Close friend lives in a filthy house and doesn't realize it

browser

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 10:38 am

I think it's not ideal level of clean but not something to interfere about.
I can understand that it would bother someone who is very makpid about cleanliness.
My house goes through phases of clean to something similar to your friends. It depends what else is going on.
I have a relative nearby who is a neat freak and I sometimes wonder what she thinks when she walks into my house when it is a mess.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 11:44 am

Thanks to this thread I cleaned my microwaves and toaster! Smile

Don't come to my house, though! Its cleanliness leaves much to be desired... Because I don't like cleaning... It is an annoying chore, so I cut (too) many corners...

saw50st8

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

Who says I think it's normal?! I cant put up a camera and run clean the toilet every time one of the messy kids does their thing!! I've accepted it to be normal. And clutter is a preference not a must. A smelly house?!yeah that's gross

I was once cleaning the bathroom. I cleaned the toilet, turn around to clean the sink, when my son came in, peed all over the freshly cleaned seat and walked out (Yes I stopped him and made him at least wash his hands). So even 10 seconds after I'm done cleaning my toilet, it can already be dirty!

mommy3b2c

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 11:47 am

saw50st8 wrote:

So did you clean it? Or did you just say “well it’s normal to have pee all over the toilet seats”?

Because my kids pee all over the bathroom. But I don’t just leave the pee. I clean it.

Fox

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 12:10 pm

This thread is really the same as the "why don't fat people care how they look" thread. And the inherent problem is the same. The real topic is "How can people stand to live like that?" Except "like that" means different things to different people, and when we point a finger at someone else, we're pointing three back at ourselves.

Just like the fat people thread, some of us find certain desirable standards easier to meet than others, and naturally, we have plenty of elaborate explanations for why things we find easy are just basic common sense that everyone should do but things that come harder for us deserve a little more rachmones.

Our standards are influenced by our environment, too. Maybe a visit to this woman's mother's home would explain why she thinks she's a model of balabusta excellence!

As other posters have mentioned, at the end of the day, all you can do is give positive reinforcement to your friend when she occasionally makes a dent in the grime. Just try to remember that there are likely parts of your lifestyle that cause her to shake her head sadly and say, "How can anyone stand to live like that?" as she stacks up pyramids of clutter and walks right past dirty bathrooms.

Surrendered

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 1:32 pm

It seems that OPs friends house is filthy beyond 'normal'!!!
I saw an equaintance's house really filthy, I mean really disgusting! (She's really no balabusta and ez going but I felt bad for her DH. She also has therapists coming in for her kids all the time), so I brought into conversation and mentioned to her in a very kind and sensitive manner that I have a great 'steam machine', which saves me hours of work and housecleaning help, I got it at a great deal. If you're interested, I can order it for you too. She did order it and I showed her how to clean with it, how to use it, she was truly grateful.

Last edited by Surrendered on Thu, Dec 28 2017, 10:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 1:39 pm

dear op. and everyone else here who thinks its their business what someone elses house looks like.

mine your own business! why do people even think this is up for discussion? gosh. I wish I didnt open this dumb thread.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 4:11 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

I seriously don't understand why this is acceptable! When you toilet train your kids, do you not teach them where to "aim"...to flush... My 4 yr old knows that after she flushes she has to check the bowl to see if it's clean. Either she cleans it or calls me to! It seems like many mothers don't teach their kids slot of basic hygiene. What

thunderstorm

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 4:32 pm

amother wrote:

You mentioned that your 4 ur old is a "she".... boys have a knack for peeing everywhere but the bowl, just sayin'

mommy3b2c

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 6:06 pm

amother wrote:

Lol. I guess you don’t have any boys. Or at least toilet trained ones....

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 6:50 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

You mentioned that your 4 ur old is a "she".... boys have a knack for peeing everywhere but the bowl, just sayin'

Ok. So my 6 yr old son, from day 1 has been to taught to pee sitting. Have 6 kids k"ah, oldest 9, and maybe once/twice a week will I find that some one may have too lazy /didn't notice.

amother

White

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 7:26 pm

amother wrote:

B"h not. Apologies if I hurt you

Nah don't stress.

I'm laughing because just found an apple core in the clothes dryer. Guess that's a slight improvement than throwing it on the floor, technically speaking. Wonder if we would have had nice apple smelling clothes if I had just put a load on with it in. (BH bli bli ayin Hara we've at least moved on from pouring Everything out of the pantry on to the floor (oil, flour , cereal. Etc) (yes it had a lock but there were other kids using it), and other worse stuff...)

Having kids with autism has really helped me be less judgemental. G-d knew what He was doing. But if I can get 1 person to be less judgmental by simply TALKING about autism so they don't have to experience it first hand, that's a great thing.

As far as the friend is concerned - what did Miriam Adahan used to say? Distressing but not dangerous? How about "dirty but not dangerous"? Even if you are there a lot you don't know the whole story.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 7:28 pm

amother wrote:

Ok. So my 6 yr old son, from day 1 has been to taught to pee sitting. Have 6 kids k"ah, oldest 9, and maybe once/twice a week will I find that some one may have too lazy /didn't notice.

1st of all when my boys pee sitting down, the mess could be horrific.
And 2nd I do not consider it a laudible goal to encourage my boys to only pee sitting. I do not want them to be the boys who wont use the urinal in school. My boys school has 4 urinals to every one stall and theyre encouraged to leave the stalls for those who need to ....well sit. My boys would be teased to no end.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 7:32 pm

amother wrote:

I also am confused about why boys peeing sitting down is admirable??

It sounds weird to me...

As soon as my kids are sufficiently trained, they switch to peeing while standing. If they pee while sitting they’re just asking to be made fun of...

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 7:38 pm

amother wrote:

Ok. So my 6 yr old son, from day 1 has been to taught to pee sitting.

It's against their nature to do that. My son did that when training since he didn't know the difference yet what he was going for and it was simple that way at the beginning. (It was actually much messier though won't get too graphic on the reasons why.) At 4 years old now he goes standing up.

amother

Gray

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 7:48 pm

My house was dirty and dilapidated up until a few years ago after which things changed and we were able to move into better conditions. My brother and his wife tried to get involved at the time and unfortunately it negatively affected our relationship. So not only did we have to struggle with housekeeping, the worst part was all the judgmental people, as seen on this thread too.

LittleDucky

Thu, Dec 28 2017, 7:56 pm

You also don’t know the full story. No matter how nosy and eagle-eyed you might be— you really don’t know what is going on in the home. Some people have a diagnosis they are uncomfortable sharing, even to close relatives. Whether it is a kid or a parent it isn’t easy to just clean it. Fibromyalgia, POTS, sleep disorders, pain disorders (so take meds and then can’t function or sleep)... I could go on. All of these are real and can effect th ability to function and do basic tasks. Complaining about the consequences of a Hidden diseases shouldn’t make them feel even worse.