to be the Abbas or Immas?
We aren’t actually poor like getting Tomchei or on food stamps. But are very tight in that we don’t eat out, we don’t have any extras...

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 9:27 pm

Honestly, as terrible as this sounds, my experiences with three preschools have been so different!

- I have to pay a one time $30 fee for my daughter's snack for the entire year. Done.

- When she is shabbas mommy or my son was shabbas tatty, one nosh for the class. Sometimes it was a bag of pretzels ($3) and if I wanted to splurge it was a package of wafers ($6). I've never had to send grape juice. Really? Purple punch can just as well serve as grape juice for the sake of the kid "making kiddush.' And this is in addition to challah and snack??? Something is wrong here!

- Chanuka money for teachers was either everyone do/give what you want or $14 per kid. (which is way cheaper than "do what you want" where I felt I had to give a minimum of $20 for the teacher and $10 for the assistant)

- For a birthday, everyone brings what they want! These are little kids, for goodness sakes! One kid brings just cupcakes. One brings pekelach with a drink and prize inside, and one kid handed out ices!

I have to say, I have found them to be very in tune with most parents' financial situation. Maybe you send to a school with a "rich" parent body?

amother

Lavender

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 11:01 pm

I don't know my experience as a teacher was tottaly different for shabbos party at one school it was regular snack plus a bit of grape juice that the school provided at a different school I taught the imma/abba brought in an uncut fruit for the class but only one kid brought in each week the grape juice was provided by the school

For birthdays one school at a 5-10 dollar fee and we baked cupcakes in the classroom for the birthday no parents brought a present for the class in the other school we again baked cupcakes for the class and if the parents wished they can bring fancy paper goods or a present for the class.

I think you can complain to the director I think all of it is unnecessary. Particularly the shabbos party part how many treats do the kids need?!?!

RebekahsMom

Thu, Nov 30 2017, 11:39 pm

One of my kids was in a public preschool (special education), and class parties encouraged a parent to come in and read a book instead of throw a party. Snacks were allowed, but discouraged due to allergies.

And for holidays/ end of year, the class mom (me) had to send their donation letter to the principal for approval, and you were not allowed to ask for more than $5 per child (9 in class, and not everyone donates). And that covered 3 teachers!!

I appreciate the hard work that they do. I’m glad to send in tissues and wipes when necessary. But don’t expect that parents have a spare $30 laying around. I wasn’t working. I wasn’t buying coffee like the other moms. $30 was weeks of trimming the grocery bill, and I was a couponing queen to feed us.

Now I’m working, they’re older, and b”H I’m able to donate $5 to the class gift and maybe a little gift card just from my kids. But I will never forget the days that I volunteered at the school (because if I couldn’t give money, I could at least give time), and parents made me feel horrible because they gave $20 for a fundraiser and my name wasn’t included on the giving sheet. So I will never judge someone for not having it.

amother

Coffee

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 1:54 am

Thanks for telling me I am not crazy. If at the end I am spending $60 on this one day it is likely under. 2 snacks, challah, grape juice and that dumb present that if I do I will speak to the director about the pushy teacher. She is fabulous but I was upset after that conversation. Don’t tell a parent that it is “just” a certain amount of money!! We might pay full tuition (but she shouldn’t know that) but I carefully budget around it. I am pretty good at cutting costs where possible, use coupons, try to fix what I can myself and learn how to do things, and don’t buy fancy things or gifts! If my kid has nice clothes it might be from a gift, a hand me down, or from a crazy good deal I managed to do that made it cheaper than target clothes.
Not sure what to say to director.
“I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the teachers my kid has. They show such care and warmth-I am very impressed every time I see them with my child! I did want to comment on one thing that happened though. I am sure it was unintentional in the way it came across but I received a call yesterday about my kids birthday party that is taking place today. I was pressured to give a fair amount of money for a gift for the class and after expressing an issue with it and that it is not really feasible this month, the pressure still continued. I was then told “well it is only X amount” and did not seem to understand that it was just not really feasible. Please don’t assume what is budgeted for the month or what means a parent has. This is after paying for a Shabbos party and being told to make it a birthday party as well and bring a bakery cake. I managed to make it work but not without struggle— I am out of work right now—but what about a parent who went without a meal, a doctor copay, or behind on another bill because she couldn’t say no? A parent shouldn’t feel resentful or pressured to do something- particularly one that is not a requirement or will greatly affect their kid’s growth and development.”

Thoughts? I hate confrontation. So nervous about saying this...

And if you are the director- PLEASE listen...

amother

Chocolate

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 4:58 am

I agree with you 100%. This is just one of the strong reasons we moved to Eretz HaKodesh. About 20% of our post-tax salary was going to paying tuition fees. That was for 2 kids- inagine how bloated that number would become when the rest start school. Then on top of outrageous tuition and fees, there are the little extras that add up. And then outrageous health insurance costs and crazy rent costs... Plus there is such a pressure to keep up with the Goldbergs and act like you've got money that you just don't. It pains me to think of the tens of thousands of dollars we threw away for simchas and pre-school tuition when here we're paying 90% less for all that stuff Speechless