Any advice? | Imamother

flowerpower

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 9:17 pm

My son is 3. He doesn't open his mouth in cheder. He spoke last year in playgroup, he speaks wherever he is, just in cheder he won't tell the teacher or another boy one single word. I thought by now he would he comfortable enough to speak. He has a small class. So that isn't overwhelming for him. He loves to go. I worked with selective mute kids in the past. I gave the school tips. Those didn't work. Any advice????

amother

Black

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 10:49 pm

you might know this or done these but this worked for me with my dd
make sure the teacher doesn-t rely on the other boys to talk for him
invite diffrent boys to your house a few times. even if they wont talk, dont give up invite and try again ,try boys who are not to loud or too quiet first time be involved second time let them play on there own.
a game is good to play with son and friend where the have to whisper one word. like bingo and the boy has to remember whisper a silly word befor he picks a card
see if he's willing to talk to other boys over the phone or even the teacher
Send him to school with full size bags of nosh tell him to share with the other boys. since they are young try healthy nosh tea biskets, colored cherrios, snackers, pretzles
He shouldnt be center of attention and forced to speak but he could be teachers helper. jobs to give out plates at lunch pick a book to read made to feel special

edited it to make it clearer

amother

Copper

Sun, Dec 10 2017, 11:07 pm

My child was like this.

Some things we found helped:
Never put child on the spot. No asking direct questions and insisting that s/he answer. Instead of asking which color child wants, they would put the color options out in front of child and let him/her choose one. Etc.
Don't ask the child's peers to take his/her place answering for child.
Being funny/silly goes a long way! Encourage teacher to use this one. It helped us a lot!
Always warn child when there will be changes in school.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 9:24 am

My daughter is like this. She is very shy outside of our home unless she feels comfortable. She gets overwhelmed by people very easily and goes mute. She loves her little preschool program but she won't talk to the teachers. She does talk to the other kids though. Our pediatrician said not to worry at this point as long as she does show signs of speaking outside the house once she warms up to the people/place. It may be excessive shyness rather than select mutism.

I'm assuming this is your son's first year in cheder. Maybe the program is too rigid for him at this point? Has he ever been in school before? How does he do with the other children during free play? Does he know any of the other boys from before? If not, maybe make some opportunities for him to get to know one or two boys in the comfort of his own space at home. Also, this works for my daughter and may be worth trying for your son; she loves being a little helper. Maybe ask the rebbe to enlist him as a helper in school to do things that don't require talking like handing out papers or whatever. He might feel more comfortable if he has a role/job in the classroom.

amother

Plum

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 9:38 am

My daughter didn’t talk in school till December. My son didn’t talk to the boys in his nursery class till Pesach. He did talk to the teacher though. Pressuring him did not help. They r both more than talkative in school now. Give it some more time.

flowerpower

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:22 am

Thank you for the responses. I will just let it ride. The teacher said she does not pressure him. He loves cheder and plays beautifully with the others( without opening his mouth). I see now that it's not uncommon in little kids.