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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Is it ADD?



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amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2017, 11:57 am
I have a young teenager who struggles somewhat in school. I’m often told she needs a personal invitation when told to take something out in class... she often seems flakey: at home when she has a test it’s constant reminder, take out your notes study .... maybe I was very different and I used to sit and study for hours even tho I struggled. If she sees it’s hard she just doesn’t bother. She has some anxiety... during class she can sit and color or play with something other than taking notes. She just seems immature and I’m trying To wonder how in the world she’ll stay afloat in a high school class.
Any ideas? Someone mentioned ADD I really don’t want to medicate if not needed
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2017, 12:16 pm
Add makes sense.
I went through all my years of school with undiagnosed add.
I had a good head and pushed myself to study for hours so my parents didn't realize I was struggling with ADD.
Teachers used to complain that I always needed a reminder to take out books or turn to the right page. I used to forget my supplies or things at home. I had a hard time keeping my stuff organized. I used to get very distracted and spaced out all the time. Studying took me 4 times the amount it should have.
Someone once said coffee helps.
I was never Medicaid because was always nursing or pregnant when I found out about it. But life would be much easier with medication probably.
You might have ADD too. It runs in families. If you needed to push yourself to study for hours what other studied in one hour it can be a sign. I used to read a page of notes and at the end of the page realized I need to reread it because I paid no attention and don't remember what I read. Then would reread and force myself to focus...
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2017, 12:35 pm
I guess I’m a bit flakey too. Like not focused. My memory is terrible. Yes sometimes I need to read things a few times to understand it but I assumed I have processing issues and just not that smart.....
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2017, 1:27 pm
amother wrote:
I guess I’m a bit flakey too. Like not focused. My memory is terrible. Yes sometimes I need to read things a few times to understand it but I assumed I have processing issues and just not that smart.....


Processing issues go together with ADD
It takes more time to process things.
You can be very smart with ADD. I used to get the top marks in m class but had to read questions on the test a few times to get it. But I ended up getting it better than anyone else. My teachers were nice enough to let me have my test the longest.
I'm pretty sure my mother has ADD too although if you ask her she wouldn't think so.
And I see it in my daughter too. She is in first grade. Teachers told me She doesn't follow directions.. I explained to them that she gets spaced out and needs reminders to turn to the right page. That's how Her brain works. They should kindly be patient with her and give her gentle reminders. I'm not even telling my daughter what her teacher said because I know she can't help it and it will only take away her confidence.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2017, 1:32 pm
it's worth getting her tested

sometimes medication can save the child

(speaking from a mother that used to be against medication but I see how much it helps my children)
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amother
Teal


 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2017, 1:53 pm
You can also explain to her teacher that she shouldn't be annoyed when your daughter needs a personal invitation. That's how her brain works and the teacher needs to learn how to deal with it.
That's what I told my daughters first grade teacher. The teacher didn't like it so much. But then I spoke to the principal and she said she will speak to the teacher.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2017, 3:36 pm
First of all you're jumping the gun if you say "someone mentioned ADD" and then "I don't want to medicate." That's a real leap from one to the other. Slow down.

Secondly, how long have these issues been noted? Someone who is spacey and needs personal invitations and multiple reminders to follow directions will often show those tendencies as early as preschool or not that long afterward. Sometimes if they're in a very supportive environment it might not be pointed out until later when they're expected to function more independently - but still, that would kick in by 2nd or 3rd grade for most. You say she's an early teen. When did this start?

Nobody here can tell you how likely your child is to have ADHD. These kinds of questions just may be helpful for you to have a clearer picture when you seek a professional evaluation. And you definitely should seek an evaluation because these struggles can be very painful if they aren't recognized and addressed in some manner or another.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Mon, Jan 01 2018, 5:06 pm
Could be ADD, could not be ADD, the only way to relly know is to be evaluated.

Also, just because your child has ADD, that doens't mean they will have to be on medication - there are many behavioral modifications and skills based therapies which can help. And if she also needs medication in the end, then she'll be the one to suffer if she doens't have - but cross that bridge when you get to it.

(I have ADHD, so I say all these things from experience)
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Jan 02 2018, 5:17 am
Teal, I was just like you! How do you cope with it as a mother? Need ideas!
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, Jan 02 2018, 9:16 am
amother wrote:
Teal, I was just like you! How do you cope with it as a mother? Need ideas!

If I tell you how I don't cope, would that help you?
1. I make sure to have a cleaning lady. Its more important than any other expense on my list.
2. I have a lot of frozen food in my freezer to take out for last minute supper. French fries, fish sticks, frozen pizza, eggs. I microwave it and have supper ready in a minute.
3. I wash all laundry Every day. Otherwise I don't remember to wash it once a week. I don't sort my laundry. Just wash everything together in cold water. Unless I have something really fragile I would make a load just for that.

Do you have any tips for me?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 02 2018, 1:03 pm
amother wrote:
If I tell you how I don't cope, would that help you?
1. I make sure to have a cleaning lady. Its more important than any other expense on my list.
2. I have a lot of frozen food in my freezer to take out for last minute supper. French fries, fish sticks, frozen pizza, eggs. I microwave it and have supper ready in a minute.
3. I wash all laundry Every day. Otherwise I don't remember to wash it once a week. I don't sort my laundry. Just wash everything together in cold water. Unless I have something really fragile I would make a load just for that.

Do you have any tips for me?

Sounds like functional coping strategies to me! Not coping would be if you DIDN'T have food, laundry, and a cleaning lady. Different things work for different people. I cope better with doing laundry as rarely as possible, and I get judged for that too somehow. To each their own.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 02 2018, 4:22 pm
seeker wrote:

Secondly, how long have these issues been noted? Someone who is spacey and needs personal invitations and multiple reminders to follow directions will often show those tendencies as early as preschool or not that long afterward. Sometimes if they're in a very supportive environment it might not be pointed out until later when they're expected to function more independently - but still, that would kick in by 2nd or 3rd grade for most. You say she's an early teen. When did this start?

Just wanted to clarify that I mean someone who is spacey *due to ADHD.* I was re-skimming and realized I didn't write that clearly. Someone who used to be on the ball and then becomes spacey as a tween I would first want to look into possibilities like depression, abuse, vitamin deficiencies, endocrine problems, and all the other things that could cause ADHD look-alikes.
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