Help me get off my phone!!!

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Dec 19 2017, 10:58 pm

For a few years already I've been using my phone as an outlet and to de stress. When I don't have enough patience taking care of my kids or cleaning up or doing laundry etc. I'll just take out my phone... news, ima mother, betweencarpools etc are all great distractions from the things I SHOULD be doing. And I want to stop. I want to be a good mommy who will pay full attention to my child without a phone at the same time - but it's so so hard!! Tips and advice from anyone who stopped or slowed down their phone usage would be greatly appreciated!

amother

Lime

Tue, Dec 19 2017, 11:51 pm

amother wrote:

Start small. Do NOT beat yourself up!! You can't go from all to nothing cuz you'll end up collapsing from stress-->going back on phone-->feeling bad that your a terrible mother. Rinse, repeat, etc.

Don't say every night I won't be on phone. Start with 15 minutes 1 night. Seriously. You feel like playing a game, checking news or Ima and then say I'll do it after 15 minutes of dishes or talking to kids or putting in a load of laundry, etc.

The problem is if you hate yourself when you are on your phone all night and don't stick to your goals. You're human. It's hard. People slip up. It's no use to get down about your impulse control. Just keep going. Don't get into a spiral where you think, "well I didn't do it last night, so I'm not going to be able to do it tonight." Every day start fresh.

It's so rewarding. And you'll mess up. But start with one thing. One night.

weasley

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 6:05 am

Would you be able to get a different device so you have one with all the stuff you use as a let out (social media etc) and one with just phone and text. Keep the one with phone and text on you always and have the other one for only when the kids are in bed, school etc... or something along those lines?

I'm thinking of doing this as I feel although I'm not on my phone a crazy amount or reliant on it, it definitely is taking away time I would be spending with my kids and I don't want that....

crust

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 8:44 am

amother wrote:

I specified that this is an escape and outlet - I can't just dump it! I need help doing this gradually!

I'm sorry I wrote dump it and forgot to add this Wink

or this

.
If dumping would be the solution then I'd be all for it.

My advice really is to install the app.

I second what Weasley said about having a phone with talk and text only and a different device that doesn't come along with you all the time.

BH5745

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 11:26 am

Instead of focusing on what you don't want (being on the phone), focus on what you do want! That makes it so much easier. What do you like to do that you can do with or even just being near your kids? When I'm burnt out I'm not always up for entertaining. While my kids play, color, build with clay, run around or eat, I do something enjoyable in the same room with them, but that's not directly giving them attention. While I am always there for them, kids should not have the idea that our job is to entertain them constantly, and neither should they think that our world revolves around keeping them satisfied. You can try doing things like reading stories about Tzaddikim, cook books, rest for a few minutes, make cookies with your kids, style your sheitel, catch up on sewing or crafts, making lists (shopping, meal plans, to do...), make up stories to tell your kids and etc. Surely there must be something besides the phone that you enjoy! The outlet should be fun for you and set a positive example for your kids.

BH5745

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 11:30 am

I also want to add that you can print out stuff to read which is interesting for you (news stories, academic articles, brush up vocabulary and grammar charts of any foreign language you know, how-to and do it yourself guides, basically any info on any topic you want to know more about) and bring these papers in your bag wherever you go. This way you ease into more time away from the phone and have something interesting to read without being on the phone infront of your kids.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 12:23 pm

Why is reading or any other outlet better than my phone? If I can read papers I can be on my phone. I feel like for the few hours my kids are around I should be busy with them not me or my outlets - but that's my difficulty. I have no problem putting down my phone to read or bake but feel I shouldn't be doing that... and going 100% to kids is my difficulty

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 1:07 pm

crust wrote:

I'm sorry I wrote dump it and forgot to add this Wink

or this

I like the idea of two separate things - phone plus tablet. But what would stop me from going to the tablet when my kids are around? I dont have my phone for the phone feature!

Aylat

Fri, Dec 22 2017, 4:39 am

amother wrote:

I don't think it's realistic or necessary to he 100% with kids, even for those few hours they are home in afternoon. Being present and mostly available is important.

Warm greeting and opening to chat when they arrive. Responsive to their approaches: look what I've made, I'm stuck and frustrated, stories about their day. Initiate positive interactions: you are so creative with that lego, what do you think of that book. And hanging out in their general vicinity while they are busy with their activities and you with yours, whether that is reading ima or a book, crafting or doing housework. And it's also okay to take some time out for yourself (assuming your kids are old enough to play for 15 mins unsupervised) and chill in your room for a bit.

IMHO.

weasley

Fri, Dec 22 2017, 5:15 am

amother wrote:

I like the idea of two separate things - phone plus tablet. But what would stop me from going to the tablet when my kids are around? I dont have my phone for the phone feature!

Keep the tablet somewhere where you won't just reach for it easily. So if you spend most of your day downstairs with the kids keep it upstairs in a bedroom cupboard. But probably more important to help you keep to it is that you need to want this and be aware of the struggle it probably will be at first to maintain the time spent away from it. And know that when times come and the kids are playing nicely and you want to 'get away' with your tablet you can be aware of these pitfall times and find something else to do to stop you going upstairs to it!

FranticFrummie

Fri, Dec 22 2017, 5:40 am

Instead of focusing on the phone, ask yourself why you're feeling like you need to escape when your kids are around.

Are you kids challenging? Would you benefit from parenting classes? Are you overwhelmed?

What is on your phone that could possibly be better than your delicious, funny, adorable kids? One day, your kids are going to be sulky teenagers, and then before you know it, they'll be out of the house. Your phone will always be there, but your kids are growing fast, so cherish every moment you can!