Kid needs speech mother denies???

amother

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 6:17 pm

I have a dear friend whose dd will be 2 at the end of February. The only word the kid says is Dada. I politely suggested to my friend that she should call Y'led V'yalada or challenge to get her daugther theray. My friend began to act irate and got all insulted. I think the kid is really suffering and the mother needs to do something about it. It's her 5th kid so I don't understand how she doesn't notice there's a problem. How can I convince her to get help?

Clarissa

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 6:22 pm

I posted about dealing with this issue. My 16 month old needs speech and other therapy, and I'm having him evaluated for delays. I'm just the opposite of your friend -- I'm anxious to get him services, because early intervention can make such a difference in children with delays. The process is so anxiety-provoking and it's making us cry plenty, but we want him to have every chance.

I imagine your friend is so busy and doesn't want to face the fact that one of her children might need extra help. Maybe she's in denial about the problem, maybe she can't imagine going through all the extra effort of therapy sessions, maybe she's hoping it'll resolve itself. Who knows. But at this point I'm surprised her pediatrician hasn't said anything, as usually by 18 months they'll suggest an evaluation.

If she got very upset I'd drop it but maybe figure out a way to tell her that her child might be frustrated that she's unable to express herself verbally, and services are available. Also, try to let her know that many, many people avail themselves of these services.

NotInNJMommy

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 6:26 pm

Maybe apologize for diagnosing her daughter, and just say that it may be helpful to get her evaluated by the people who are experts in this. There are ways to do that for free often times...or low cost. (If you can get her phone numbers, etc that might help too) And that she should definately consult her pediatrician as well. If speech therapy would help, it could make things so much better for everyone esp. dd--and maybe it would only take a few months to break a barrier. If it's not the issue, wouldn't it be better to know for sure?

amother

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 6:46 pm

You're right. You don't understand.

I seriously doubt that Mom doesn't see a problem. She's in denial. She's telling herself that her daughter is just a little bit behind, but that's really because her siblings and her parents are so attentive to her needs that she really doesn't *need* to say anything. She's telling herself that her daughter is hitting every other milestone, she's obviously OK even if she's a bit behind in speech. She's telling herself that Albert Einstein didn't talk until he was 3. (That's not true, by the way, but it is a popular urban myth.) She's listening to every story about a kid who spoke late, then suddenly began speaking in whole sentences, and telling herself there's no need for concern.

In private moments, though, she's scared to death. What if it's not just a little speech delay? What if her daughter is autistic? Or seriously impaired? Or has a hearing impairment? This is scary, scary stuff. It takes a long time for some people to face it. Some never do. I know of more marriages that have broken up over these issues than over anything else, including money.

As someone else notes, at least in the US, a pediatrician will usually make a recommendation for the child to be evaluated through the Early Intervention Program ("EI") no later than 18 months. It's free, and it's an amazing program. If therapy is needed, it is provided free of charge until age 3 (at age 3, the local school district takes over for EI). Often, the therapist is able to come to the child's home.

As a friend, perhaps you could casually refer to kids you know who have gone through EI and are doing well. Or mention how much young kids love speech therapy -- I've even heard of sibs being upset that they can't get in on the fun. Not hitting her over the head or telling her that her kid needs help. More like *I just ran into Miriam today. Remember her little Rafi? You wouldn't believe! He was chatting away so much that we could barely get any words in edgewise. It's hard to believe that he didn't talk until he was 2. Miriam just loves his speech therapist.* And just be there for her when she is ready to stop denying.

mimivan

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 7:03 pm

I went through this. I live in E.Y and I was very worried about my son's speech delay. He was aggressive because he couldn't speak properly, but they told me there was nothing they could do until 3 (everything here is govt funded, and I think that is the real reason, but they were telling me the child development experts don't worry about speech delays till 3)

What can I say? I don't know whether it is really true that speech delays under three are not a problem, but they certainly can be fixed at 3. My son is in a special gan and he is nearly four. B'h he started out a year behind in his speech and now is almost completely normal for his age.

I don't know why your friend is so defensive. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Perhaps she could afford a private evaluation if her insurance doesn't cover it. I wish I had done something at 2 and not listened to the so-called "experts" who told me not to worry until 3.

amother

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 7:30 pm

my daughter is 19mths k'ah and doesn't say any real words functionally. my pediatrician has told me that he thinks she's on the austism spectrum. I went home and cried for two days. I made an appointment to see a child psychologist for a behavioural assessment. im petrified. in someways I look at her and do see autistic tendencies - she doens't look at faces much, she likes to play herself, she doesn't talk. yet there are many times when she'll respond or react and look and take part in activities.
im still terrified that I will have a child with autism.

I am willing to go to whatever therapy she needs. my problem right now is that I don't know if it is autism.

if CH"V it is autism I don't want to call it that. not becasue im afraid of it - but when you say autism it closes alot of doors. who knows with loads of therapy maybe a child with autism can get married one day etc.

but to say that one has autism will rule out the chance of them getting married.

this is what's going through my head. my world is crumbling around me as I consider all this nad sitll have to wait one more week for the assessment. to all the mothers who are waiting for therapy, assessments, diagnoses I FEEL FOR YOU!
it is hell to sit and wait for all this and look at my precious baby and think - is it autism or is it just a speech delay?

pray for my darling daughter...

BrachaVHatzlocha

Mon, Oct 22 2007, 7:30 pm

as a teacher/special ed therapist, I can say it's very normal OF THE MOTHER to be in denial. there have been quite a few kids in classes I've worked in, and I've told the teacher the kid needs therapy and she's like, "yes, but the mother refuses...."
I'm not saying this kid does need - but if at 20 months he really only says 1 word, chances are he does. I can only say not to nudge her, but encourage her based on things you've read. And yes, it's completely free to have an evaluation here in NY. Tell her she has nothing to lose.
Hatzlocha and I hope you succeed. Just keep in mind, it's up to the mother and if you can't get anywhere, hopefully when the kid goes to school others will succeed in convincing her.

btMOMtoFFBs

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 3:03 am

To the amother worried about her daughter - My DS, now 5, had those same symptoms as your DD and was placed on the spectrum with a mild diagnosis of PDDNOS at age 4. Today, one year later, he is a different person. He speaks to others voluntarily, he plays with his peers in school, he is loving and runs to give hugs and kisses, he is much more agreeable when asked to do something. Things that didn't happen at ages 2-4. I thank H' every day for the progress he has made. He is still working on eye contact, but its coming along nicely.

DO not be afraid of an autism diagnosis. That diagnosis is the key to many beneficial services that can really turn your child's life around. Use the word "autism" to get as many services as you can from the city or county you live in. It's your pass to professional evaluations and therapies.

I never shared my DS's actual diagnosis with my son's yeshiva b/c I didn't want him to have a label which would follow him through the school, but the nursery morahs know he gets speech and other therapies and that is a normal thing for many preschoolers. They don't have to know all the details of his diagnosis - that is private.

As for your DD, she's not getting married at age 2 so don't worry about her marriage prospects now. Just worry about getting her the therapies she needs now, at a young age, when its most beneficial. By the time she's ready for shidduchim, this could all be but a distant memory.

Hatzlacha and all the best! Pls. PM me if you need any more chizuk!

amother

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 3:14 am

Also, my DS barely said anything until the age of 2. We got him evaluated, and they said he was fine, just a little behind in speech. Now he's three and still has some speech problems, but B"H he has a large vocabulary and definately doesn't have any form of Autism, as he has much better social skills than most kids his age. (I myself am on the spectrum, and therefore was concerned about this. And of course, I'm married Smile

)

HindaRochel

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 4:08 am

A lot of childrern don't speak until 3. We had my son tested for hearing problems spoke to a speech therapist adn she said as long as he understood what we wanted from him to lay off till he was three. If he still didn't speak by three then come back.

He is today very intelligent and outgoing.

The child isn't even two. Many kids aren't speaking at two...it isn't that abnormal.

If he were three and not talking at all I would worry. If he doesn't look at people, or displays rhytmic behavior all the time, or other signs of autism, then I would worry.

Not speaking and not yet two? I don't think it is a big issue.

How old were the others when they spoke? The parents? The parents siblings?

greentiger

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 4:25 am

HindaRochel wrote:

But you DID get him tested. If there is a hearing problem, 3 could possibly be too late to pick it up. I have a friend who finally agreed to check her son's speech delay at 3, and found that it was a hearing problem that was easily taken care of. This poor kid missed out on important stages in his development, just because the parents were slow to check it out.

Raisin

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 4:31 am

My 3rd son was really slow talking, before he started kindergarten. I took him to be evaluated and he had speech therapy sessions.

Looking back I don't think he needed them. As soon as he started kg his speech really picked up. Now he is the top of his class, very articulate and bright.

I was wondering if the fact that most frum families do not have tv makes their kids less verbal when younger, compared to the general population?

HindaRochel

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 4:57 am

Quote:

Yes, but he was over two. This child isn't yet two. This child isn't two till February.
Amother, if the child responds to sounds and commands, and can communicate then chances are everything is fine. I wouldn't worry about not speaking before two. After two if she still hasn't spoken then maybe have her hearing tested...

But how does amother know the child only says DA the child may be saying other things and amother isn't around to hear.

amother

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 5:23 am

There is a big difference between "speech" and "language". Of more concern than the number of words at a given age, are some of the other issues brought up here: eye contact, turn taking, following simple directions, responding to name etc.
Though I'm all for Early Intervention, I think we give it out very quickly these days, to any child who is achieving milestones at a below average rate. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them, just not every child can statistically be in the top 50%.
So, not knowing this child, I have no advice for OP or the mother. But some kids left to their own devices will do just fine. And those that don't will eventually come into "the system" when the time is right.

gryp

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 7:13 am

My 2 year old barely talked, except for one word answers and used the same words again and again.
At 3 he started school and began talking in paragraphs. His speech wasn't very clear but those of us always around him understood him most of the time.
They wanted me to sign him up for speech, I told them I don't think it's necessary. I was working with him on it at home, and there was still plenty of time to catch up.
The lady who wanted to sign me up for therapy had the nerve to tell me that she's writing on the form: "Mother refusing therapy." I asked her why on earth is she making me look like a neglecting mother and she tells me, "well, I have to write something on that line." Rolling Eyes

I told her she can just put down "therapy not necessary."
At 4 he talks like any other kid. He has some trouble with "L," "Th," and "R," but we practice.