Preschoolers and learning about death from parsha

amother

Mauve

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 9:57 am

My son is in kindergarden. He is a very bright boy. He loves learning about the Parsha and for the first time he is learning the concept of death/dying/killing/burial and he talks about it a lot - usually in a parsha way like he will be playing and say Avrohom was nifter or they buried Rochel on the way. He also now tells his little sister when he is upset that I am going to kill you and bury you. I told him that he is never allowed to talk like that and we dont talk about killing and dying in this house. The next day he tells me I know where Yaakov is so obviously I said where and he said oh were not allowed to talk about it in this house. How do you deal with preschoolers learning about these concepts? I honestly don't like how he is always talk about death but its really just coming from learning parsha and general jewish knowledge.

keym

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 10:11 am

I explain it how the neshama the part that makes us special and unique from Hashem went to go live in shamayim with Hashem. The body the part that you and I can see is buried in the ground.
WheN a person dies we are very sad because even though that person is happy near Hashem the rest of us miss that person and cant see the person until mashiach comes.
We dont talk about killing or burying other people because thats talk that makes people sad. But if we are very upset we can say that we are so angry or upset about the person.
Death is unfortunately a normal part of life. And preschoolers all go through a stage of "killing", putting in jail etc. Its how they express their annoyance. It doesnt mean he'll become a serial killer.

keym

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 10:14 am

And adding that this parsha whete yaakov gold old weak sick was able to put his affairs in order and then dies is the easiest way to teach kids. Its in a non scary way that old people like great grandparents are niftar but without the fears involved about young people suddenly dying. (Of course that exists but it can be very scary for kids.)

amother

Jade

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 10:32 am

It's a funny thing. In Israel, the whole death, killing thing is spoken about so much more matter of factly for kids of any age. In fact, my two year old came home, knowing the whole chana and her 7 sons story in full graphic detail.
In America, death is often explained as "Vashti went 'away'"

amother

Gold

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 10:38 am

My three year old told me this morning that Yaakov went up to shomayim to meet Hashem...

I wouldn't have said "we don't talk about dying in this house." I would have said we don't talk about killing other people.

imasoftov

Wed, Dec 27 2017, 10:39 am

How about we talk about death but with sensitivity? And we certainly don't talk about killing people because there's also לא תרצח. And we don't talk about burying people until that becomes relevant because there's also לא תונו איש את עמיתו no matter how angry we are at them.

essie14

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 7:47 am

I would never say that we don't talk about death. Your son is going to encounter death, possibly at a young age. Grandparents, great grandparents, etc. I wouldn't want my child to bottle up his feelings. I would definitely say that we don't talk about killing other people. But that's also normal for young kids.

myname1

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 4:38 pm

amother wrote:

I wouldn't have said "we don't talk about dying in this house." I would have said we don't talk about killing other people.

I agree, threatening to kill someone is an issue, not speakng about death. I have a 3 year old also learning about all of these things through the parsha. He also once threatened his younger sister and I told him that when someone dies, he doesn't come back (until mashiach), meaning it's something that can't be undone, and that's why it's too scary for me to hear him say such things about someone I love so much. (I think it was a graphic threat.) If he's just learning about these concepts now, they're confusing and maybe also scary for him, so he's exploring it in his own way. I wouldn't necessarily discourage that entirely.

thunderstorm

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 5:16 pm

Just wondering , why is it different for our kids than when we grew up? We all learned these things and seem to have managed just fine.
My DS also plays with his playmobil and does the Parsha or some Biblical story with his toys and often I hear the rasha threatening death to the other playmobil figure. Sometimes I have to ask him to talk nicer and he'll answer "but he's Pharoah".... and it's understandable . Just because you learn about death doesn't mean the kid is getting bugs in his head to act it out in real life. Children love to play and imagine and it's all part of it.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 5:59 pm

I had to look twice if I didn't write this. This is the topic of the week at our house too. I answer questions in an age appropriate manner but some aspects are so abstract that it's hard to explain. What does it mean when someone goes to shamayim?

amother

Tan

Fri, Dec 29 2017, 2:28 am

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

Just wondering , why is it different for our kids than when we grew up? We all learned these things and seem to have managed just fine.

I think some kids are more sensitive than others. I was pretty terrified for years about getting old and dying. I also refused to read/watch/listen to pretty much any news because it was always scary to me. Same with any scary stories about bad guys. I think it also depends on the age of the child, even for less extreme cases.

amother

Bisque

Fri, Dec 29 2017, 3:46 am

I used to have a problem with this
And then my mother was dying.
She was so close to them I was terrified they’d be traumatized forever.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say they haven’t been affected but we have had many wonderful conversations and BH they are doing okay.
They still mention it sometimes but overall death has become a fact of life for them.

happyone

Fri, Dec 29 2017, 10:25 am

Its ok. Thousands of preschoolers have been tought the same way and it's been ok. Death is an inevitable part of life. I wonder if you are dealing with unresolved issues regarding death and dying that this is bothering you .