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Kids Not Adjusting Well to FT Work



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newmommy1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 5:59 pm
I recently started working FT (40 hrs) and my kids are not so crazy about it. I used to work only pt and was always home when they returned from school. Now, I obviously have a babysitter watching them after school. While I'm flattered that they miss me, it's hard to see them sad. I have two questions:

1. How do I explain to them on their level (all under 8) that I'm not working because I want to but because I have to (ie, difficult financial situation) without giving them too much info about the financial situation (don't want to burdent them). I don't want them to feel that I prefer to be away from them. I tell them all of this but any other suggestions?

2. What are some special things I can do to compensate for being away? My work is close enough that I can grab them during my lunch to take them out for pizza or ice cream. Any other ideas to spend one on one quality time?
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 6:20 pm
newmommy1 wrote:
I recently started working FT (40 hrs) and my kids are not so crazy about it. I used to work only pt and was always home when they returned from school. Now, I obviously have a babysitter watching them after school. While I'm flattered that they miss me, it's hard to see them sad. I have two questions:

1. How do I explain to them on their level (all under 8) that I'm not working because I want to but because I have to (ie, difficult financial situation) without giving them too much info about the financial situation (don't want to burdent them). I don't want them to feel that I prefer to be away from them. I tell them all of this but any other suggestions?

2. What are some special things I can do to compensate for being away? My work is close enough that I can grab them during my lunch to take them out for pizza or ice cream. Any other ideas to spend one on one quality time?


I went through this a few years ago. My husband stopped working to go back to school, and I started working full time to support us. It's a hard adjustment.

I'm a fan of clear, honest, age-appropriate explanations for things that effect my kids. In my case, we explained to them that mommy working full time was what was best for our family so that Abba could go to college and we could still buy all the things we need. Not sure what prompted you to have to go to work full time, so I'm sure for you the explanation would be different.

I don't love the idea of pulling kids out of school during the day; I think my boys would find that very dysregulating and disruptive. Also, you need your lunch break! Take that time to refresh yourself so that when you get home from your long day at work you have the emotional energy to focus on your kids.

Something I do pretty often that my boys love is writing notes for them on label stickers and sticking them to their snack or lunch. For my little boys, I'll draw them pictures. It usually goes something like:

Hi handsome! You must be eating your snack right now. Around now I'm probably looking at the clock in my office and thinking that its recess for you and wondering what your playing and who your playing with. I hope you're having a great time! In about 3 hours you'll be coming home from school, and an hour after that I'll be coming home from work. Supper tonight is pancakes. When I get home, we'll eat them together and do homework and play Monopoly deal and read books... I can't wait because I miss you! Have a great rest of your day! Love Mommy.

My older son likes it when I write him jokes.

Good luck with this transition OP. It's really hard in the beginning. I find now that I actually don't mind the hours too much. It helps that I really love my job. Best wishes to you!
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 6:35 pm
DVMOM, I feel stupid responding after you. Next time please give us flawed moms a chance to respond before you write your ever practical and cheerful advice. Just kidding, you are the best!

So, here goes! It's a tough balance. I have been working all my kid s lives so they don't know anything different. They do know they mommy and tatty work so we can have money to buy food, clothes, ice cream and give tzedaka.

When I came home after my children I found that it very hard. I recently transitioned to getting home the same time as them which also has its challenges.

The only way to make it up to your children is that whatever time you do have with them be fully present and positive. Time is so limited so make sure it is quality time. Put away distractions and devices. I don't even answer the phone if my mom is calling until the kids are asleep. I also stay with them in bed until they are asleep so they have that security that I am there because so often, I am not.

Good luck and hoping your financial situation improves so you can cut down on your hours.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 27 2017, 11:42 pm
DVMOM and simba said it all. Excellent advise! And one more thing: Avoid as much as possible your smartphones and internet. Makes a huge difference.
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2017, 6:14 am
simba wrote:
DVMOM, I feel stupid responding after you. Next time please give us flawed moms a chance to respond before you write your ever practical and cheerful advice. Just kidding, you are the best!

So, here goes! It's a tough balance. I have been working all my kid s lives so they don't know anything different. They do know they mommy and tatty work so we can have money to buy food, clothes, ice cream and give tzedaka.

When I came home after my children I found that it very hard. I recently transitioned to getting home the same time as them which also has its challenges.

The only way to make it up to your children is that whatever time you do have with them be fully present and positive. Time is so limited so make sure it is quality time. Put away distractions and devices. I don't even answer the phone if my mom is calling until the kids are asleep. I also stay with them in bed until they are asleep so they have that security that I am there because so often, I am not.

Good luck and hoping your financial situation improves so you can cut down on your hours.


Hey! I'm part of the 'flawed moms' club too! Vet me, I promise I qualify!
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2017, 6:16 am
DVOM wrote:
Hey! I'm part of the 'flawed moms' club too! Vet me, I promise I qualify!


Sorry, I vote you out. Try some other nice ladies here. You write hysterical notes to your kids and you let them paint at the supper table. Sorry love!
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2017, 6:19 am
simba wrote:
Sorry, I vote you out. Try some other nice ladies here. You write hysterical notes to your kids and [b]you let them paint at the supper table. Sorry love!


I would argue that this votes me in. Last night they literally painted their pancakes. AND THEN ATE THEM!
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2017, 6:34 am
DVOM wrote:
[b]I would argue that this votes me in. Last night they literally painted their pancakes. AND THEN ATE THEM!


Exactly my point! I stand by my vote. I'm sure you wil be redeemed though!
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