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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Son not ashamed
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 7:47 pm
My 12 year old son is not ashamed if I see him fully undressed. Lots of times when he comes out of the shower he won't wear a towel and if he sees me he won't mind. I'm very worried. Help
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 7:55 pm
When my DS age six opened his robe after a bath in front of me. I told him that it's not tznius etc. that's when he started a conversation and let us know that our neighbor age 14 had been touching him inappropriately. A child at the age of 12 should be super sensitive and not want his mother to see him naked. My DS age 8 will change his underwear with a closed door. My DS age 11 won't allow me into the bathroom if he is undressed. I don't remember the last time I saw him naked. It as years ago. Start off by tellin him that this is not ok to walk around like this don't be accusatory and start a dialogue that he shouldn't be revealing himself not to you or anyone but himself or when going to the doctor etc.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 7:55 pm
Why should he be ashamed? There's nothing shameful about the human body. Men and boys go to the mikva stark naked.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 7:56 pm
amother wrote:
Why should he be ashamed? There's nothing shameful about the human body. Men and boys go to the mikva stark naked.

My DH doesn't go and neither do my kids. And it's for this reason. The mikvah makes them lose a sensitivity they would otherwise have.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 7:57 pm
My late teen daughters have no body shame in front of me . Completely naked.
My son took til his bar mitzva to begin to cover up.
No shame. at all. You're his mom, maybe he just feels you've seen him naked since he's little, and diapered him and bathed him for many years...
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jacky blacky




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 8:02 pm
Maybe consult with a professional. Ds has been sensitive since like age 6 or 7. At age 12 to be like this is reason for concern. Get help quick cuz u don't want this going on when he's 15
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 8:23 pm
I guess it has to do with how the child is raised. In our home my DH would not walk around in his boxers in front of my boys. He will always put his pants on before leaving the room. My kids never see me undress after age 3. My kids all felt uncomfortable being undressed in front of me by ages 6,7. This imbues a sensitivity into the kids.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 8:30 pm
amother wrote:
My late teen daughters have no body shame in front of me...


I was/am the same. I don't know why, but to this day I feel no shame changing clothes or being nude in front of other women for legit reasons.

I have sons who, on their own at ages 9 to 13, felt more privacy was needed e.g. coming out of the shower etc. My daughter is 8 and has already shown that she's uncomfortable with me seeing her body.

I truly don't know how to teach to cover privates without disturbing their natural growth.

Now, if my sons were post-puberty and still felt no shame, I think I'd tell dh to have a talk with them.
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unexpected




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 10:33 pm
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
My DH doesn't go and neither do my kids. And it's for this reason. The mikvah makes them lose a sensitivity they would otherwise have.

My boys do go to Mikva daily and will never undress in front of family members. They also make sure to go to diff mikvahs or at diff times.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 10:54 pm
It's a type. Some of my kids are the same. I have to keep explaining why it's important to keep the body covered. I keep reminding them to take fresh clothes to the bathroom before they shower.
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flmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 14 2018, 10:57 pm
My son only stated covering up once he was in puberty. Has his body started changing yet? I wouldn’t worry either way I would just remind him to be tznius and cover up.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 4:02 am
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
My DH doesn't go and neither do my kids. And it's for this reason. The mikvah makes them lose a sensitivity they would otherwise have.


My husband goes to the mikvah but changes his clothes under his cover in bed. But I think it's because it says to do it somewhere vs. a sensitivity. But why not just mention to him that as children grow it's nice to increase privacy, even in front of parents.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 9:43 am
I think it's a personality type. Some are shy, some are not. Some are introverted, some are extroverted. Unless there are some red flags you haven't mentioned yet, I wouldn't be too worried.

I would just be matter of fact, and talk about tznius, dressing properly outside the bedroom and bathroom, etc. You can always have DH talk to him about modesty, too. Try to get him to emulate his dad. (I'm assuming your DH doesn't go around the house naked. embarrassed )

DD has no worries about being undressed around me, but she would be horrified if anyone else saw her anything but fully dressed.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 9:45 am
I would encourage privacy, not shame.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 9:49 am
Why is this something to be concerned about?

My 11 year old will walk around naked. I’m not concerned at all. I just keep reminding him that he needs to be tznius. He’s embarrassed in front of other people. Just not in front of me. If they are past puberty and still running around naked, then it’s time for a talk. I don’t see why people make issues out of tissues.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 9:55 am
Forget about the issue of feeling ashamed or not. Just make it about boundaries and rules. The rule in the house is not to walk around without clothes on after age xyz. No emotions involved.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 10:53 am
Past seven there is what to be concerned about. It says that even Adam and Eve were ashamed they tried to hide from God etc. Take him to a professional or ask him straight out if someone touched him
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 11:16 am
I would be more concerned if he had no embarassment in front of rotal strangers. But if its just in front of immediate family, I would not be concerned. Just keep reminding him of the "family rules" that no one comes out without at least covering what a bathing suit covers. And enforce this rule with everyone.
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amother
Green


 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 11:35 am
Teach your son about Jewish pple being tznius. And there is something very wrong about an 11 year old walking around naked. He's not three.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Mon, Jan 15 2018, 12:02 pm
I agree with all the posters who say don't mention shame. I tell my ds7 that he has a cute tushy, but that doesn't mean others are allowed to touch it or look at it. He needs to cover up. It's all about modesty and nothing else!
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