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Teachers- ugh!!!
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 5:55 am
I would have said it before I spent the money. Now, that the money is spent, it doesn't gain you anything. I would let it go as I wouldn't want to be the parent who complains.

It seems you didn't like certain of the teacher's words besides the policy. The policy may have been the director's with the teacher being under pressure.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 6:25 am
Teachers ugh?
I'm a teacher, my mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher, I have teachers, and we don't give or get gifts or spend like this. America ugh, maybe. I suspect NY ugh.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 7:21 am
I remember years ago, a teacher asked for a white pillowcase two weeks before Pesach, so the kids could make their own pillowcases for the Seder. It was a cute project, but really, you're sending me to shop just before Pesach? The teacher was young and single and had no clue. Someone spoke to the preschool director, and she sent the teacher to buy all the pillowcases.
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ttbtbm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 7:39 am
amother wrote:
Thanks for telling me I am not crazy. If at the end I am spending $60 on this one day it is likely under. 2 snacks, challah, grape juice and that dumb present that if I do I will speak to the director about the pushy teacher. She is fabulous but I was upset after that conversation. Don’t tell a parent that it is “just” a certain amount of money!! We might pay full tuition (but she shouldn’t know that) but I carefully budget around it. I am pretty good at cutting costs where possible, use coupons, try to fix what I can myself and learn how to do things, and don’t buy fancy things or gifts! If my kid has nice clothes it might be from a gift, a hand me down, or from a crazy good deal I managed to do that made it cheaper than target clothes.
Not sure what to say to director.
“I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the teachers my kid has. They show such care and warmth-I am very impressed every time I see them with my child! I did want to comment on one thing that happened though. I am sure it was unintentional in the way it came across but I received a call yesterday about my kids birthday party that is taking place today. I was pressured to give a fair amount of money for a gift for the class and after expressing an issue with it and that it is not really feasible this month, the pressure still continued. I was then told “well it is only X amount” and did not seem to understand that it was just not really feasible. Please don’t assume what is budgeted for the month or what means a parent has. This is after paying for a Shabbos party and being told to make it a birthday party as well and bring a bakery cake. I managed to make it work but not without struggle— I am out of work right now—but what about a parent who went without a meal, a doctor copay, or behind on another bill because she couldn’t say no? A parent shouldn’t feel resentful or pressured to do something- particularly one that is not a requirement or will greatly affect their kid’s growth and development.”

Thoughts? I hate confrontation. So nervous about saying this...

And if you are the director- PLEASE listen...

Give the director a call. They shouldn't pressure parents to spend x amount of money. My child's teacher was so sweet when it came to her birthday. She said that the children feel special "giving" a gift to the class and having it in the room, using it etc. her suggestions were anything from a jump rope to a cd to a toy for the class. I could have sent in a 99 cent jump rope and this teacher would have made my child feel special everyday when they went out to play. Just as special as the child who gave a huge box of manga tiles to the class.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 8:02 am
I think what you planned to say is just fine as it is.

Let us know how the conversation goes.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 8:11 am
Sadly it doesn't end as the kids grow up. It's now I need $40 for the school shabbos, $100 for the school overnight trip, $10 per teacher (x 6 per older kid, x3 for younger) for chanukah gifts, $10 each time a teacher has a simcha, endless school supplies,or a sefer even during the school year. It really adds up.
This week ds suddenly needed $4 the next day for pizza and soda. Well, we Had no cash at home, so I didn't send. I thought that thed morah will give ds the pizza and I will send it in the next day. She actually didn't give it to him, and I felt so awful for him.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 8:26 am
Why would you assume that without writing a note to her? She probably assumed you didn't want him to get pizza. She's not a mind reader! Plus, maybe in the past she laid out money and never got repaid.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 8:50 am
Oy, just wait until your kids hit bar/bas mitzvah.

In DD's school, everyone in the class had to be invited to the simcha. There had to be an expensive party in the class, and every girl was expected to give 100 shekels to the bas mitzvah girl as a present.

30 girls in a class, that gets expensive FAST! They were careful to include the girls who had summer birthdays, as well (which I think is nice), but wow with all the expenses.

We had just made Aliyah that year, and didn't have a lot of money left over. DD was desperate to fit in and be accepted. We didn't have a choice, we had to make it work.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 9:17 am
Squishy wrote:
I would have said it before I spent the money. Now, that the money is spent, it doesn't gain you anything. I would let it go as I wouldn't want to be the parent who complains.

It seems you didn't like certain of the teacher's words besides the policy. The policy may have been the director's with the teacher being under pressure.

I am giving the money in over an hour. I didn’t like the teacher not letting go. I already said 3 times I can’t do it. Stop making me feel guilty! It makes me feel the teacher only cares about the class getting a new toy that she picked out. It sounded like she had her heart set and it is almost greedy!!! What about me? My kid?
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 9:43 am
amother wrote:
I am giving the money in over an hour. I didn’t like the teacher not letting go. I already said 3 times I can’t do it. Stop making me feel guilty! It makes me feel the teacher only cares about the class getting a new toy that she picked out. It sounded like she had her heart set and it is almost greedy!!! What about me? My kid?


you should def. find out if this is something the director mandates or if this is something that she does on her own.
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ValleyMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 10:30 am
As a teacher, wife, mom I feel obliged to add a comment.

I NEVER ask parents to bring the class a gift in honor of their birthday.
When parents ASK what is typically done to celebrate a birthday I tel them to keep it simple:

Birthday treat, one per child, if they would like they can make a goody bag to distribute.
The birthday treat can be anything from sprinkle cookies to a cupcake to a 1/2 sheet cake.

I find most children are grateful for ANY special snack they are not expecting.

As for a "goody bag" I tell the parents it is totally up to them- it is NOT mandatory.
I always suggest Dollar Tree or the dollar section at Target.

Every week I have at least one parent asking if there is anything the class needs...
Just yesterday I told a mommy our play dough needs to be refreshed and we looked on Amazon for a cheap option.

IT IS HARD paying tuition and being nickled and dimed by teachers.

I ask every child's family to contribute $40 the first day of school to cover all costs of materials, supplies etc. And then I never ask for another penny for the rest of the year.

Times are tough financially for many parents- they should not be made to feel uncomfortable or not good enough because they simply cannot buy toys for the classroom. The teacher needs to tell the director what she needs and not the tuition paying parents!
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 01 2017, 3:45 pm
I am a teacher and what she did was classless.

I am a class mother for several years. This came about as a result of a phone call from another parent letting me know I was the only mother that hadn't sent in the money yet and until she has it she wouldn't give the gift. So I came up with a system for collecting money that has since been adopted schoolwide. My DDs distribute a small note with an attached envelope to their classmates, which they bring home when parents send in the money ($4 per teacher and $2 per assistant). My kids know never to make announcements or ask for the money from individual classmates. A day or two before Chanukah I send them with a reminder note for the whole class. My kids put that on the desks during lunch, when the girls aren't there. Whatever comes in the teachers get. There are far too many families that just can't send it in but are too embarrassed to admit that to another parent in the class.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 9:58 am
So thanks for your support. I spoke to the director and she was appalled by the teachers way of asking. She said the gift is totally voluntary and is instead of gift bags if you want. And there is no money amount. It’s whatever you want to do and give. She called a huge meeting of the whole early childhood and said a parent from one of the different classes and grades mentioned something and that this is not the way we do it etc.
I felt completely understood! Yay for speaking up! I am glad I stopped This from happening to another parent too...
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 11:00 am
Ruchel wrote:
Teachers ugh?
I'm a teacher, my mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher, I have teachers, and we don't give or get gifts or spend like this. America ugh, maybe. I suspect NY ugh.


Would you still be saying that if you were the one receiving the presents...
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 11:04 am
op wow. my daughter was shabbos mommy just 2 weeks ago and all I had to bring in was a mezonos nosh. and I sent in two packages of wafers. zehu. nothing more. I dont even think they give the kids grape juice. shabbos mommy/tatty is just for the kids to have an experience. its exciting for them. to make so much pressure is useless and not called for.

for chanuka my daughter has 3 teachers. everyone gets 6$ so I have to send in 18$ total. for the bus teacher I will get a gift. not sure what though. my sons rebbi is another whole story. he is a special needs child so I will definitely give 50$. but I cant do more. because I simply cant.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 11:05 am
amother wrote:
So thanks for your support. I spoke to the director and she was appalled by the teachers way of asking. She said the gift is totally voluntary and is instead of gift bags if you want. And there is no money amount. It’s whatever you want to do and give. She called a huge meeting of the whole early childhood and said a parent from one of the different classes and grades mentioned something and that this is not the way we do it etc.
I felt completely understood! Yay for speaking up! I am glad I stopped This from happening to another parent too...


You go girl!!
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 11:07 am
amother wrote:
Sadly it doesn't end as the kids grow up. It's now I need $40 for the school shabbos, $100 for the school overnight trip, $10 per teacher (x 6 per older kid, x3 for younger) for chanukah gifts, $10 each time a teacher has a simcha, endless school supplies,or a sefer even during the school year. It really adds up.
This week ds suddenly needed $4 the next day for pizza and soda. Well, we Had no cash at home, so I didn't send. I thought that thed morah will give ds the pizza and I will send it in the next day. She actually didn't give it to him, and I felt so awful for him.


I would not send to such a school. The Resishis Chochma and many mussar seforim use the expression 'nofel l gehennom' (long term) instead of 'yored lgehennom' (11 months) for embarrassing someone in public.. And you can't ask a child mechila, you need to wait till bar mitzva to.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 6:18 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Teachers ugh?
I'm a teacher, my mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher, I have teachers, and we don't give or get gifts or spend like this. America ugh, maybe. I suspect NY ugh.


Are you happy, now?(After the NEW YORK BASHING). Does it make you feel good all over?

I suggest you open your own NY bashing forum. It will be politically correct. and of course

their will be plenty of cronies to keep you company.
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Optione




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 6:51 pm
I couldn't even read you entire post and empathize because your title was so offensive for me.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Mon, Dec 04 2017, 8:56 pm
Optione wrote:
I couldn't even read you entire post and empathize because your title was so offensive for me.


I agree! Now that your issue is resolved, I think you need to think about this. It really is so telling about you and says absolutely nothing about teachers.

There are so many things I thought this thread might be about. Honestly, this is the last thing I imagined. You had one incident with one teacher that has nothing to even do with teaching or school!
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