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Best way to give this type of tzedaka?
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amother
Blue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 7:47 am
My husband know a man in shul who has not worn a coat or scarf all season. My husband asked him and the man said something about his old ones being worn out or lost...my husband thinks that the man cannot afford a coat or scarf.
The man came to shul with his son one week who also did not wear a coat.
We would very much like to buy a coat and scarf for this man, as well as for his children and wife if they do not have. What is the best way of doing this so as not to embarrass them?
Buy coats that are returnable (with gift receipts) and have them shipped to their house with no return address?
Send a gift card?
Give cash?
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 7:58 am
That is so generous of you.

I would send an anonymous gift card with a note saying that it's for coats.
Can you afford coats from Lands Ends. I say this because I know they last and if something happens they stand by their product.
Also, if the kids are small I would try to get them something that would last 2 seasons.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:02 am
Buy coats and ship them abononymously with a gift receipt.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:10 am
As someone who has been on the receiving end of some amazing chesed and tzedaka I want to say that this is so kind of you. Obviously they have other expenses where the money is going first and this is a way they will be "forced" to use it for coats without feeling guilty because it should have gone 5 other places first. Definitely a lands end gift card with an anonymous note saying you want to gift their family with warm coats this winter.
They will feel so loved and cared about and still keep their dignity.
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:11 am
I don't love the idea of doing it anonymously. They might be confused or embarrassed and wondering who sent it. Maybe you can tell them that you know of a way to get them free coats and ask for their sizes. Be vague and let them assume it was extra merchandise hanging around somewhere. Maybe you can work it into the converation, like talking about the weather...brr.. it's so cold out.

Also, it might not be due to poverty. Some people are not that cold and don't feel like a wearing coats or going out to buy a new one or whatever.


Last edited by Simple1 on Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Blue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:12 am
Thanks.
This man lives in Lakewood. im pretty sure he'd want the standard lakewoodtype of coat (wool, not a down parka). Where can I purchase a warm one online?
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amother
Blue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:14 am
amother wrote:
As someone who has been on the receiving end of some amazing chesed and tzedaka I want to say that this is so kind of you. Obviously they have other expenses where the money is going first and this is a way they will be "forced" to use it for coats without feeling guilty because it should have gone 5 other places first. Definitely a lands end gift card with an anonymous note saying you want to gift their family with warm coats this winter.
They will feel so loved and cared about and still keep their dignity.


Thank you for your perspective! That sounds like a nice idea!
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:15 am
Maybe the rabbi of the shul can speak to him and offer him help and say that there is a discretionary fund (the money that you are donating) that can help with coats if necessary but the money is specifically for coats and not for other expenditures). Then work with a frum men's shop so that the money is spent there and the man can pick out a coat.

Maybe the rabbi can find other donors to help the wife and kids.


Last edited by southernbubby on Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:17 am
So maybe do lands end for the wife and kids and call or go into a store in Lakewood that sells the types of coats he wants and buy a gift certificate or store credit. Then send them all together.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:19 am
amother wrote:
Thanks.
This man lives in Lakewood. im pretty sure he'd want the standard lakewoodtype of coat (wool, not a down parka). Where can I purchase a warm one online?

All department stores carry them (men's wool overcoat). Buy a coat online from a place with a good return policy and send it with a gift receipt.


Last edited by ra_mom on Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:20 am; edited 1 time in total
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:19 am
Simple1 wrote:
I don't love the idea of doing it anonymously. They might be confused or embarrassed and wondering who sent it. Maybe you can tell them that you know of a way to get them free coats and ask for their sizes. Be vague and let them assume it was extra merchandise hanging around somewhere. Maybe you can work it into the converation, like talking about the weather...brr.. it's so cold out.

Also, it might not be due to poverty. Some people are not that cold and don't feel like a wearing coats or going out to buy a new one or whatever.


I agree. I wouldn't want them anonymously.

I also agree that not wearing the coast might be due to not feeling the need for one. I used to not wear a coat well into my 30s, and that was wintering in NY.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:19 am
ra_mom wrote:
All department stores carry them. Buy a coat online from a place with a good return policy and send it with a gift receipt.


Thank you everyone!
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:20 am
You're welcome! This is an amazing thing to do. I know how it feels to receive this way and I also know how it feels to receive an anonymous pile of old coats dumped on your doorstep... no comparison...
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 8:21 am
Make sure the gift card they send with the gift receipt says explicitly for the *Smith family so they know it's for them and not a mistake.
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L K




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 9:33 am
I would say call them and say someone is sending you extra coats, is there anything this family could use? If so, what types, sizes? Then go and deliver them personally for he story to hold. If something doesn't fit take it back to exchange and bring a replacement.

Sending anonymously, even if they do need coats, would be embarrassing, as it would mean that it's obvious they're in need.

For smaller items you can say you have coupons to a store that are about to expire, and you've already taken care of your family. Can you get them anything, like gloves, hats etc. it's a shame to lose the coupons, isn't it?you can explain that your coupons aren't transferable and you can use them only with your card or account. It is totally true for things like children's place or old navy cash coupons and repeat client discounts.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 9:45 am
I agree with southernbubby. The give the rabbi the money and he should get it to the family. Any other way might cause embarrassment. People don't want to feel like a nebech case and giving someone money or a gift card, while there are good intentions, is likely embarrassingly for the recipient. Even doing it anonymously will be uncomfortable as it will leave the recipient wondering who is the donor. A shul rabbi has special status and is a better (if not only) person for this job.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 10:06 am
amother wrote:
I agree with southernbubby. The give the rabbi the money and he should get it to the family. Any other way might cause embarrassment. People don't want to feel like a nebech case and giving someone money or a gift card, while there are good intentions, is likely embarrassingly for the recipient. Even doing it anonymously will be uncomfortable as it will leave the recipient wondering who is the donor. A shul rabbi has special status and is a better (if not only) person for this job.


Thanks, amother for agreeing with me! It makes my day Very Happy I have seen rabbonim do this; have a discretionary fund and sometimes the rabbonim approach people with requests to give to this fund in order to give to something specific that is a one time need rather than a continuous need such as for food or medicine.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 11:12 am
amother wrote:
Thanks.
This man lives in Lakewood. im pretty sure he'd want the standard lakewood type of coat (wool, not a down parka). Where can I purchase a warm one online?

Maybe someone can hook them up with 8th street? Maybe the name is Rothschild or rappaport? I dont know the name of it but they give free clothes and I like the idea of gift card maybe like a TD Bank card. Not a card that will lock them in because maybe they need it for electric bills.

Wool coats online can have shatnez so be careful.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 11:39 am
Is would never want to receive anything anonymous. Then I'll be embarrassed from every single person I meet wondering if that person was the anonymous donor. Rather make up a reason...
My husband once did this for someone that needed shoes. He said he has a credit in a shoe store because he once bought shoes and returned it and it didn't fit. He doesn't have what to do with the credit....the credit will get lost. My husband drove him to the shoe store and picked the best shoes for him. My husband spoke to the owner of the store before and made up with him that whatever shoe he shows him will cost certain price. The amount of the credit. And he will pay the rest later. A few friends together donated the money. My husband carried out the mission.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 03 2017, 11:51 am
amother wrote:
Is would never want to receive anything anonymous. Then I'll be embarrassed from every single person I meet wondering if that person was the anonymous donor. Rather make up a reason...
My husband once did this for someone that needed shoes. He said he has a credit in a shoe store because he once bought shoes and returned it and it didn't fit. He doesn't have what to do with the credit....the credit will get lost. My husband drove him to the shoe store and picked the best shoes for him. My husband spoke to the owner of the store before and made up with him that whatever shoe he shows him will cost certain price. The amount of the credit. And he will pay the rest later. A few friends together donated the money. My husband carried out the mission.


I did something like this only I gave the credit directly to the mother. I told her DH bought ridiculously expensive shoes for DC, and I returned them. I let her pick out her own shoes. The credit was around $250.

I don't understand how changing the price works. Can't the recipient just see the prices for him are different? Also, I feel sort of bad for the recipient that so many people know.
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