Can a pregnant woman be Kvatterin?

amother

Copper

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 1:53 am

Hi,
I am BH currently 20 weeks pregnant with our first child after 3 years of infertility.
I am clearly showing BH.

We were asked to be kvatter at a bris next week (they dont know I am pregnant).
Ive heard conflicting opinions, some say, its allowed, while others strictly forbid it.
My husband does not want to ask a Rav, because he thinks its too small of a problem to ask and its no halcha, just a minhag.
Now I am stuck. Dont know what to do. I cant personally ask a rav, we live in a Hasidic community.

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 3:13 am

If your husband doesn't want to ask the Rav - then he must be comfortable on what to do. What does he want to do?

Personally - I'd disclose my pregnancy to the new parents - thank them for the kibbud, but ask if their intention was to give to someone as a Segulah, would they like to 'reassign' the honor...as you are now pregnant.

(you could also just internalize it as a segulah for a healthy pregnancy and birth).

B'shaa tova.

smileyfaces

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 3:16 am

There’s no problem too small to ask a Rav. In life you should be comfortable asking the rav for guidance on all subjects big and small.

jewwoman

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 3:43 am

Some say that if your showing its an ayin hara. So I would ask ur rav. Honestly a hhalf decent rabbi would not be bothered whether the question is big or small

Raisin

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 6:46 am

Halachically yes. Re the minhag that it is a segula for children - unfortunately not every pregnancy ends in a healthy baby, especially early on. So if I were you I would be happy to take the honour.

amother

Seagreen

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 7:51 am

You should tell the couple you are pregnant - because if they want to give the segulah to someone who does not have children to help them have children, you would be taking that away.

Halachically though, it isn't a problem (though I'm not chassidish, so I wouldn't know if chassidim have a different issue with it).

watergirl

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 8:02 am

Not sure why you cant ask a rav. Thats what they are there for.

I agree to tell them you are expecting.

I also agree that this is 1000000% a minhag and not halacha.

amother

Chocolate

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 8:02 am

We are chabad and our rav told us a pregnant lady can't be kvatterin cuz the whole thing of kvatterin is that it's a "pair" - husband and wife or sister and brother escorting the baby. And the baby inside of you makes you a threesome. Same concept as when we escort the chosen and kallah. According to our rav if a set of parents are divorced they need to choose another couple to walk them down in place of their parent (usually the actual parents will also walk them down next to the married couple) .
That being said once I was in early pregnanacy and rav said it's fine for me to be kvatterin because I was under 40 days of pregnancy, so it's not considered a person yet. And the zchus to be kvatterin really has nothing specifically to do with the segulah to become preganant, but rather a segulah for general brachos in the person's life. I hope that helps!

SuperWify

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 8:16 am

I was once asked to be kevater when I was 3 months pregnant. We accepted because we didn’t want anyone to know.

But at your point your showing so you can tell them.

I don’t understand, just be your chasidish why can’t you ask your Rav? And is he so scary that DH can’t ask him this question ? Please find a new Rav!!!!

amother

Aqua

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 9:33 am

It doesnt hurt to ask. I am chasidish. When I was pregnant with my first I was asked if I wanted to be kvater. I was told by my rav a very strong no. A few weeks later I was asked again by a diffrent bris. I was probably around 3 months maybe even a little later I think. If you looked really good at me you were abe tell I was pregnant. I was worried that by attending the bris and Not being kvater I was announcing my pregnany -these reletives would check me out to find out my "status". for diffrent reasons I was not ready to announce my pregnany. I couldnt reach the firat rav so I called another rav to explain the whole situation and he told me. he doesnt always say yes. it depends on the situation how far along... but if this is the case, I can be kvater.

pause

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 10:12 am

SuperWify wrote:

I may be stretching far, but my assumption is OP herself is not chassidish. Chassidish people don't live in a "Hassidic" community... Wink

She's seems to be not chassidish but lives in a place surrounded by chassidish people. She's explaining why she can't ask a rav. Though I don't understand the connection since most rabbanim are reached by phone, not by personally visiting their home/shul.

ra_mom

Fri, Dec 01 2017, 1:17 pm

amother wrote:

Yes a pregnant woman can be kvatter.

amother

Burlywood

Sat, Dec 02 2017, 7:39 pm

I did it when I was pregnant in first month and I still have no kids. (I miscarried my first and so far only pregnancy.)

amother

Copper

Thu, Dec 07 2017, 8:57 am

Thank you for the input.

We ended up asking a Rav and were told that purely halachically speaking it is no problem but if you are already clearly showing, then it may be an issue of ayin hara, so lots of people avoid it.

We ended up not doing it (besides I was sick with a bronchitis at the time, anyway, and wouldnt want to carry a newborn in that state).

Iymnok

Thu, Dec 07 2017, 9:39 am

I was asked a few months ago. I was about 6 months, clearly showing. In the end she had her brother do it, parents of 11 and 7 months along.
We didn't realize how serious they were when they asked us.