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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
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amother
Saddlebrown
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 Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:09 pm
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I must be living in my own lpersonal lala land. DH and I both work and bust our chops off, and I thought we made a decent income.....until I decided to check out pesach programs. I legitimately wanted to go. After the death of a close family member, I need to escape reality. So I checked out some programs, and basically it's approximately between 2500 to 3000 per person. I am in shock. Unless people are just swiping their cc with no intention of paying, how do people, who are responsible do this? If someone is paying for them, how do those people do it? It has made me so sad today thinking that there is no way on this planet I can justify doing this. A family of 7 is between 16,500 and 20,000 dollars. For 9 days. All I can say is what am I doing wrong? These places are packed with people. I don't even know what to say...
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tichellady
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:19 pm
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Maybe you can hire takeout and cleaning help instead. Not the same, but much cheaper, and in some ways nicer to be in your own space.
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pesek zman
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:21 pm
Not everyone is a family of 7, for one thing
Many families have a grandparent or parent paying or subsidizing for the family
For many people it's their only vacation all year, and one they decide is worth saving for
But it is extremely expensive, I agree with you that it is a luxury
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tichellady
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:22 pm
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Also can you and your husband go on a vacation? A pesach program is not really a vacation. You have to socialize and be in the right place at the right time wearing appropriate clothing. Can you go somewhere for a few days where you can really relax and unwind? It will be a lot cheaper than $20k and might accomplish more
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amother
Wheat
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:31 pm
| amother wrote: | | I must be living in my own lpersonal lala land. DH and I both work and bust our chops off, and I thought we made a decent income.....until I decided to check out pesach programs. I legitimately wanted to go. After the death of a close family member, I need to escape reality. So I checked out some programs, and basically it's approximately between 2500 to 3000 per person. I am in shock. Unless people are just swiping their cc with no intention of paying, how do people, who are responsible do this? If someone is paying for them, how do those people do it? It has made me so sad today thinking that there is no way on this planet I can justify doing this. A family of 7 is between 16,500 and 20,000 dollars. For 9 days. All I can say is what am I doing wrong? These places are packed with people. I don't even know what to say... |
Most people who can afford these things aren’t doing it from paycheques.
Businesses, investment income, other peoples money...
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:36 pm
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I wanted to be away. The thought of being at the seder without that missing family member is very painful.
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mommy3b2c
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:37 pm
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If you are always saving you can take out the $20,000 from your savings account. It’s not such a crazy amount of money....
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:45 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | | If you are always saving you can take out the $20,000 from your savings account. It’s not such a crazy amount of money.... |
I know I can, but it feels like such an irresponsible thing to do, thinking about how much good use it could be used for. Tution, camp. mortgage. so much more. My conscious would never ever stop bothering me.
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pesek zman
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:52 pm
| amother wrote: | | I know I can, but it feels like such an irresponsible thing to do, thinking about how much good use it could be used for. Tution, camp. mortgage. so much more. My conscious would never ever stop bothering me. |
Truth is if people can afford it, it's fabulous. I always say that it's not a weeks vacation: it's a Month. The entire month before when everyone else will be cleaning and preparing, you'll be sitting pretty. That said, going away isn't for everyone. Some people prefer their own home, their own recipes, their own schedule. But if you lost someone close to you, self care is important too. It may be the year to be kind to yourself and take your family away. If you have the money, you may choose to prioritize it. Also, people on a budget just pile all their kids in one room (or smaller families get only one room) and are able to save a good amount. You don't spend just much time in the room anyway. If you don't have the money, you (or anyone) should never go into debt
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amother
Teal
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:57 pm
| amother wrote: | | I know I can, but it feels like such an irresponsible thing to do, thinking about how much good use it could be used for. Tution, camp. mortgage. so much more. My conscious would never ever stop bothering me. |
The same could be said about many things people spend money on. To each their own.
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amother
Black
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 2:59 pm
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We went when I was young. My mother ran the day care program with my sister and my brothers were mashgiachim. I had a great time but I don't know if my siblings who were working agree. I'd have to check with them.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:00 pm
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I don't know many people who pluck down 20 grand just like that. For most people, it isn't pocket change. Id have to think long and hard to do that. It takes most people a long time to save that kind of money.
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JoyInTheMorning
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:02 pm
I'm with you, amother saddlebrown. 20K is a lot of money. We earn what seems like a lot, but we have a lot of expenses (mortgage, tuition, medical), and as it is cannot afford camp, and don't save enough for retirement. IMO, 20K, if you have it, is much better spent as an investment in your children or in your 401K. (But see my disclaimer at the end of this post.)
I think the people who can afford to do it are those where there are two high-wage earners, and one earns enough to support the family's basic needs (mortgage, tuition, camp, retirement savings, etc.), so that the other's income can be used for extras like vacations, Pesach hotels, house renovations, etc. Well, that is not our life, and I have come to terms with it. I know that we are very fortunate, just not as fortunate as some others.
With regard to your particular situation about the Sedarim, I would suggest several possibilities:
1. Invite a new group of people to your home for the Sedarim -- ideally two different groups of people, one for each night -- so that it's not that painful a comparison to what was last year. You might have to be creative about repurposing rooms, putting tables together, etc.
2. See if there's a Chabad or other shul in your neighborhood that has group Sedarim, and go to that.
3. Find a hotel that will let you come for 3 .5 days (Friday, Shabbos, and the first two days of Pesach), assuming that this will cost roughly half of what the usual price is. $10K is more reasonable than $20K.
ETA the promised disclaimer: I can imagine, lo aleinu, losses that are so traumatic that staying home is a mental and emotional strain that can't be borne. In that case, 20K is worth it to stay healthy.
Last edited by JoyInTheMorning on Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
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thunderstorm
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:03 pm
The only people that I actually know that went to these programs were either:
Business owners who were doing well financially
Or staff for the program, example: chef, musician, mashgiach, EMT etc
Or single moms that had a chesed program assist them funding the Yom Tov .
To some people $20k is worth not having the headache of working so hard for weeks before and the financial cost of Pesach itself (people spend thousands just staying home) so they don't view it as a massive expense but rather an additional expense to makinf pesach at home but without the hassle and stress.
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amother
Wheat
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:05 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | | If you are always saving you can take out the $20,000 from your savings account. It’s not such a crazy amount of money.... |
That really depends on a lot of factors. Not everyone can afford to take from savings money for luxuries. Savings are for simchas, emergencies, retirement for many people.
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LittleMissMama
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:08 pm
I think it's often wealthy grandparents who are paying, partly to just spend down their assets as they age.
Don't be foolish everyone, most people don't spend the $20K because they're allocating it elsewhere; they simply don't have $20K left over after other expenses.
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amother
Ginger
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:13 pm
we went to pesachforless. It's called that for a reason  but it was very nice. We only had one kid when we went so so it wasn't even close to 20,000....
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cm
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:13 pm
Some people are wealthy.
Some people work at the Pesach program.
Some people only go for a few days.
Many people don't go.
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mommy3b2c
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:15 pm
| amother wrote: | | I know I can, but it feels like such an irresponsible thing to do, thinking about how much good use it could be used for. Tution, camp. mortgage. so much more. My conscious would never ever stop bothering me. |
I don’t do it either, but different people have different priorities.
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little neshamala
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Mon, Dec 25 2017, 3:37 pm
Not everyone who goes is either rich or irresponsibly swiping. I know someone who cuts back on debatable necessities and puts the money away for crazy splurging like pesach hotels.
She cleans the house with her husband and kids, and every week that the house is clean by cleaning lady standards, they put the money that wouldve gone to the weekly cleaning lady in the fund.
She does the same with washing/setting her sheitels (and has acknowledged that she doesnt look as nice as if it would be set by a shaitl macher but its worth it for her), and doing her own waxing etc (same acknowledgment)
Saving like this can get you to a pesach hotel every year or two (or three..depends how big your family is)
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