Changing a negative dynamic

amother

Linen

Mon, Dec 04 2017, 7:09 am

Lately everyones been fighting (kids aged 4-10) being especially chutzpadic and getting physical at times. They were never perfect angels but its especially bad in the last few months. Im not sure why this is the case. Does anyone have any tips? Has anyone done something to change a negative atmosphere into a positive one?

crust

Mon, Dec 04 2017, 8:27 am

amother wrote:

I think your situation is very common amongst growing families but just to make sure- did anything change in your home lately that can explain why the children are more out of hand? A pregnancy birth parnassah stress health etc?
If everything is the same, just know that in the winter months with everyone in the same daled ames (no matter how big your house is) this situation happens much more. Speaking for my own family at least. Wink

Dynamics and atmosphere can't be changed in one big step but rather in mini steps.

In order for any ideas to help it is good to divide the situation. For instance;

1. 10 year old is chutzpahdig
2. 8 year old is chutzpahdig
Add as many pieces as there are.
Then-
Pick one thing to work on. Lets say you choose to work with the 10 year old that is chtzpahdig. Think about his behaviors; are they really deep rooted chutzpah or are they a result of the chaos? (One child screams the bext child screams even louder and so on). I think its usually a result of that. This step is important so you dont approach the child as if said child is a 'davkenyak'.

Then take the 10 year old privately and have a discussion on how much you are sure s/he doesn't want to do this and how much you know s/he wants to change the situatuon. Tell him/her what you think can be done. Together, as a team, work out a chart/reward/whatever will work plan.

The good news is that when you change one small thing, the entire dynamic slowly but automatically starts to shift.