Just a vent, I think

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:48 am

amother wrote:

I don’t remember mentioning we don’t agree on lifestyle. Where did I say that?...

You agreed at 9:10 to my statement re lifestyle.

Anyway - you earlier stated you had “Enough that we can buy whatever we need, plus luxuries plus savings”

Seems like this isn’t the case. Perhaps you have a misunderstanding about just how much life costs?

33055

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:50 am

amother wrote:

You have to explain that if you don't know about a check he's written (which you can't see on your statement before it's been cashed) then you don't know how much you have.

Also, how much cash are you spending? Presumably the tutor and cleaning lady are regular monthly expenses. Take out that much at the beginning of each month. Now, how much cash do you need beyond that? In a world of credit cards, you certainly don't need $100 dollars a day. Where is that going?

You don't need to go to a coffee shop with notebooks. You need to check your bank balance on line every few days. And you need to get a therapist to talk to him about his secretive attitude to money.

What are you spending more than $25,000 cash on a year? This is beyond tutor and cleanng lady? $100 a day cash is a lot.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:52 am

amother wrote:

At 9:10 I agreed that it’s a bad idea for one spouse to completely control the finances. And for one spouse just to spend. I didnt say anything about disagreeing on lifestyle choices.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:53 am

Squishy wrote:

What are you spending more than $25,000 cash on a year? This is beyond tutor and cleanng lady? $100 a day cash is a lot.

I don’t think I spend $100 a day. But I will work hard on tracking money this month, so I can see exactly what I spend.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:56 am

dancingqueen wrote:

It sounds like maybe you are spending more than you can afford. Are the bank statements printed out or online? They are not hard to understand they say how much money is going in and out and where it’s going. If you don’t understand it ask him to sit down with you and go over it.

So I just asked him. He said it depends on the month. He said some months we spend more then we earn and some months less then we earn. This past month, he actually said that we spent 18,000 and made 23,000. So I guess that’s good news.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 10:59 am

amother wrote:

At 9:10 I agreed that it’s a bad idea for one spouse to completely control the finances. And for one spouse just to spend. I didnt say anything about disagreeing on lifestyle choices.

Ok. You are also now painting a different picture of the issue. Initially it seemed to be ‘we have lots of money, but DH hates that I spend it’ now it seems to be ‘why can’t we save money, all of our spending is reasonable (or mine is, I’m in the dark on DHs spending)

amother

Orange

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:00 am

It’s important that you understand the finances and how they work, what bills need to be paid and how.
If something, CVS, should happen to your husband then what.
Unfortunately I’ve seen this happen before.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:01 am

amother wrote:

Out of curiosity - does your income tax bill come into the equation here?

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:26 am

amother wrote:

I think you’re right. I think I was having a hard time pinpointing the issue, but I think that’s what it is. Yesterday, we went through a bunch of expenses. We went through set expenses and came up with about $8000. Then we added in food, clothing, tutors, etc.... and we rounded it up to $12,500. Which should leave us saving between $8,000 and $15,000 a month. So why aren’t we?????!!!!! I think that’s what’s driving me crazy. And then DH is always yelling at me for spending. I can’t figure out what’s going on!!!

doctorima

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:28 am

This won't solve your underlying problem, but $900 a month for car insurance sounds really, really high! Unless you both drive Ferraris or have DWIs on your record, you should shop around and save a ton of money. We have 2 cars and pay far less than half of that. I would also make a priority of getting rid of your debt - $2000 a month is a lot, and is a sign of somebody who hasn't been fiscally responsible.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:29 am

amother wrote:

Out of curiosity - does your income tax bill come into the equation here?

He makes about 250,000-300,000 a year. I think we pay about 70,000 in taxes.

33055

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:29 am

amother wrote:

I don’t think I spend $100 a day. But I will work hard on tracking money this month, so I can see exactly what I spend.

You said you go through $200 cash in 2 days. If this is correct, you need to figure out what can be cut.

I recommend Mesila for Jewish budget planning.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:32 am

doctorima wrote:

Nope. I drive a beat up car that’s 6 years old. He drives a $40,000 car. But maybe I’m making a mistake on that number. I don’t know that we were fiscally irresponsible. But dh is a risk taker. There’s a reason he is making the amount of money he makes, and is hopefully on a track to keep making more. But it comes with taking risks and starting a business can put you in a lot of debt.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:33 am

Squishy wrote:

You said you go through $200 cash in 2 days. If this is correct, you need to figure out what can be cut.

I recommend Mesila for Jewish budget planning.

I don’t think I said that. Where did I say that?

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:34 am

amother wrote:

????? You are either spending more than you are accounting for, or are bringing in less that you think you are. This isn’t rocket science.

If your goal is to save, and DH brings in sufficient income to do so, yet you aren’t - are you truly upset that DH has told you to stop spending?

amother

Cyan

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

He is bringing in the amount I said he is. And somebody is spending the rest of it. But it’s not me!!! And we bh do put away savings each month. But it should be a lot more then we do.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:51 am

amother wrote:

He is bringing in the amount I said he is. And somebody is spending the rest of it. But it’s not me!!! And we bh do put away savings each month. But it should be a lot more then we do.

Ok. So what the real issue is:

DH spends money on nonsense. (And yells when I do).

amother

Green

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:54 am

My parents see a financial consultant who is also a trained mediator and couples therapist on a weekly basis and discuss everything with him, there, at the session.

33055

Mon, Dec 11 2017, 11:54 am

amother wrote:

I don’t think I said that. Where did I say that?

You said it right here:

amother wrote:

I already use a credit card for most things. But I can’t pay the tutor or the cleaning lady with a credit card. I need to get cash for myself, because if I ask him he’ll give me max $200 which runs out in 2 days. I NEVER write out big checks without his approval. He on the other hand once bought a house without telling me. True story!!! (The House was only $30,000 but still...)

You really should just look at Mesila's work book.