Repeat grade? | Imamother

amother

Blue

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 8:52 pm

My son is in 8th grade. He has lots of academic struggles, and school doesn't come easy to him. However socially he does very well. We went for an interview to the local high school that we think he would do best with, and they suggested he would benefit from repeating 8th grade. He is only recently getting the hang of Gemara, and is behind in math, and they feel the extra year of skill building can be really helpful. Question is-- how would this impact him socially and emotionally? It would also put him in the same grade as his brother. Any thoughts?

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 8:57 pm

Is there another school in the city that would be able to have him for 8th grade? I know people who have done that to gain a little more time before starting high school...

I don't know what to answer about being in the same grade as his younger brother, and how he'd feel.

33055

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:04 pm

amother wrote:

Would they be open to other solutions like tutoring this year, the summer, and next?

Personally, I would do everything I could to avoid leaving your son back.

arn

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:06 pm

To clarify-- it would be a new school, not his current school. We are already doing tutoring to the max. The idea would be to give him an extra year to close that gap before starting high school.

gibberish

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:10 pm

In all honesty, holding back at that age sounds like a terrible idea to me. I can't see how that won't kill both his self esteem and social status. Even more so because he has a brother in that grade.
Is there another school that would consider him, even out of town? Can tutoring help bring him up to speed?

amother

Blue

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:13 pm

We haven't discussed it with him yet, as we aren't sure how we feel about the idea. They are willing to take him into 9th, but feel it's a big mistake and the extra year can have lifelong positive implications.

33055

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

The extra year can also have lifelong negative implications. If they are willing to take him, then I would do it.

groisamomma

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:48 pm

We had skipped DS in 4th and everyone felt he was too young and immature for high school so we put him back into 8th grade in another yeshiva. Some factors to consider (from a mother and a teacher's point of view):

1) Ask him first. If he's open to the idea, discuss it further. If he's adamantly against it then case closed.

2) I've taught kids that were left behind and were in the same grade as a sibling. They were kids with academic or behavioral issues and when other kids asked questions it visibly bothered them. Remember that kids will ask if they're twins, if not then why are they in the same grade, etc. Your ds has to be ready with a confident response.

3) If your ds agrees, and has his own identity in another school away from his brother, then it's the best thing you can do for him. He'll thank you later.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:53 pm

One of my kids were left back, resulting in the "twins" scenario mentioned above. Overall, it was a good decision for us and the boys are very close but we left him back in pre-1a
We had a similar situation when our yeshiva asked us to consider skipping ds for 8th grade. We did all our research and were fairly confident about it, until we spoke to ds who emphatically nixed the whole concept. So, yeah, first talk to your son and see what he says...

flowerpower

Tue, Jan 16 2018, 9:53 pm

My friend's son was struggling and they did just that. They put him into 8th grade in a new yeshiva and he did really well. The question is how much do you think he will benefit from it? Will that extra year really help him?

mommish613

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 3:55 pm

amother wrote:

I would speak to him first to see how HE feels about repeating...or entering a school where he'll be struggling. He may say no way to either and then you saved yourself a lot of time and research. You are still his parents and have the right to make decisions but it's pretty detrimental to make a 14 year old do something he feels strongly against.

What about broadening your horizons a little bit and looking into other schools that would be a good fit for his learning level?

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 3:59 pm

I have a relative who was skipped a grade in school, and put into the same grade as her older sister. I don't know why no one considered the older sister's feelings, but it was a terrible blow to her self-esteem.

If at all possible, if you do repeat him, put him in a different school.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 4:10 pm

I would really only consider leaving back a child in preschool unless they just weren’t cutting it. I left my son back in nursery. He doesn’t really know. He isn’t doing amazing in elementary school either, but I’ve left him back as far as I’m willing to.

mha3484

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 4:12 pm

I know parents who have had a child repeat in a different school. I think its the only way that it can work without totally destroying his self esteem.

flmommy

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 6:02 pm

Unless he is game for it I agree bad idea. Summer with a tutor would help and remembering not everyone is great at all subjects. If the high school is heavy in the gemara maybe there are better options.