My 4 year old is out of control and I need help

amother

Brunette

Fri, Dec 08 2017, 1:57 pm

Hello all. 4 year old dc is out of control. But only at home. In school, dc is an angel, and listens to morah, and follows directions. A perfect child. At home, dc will think nothing if coloring on the table, going into the bathroom to fill mittens up with water Smile

, taking food whenever dc wants, does not go to sleep nicely. No way I can leave dc alone in room by him/herself. Room will be destroyed. So I lay there and it sometimes takes 2 hours to get dc to bed. Dc is very smart. Has been evaluated. Has no issues anywhere except with me. So, therefore it must be our fault. Fine, I can accept that. DC is the baby of the family. I need to fix this. I need someone to help us. Not a parenting class with a bunch of parents. Someone who can help me specifically with this child. I am in brooklyn. And about to lose my mind. Please. Help me. Dc has us all under control and we can't go on like this

amother

Tan

Fri, Dec 08 2017, 2:10 pm

I strongly recommend DIR/floor time approach of play therapy. One of the main focuses is the parent/child relationship. I wish every parent in the world did this with their kids--it taught me how to parent and taught my child to trust and love me, respect me, self regulate, stay focuses, and express negative emotions appropriately.

amother

Royalblue

Fri, Dec 08 2017, 3:48 pm

amother wrote:

I think Sarah chana Radcliffe is great with this kind of thing. She believes that parents are the boss, not the children.

Is there anyone who doesn't believe that? That's pretty basic...
OP, I also have a 4 year old who's great in school and difficult at home. It's actually very common, they spend all their enery and will power behaving at school and then they just don't have any left when they get home. Some things I've found that helped: have some healthy food ready to go as soon as you get home. Depending on the time, it may even make sense to just give him dinner, even it's a little early. He should have some decompression time- free play, or if you allow TV, this would be a good time to let him get his allotted screen time for the day. I also have a chill out corner (for all my kids, not just the 4 year old) with a bean bag and some fidget things (yup, I do have a kid with ASD and ADHD. Not the 4 year old), and it really helps, especially if they're the sensory type. My 4 year is very sensory and particularly loves squishy things, so laying on the bean bag and squishing the beans really does him calm down.

amother

White

Sat, Dec 09 2017, 8:15 pm

I have a destructive 4 year old too. I found that it helps to take away any possible temptations. The light in his room is disconnected. (been broken since we moved in and didn't brother fixing), no dresser in his room (clothing on a high shelf), crayons and markers kept of of reach, toilet paper kept in high bathroom cabinet, food cabinets locked, etc. There is very little accessible that he can destroy, though he sure is creative sometime. I have a small indoor trampoline which I encourage him to use to release energy and it helps tremendously. As a previous poster said, I also always make sure that he eats and drinks immediately when coming home after a long day. Also, he has recently gotten into books and bh is able to calm himself down while he reads them.