Best way to handle this

amother

Wine

Tue, Dec 12 2017, 7:49 am

DS6 threw his knapsack in the garbage. He threw it in the outdoor can and we didn't know until after sanitation came and went, so it's gone. First he lied (said he had no idea what happened to it) then told an outlandish story (robbers broke into the house and stole it). Last night he came clean and said he threw it in the outdoor garbage so that it would get taken away because he hated it. The knapsack had his homework folders and several workbooks in it, all of which will have to be replaced. Plus, he obviously needs a new knapsack. He is definitely contrite and realizes that he acted impulsively rather than, say, telling me he didn't like it and asking for a new one. Or at least emptying it out before tossing it.

Now, I'm torn on how to handle it. I have no problem swallowing the cost of the lost books and school supplies. It's not that much and kids do lose and damage supplies and I'm not going to ask him to pay for what he needs for his education (even though it's his fault these things need to be replaced). But the issue is the knapsack. I have other bag around the house that can be used. I could order him a plain, cheap knapsack as a replacement. But the whole reason this happened is because he didn't like the one he had. What if he goes and does it again? But I also don't want to reward bad behavior by getting what he wants when he went about it by throwing his stuff in the garbage. Also, the knapsack he wants is about ten dollars more than the bag I would get if I were to get him a new one. Should I ask him to pay the cost of a new bag? Or pay the extra ten dollars? Or make him use one of the bags we already have lying around?

imasinger

Tue, Dec 12 2017, 8:17 am

If I were in your shoes, I'd give him an old one you have in the house for now.

And the opportunity to earn the one he wants, through chores and good behavior.

Give him a chart, so he can see how he is reaching his goal.

Offer a few one-pointer jobs that are easy and he usually does anyway, so even on a bad day, he sees progress. And then some areas of challenge, worth more points.

Make it possible for him to reach the reward in 2-4 weeks if he works at it.

amother

Wine

Tue, Dec 12 2017, 8:53 am

Thanks. That sounds reasonable to make him earn it but not in a way that takes too long. He does have some money. He has a couple of dollars from the tooth fairy, he'll be getting some Chanukah gelt from some relatives, and we do give him a very small allowance, so he understands the concept of saving (he's saved about 80% of the post-tzedaka allowance money he's gotten since we started a few months ago). He definitely has enough money that he could pay the $10 difference and he could pay for the whole bag and still have left over if he saves his Chanukkah gelt.