Girls/Women lighting Chanukah candles

Mothers

Tue, Dec 19 2017, 11:27 pm

My DD lights Chanukah candles (as did I and my sister until we got married), but she says she is the only one of her friends who does so. (FWIW we are Yeshivish.) I’m wondering how common it is for girls/women to light.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Dec 19 2017, 11:48 pm

My family is pretty yeshievish and my sisters and I lit until we got married. Doing the same with my 6yo daughter be"H.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 1:37 am

By chassidish, did you also mean chabad? Because most 'regular' chassidish girls dont light, but chabad does, I think.

Iymnok

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 1:44 am

Ner ish ibeiso.
Dh lights. So did my 6yo ds and 7yo DD. DD9 didn't want, saying she's too old. Her choice. We don't have the space for more than 3 right now anyway.
Ds3 lit only last night in the kitchen.
My mother is visiting us now. She is 10 hours ahead of my father. Dh asked, she is still yotzei through him. She had in mind to be yotzei with Dh when she was here for lighting.

essie14

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 1:45 am

I grew up modern yeshivish, all the females in my family always lit and now I still light and my daughters do, as well. We are dati leumi.

chanchy123

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 2:03 am

Ner ish uveito. All unmarried kids light on their own. Married couples light only one menorah, it doesn't matter which one of them lights.
We are DL I didn't post

amother

Purple

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 2:05 am

Growing up me and all my sister lit, but as we got older is was just less exciting. We felt like little kids, and were too lazy to actually light...I stopped at 12/13, my other stopped at 9. My mom stopped also when we stopped really, life got too busy for her.

We are chareidi.
I will definitely promote it with my kids, even the girls, because I think it's really a positive and powerful experience. If they choose to give it up, than it's ok.

amother

Linen

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 2:20 am

The two main opinions are that one person lights for the entire family, or that everyone lights separately (though husband and wife count as one unit). The idea of having only the boys light, or of girls dropping out after a certain age is sociological, not halachic.

Women are as obligated as men in ner channukah, and everyone holds that a woman can be motzi a man. (For example, if he's unable to light, or just coming home from work after the zman, the ideal would be for the wife to light with a bracha for her husband. He can light without a bracha later, but she's been motzi him.) As always, ask your local Orthodox rabbi. Just know that "it's not done" isn't the same as "it's the halacha."

rivkam

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 2:40 am

A new category of 'no I'm separdi' needs to be added. I really don't know sephardi woman who light, chareidi or otherwise unless there isn't a man to light for the household like a divorcee.

amother

Linen

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 3:08 am

rivkam wrote:

A new category of 'no I'm separdi' needs to be added. I really don't know sephardi woman who light, chareidi or otherwise unless there isn't a man to light for the household like a divorcee.

Right, Sefardim generally hold only one person lights for an entire household. So no boys OR girls light because it's just one menorah for the house. You will have boys in yeshiva who don't light because their father lights for the family at home.

seeker

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 3:19 am

Pretty much everyone I know the whole family lights, but my impression is that it's really not about halacha. They just all want to be in on the experience.

Also, the question lumps together and/or but I think most families I know the daughters light their own for the above reason, but only one parent lights (I.e. generally one menorah per married couple)

chanchy123

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 4:12 am

rivkam wrote:

A new category of 'no I'm separdi' needs to be added. I really don't know sephardi woman who light, chareidi or otherwise unless there isn't a man to light for the household like a divorcee.

According to Shephardi psika is there in only one menorah per home. Nothing to do with men or women. Boys don't light either.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 4:18 am

IM MO and have always lit my own chanukiya and even since Ive been married I have as well. Each person, as soon as they are able to light, with help at first, lights their own. My daughter started lighting when she was 3 and will just continue lighting.
I never understood the no girls lighting or the wife not lighting, but thats just not my way.

amother

Puce

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 5:16 am

Chassidish. I lit until the age of bas mitzvah but all my sister's in law lit until they got married so my daughter's bez'h will do the same.

chanchy123

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 5:23 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

It's not the wife but lighting. Rather husband and wife are considered one unit - it doesn't matter which one of them lights. Some people light on alternate nights. I've seen a video of a prominent rabbi alternating candles on the same night with his wife. If the wife lights when the husband is out he does not light again because the unit has lit.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 5:26 am

chanchy123 wrote:

I get that that is a shita, but thats just not how we ever held growing up or what we do now.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 20 2017, 5:42 am

At mypants wearing relatives, women only do if the man is not there or not knowledgeable.

I would be ok lighting per se. No hard feelings like a havdallah. But I have no interest or desire to prove I do more than even my chasidishe ancestors.