Worst day ever | Imamother

amother

Papaya

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 11:08 pm

I hate Purim. It breaks my heart every single year. I hate the competition for creativity (I’m not super creative nor do I enjoy it) I hate that it’s just me and dh. I hate that everyone stares at my belly expecting to see something. I hate that dh let’s lose and forgets about me. I hate that we have to go to my in laws. I hate everything about it. I hate the silliness. I hate dressing up. I hate pretending to be happy when I’m not. I hate the display that everyone is supposed to be on-showing off how adorable these children/costume/showing off their creativity/how rich they all are. I dread this day every single year Sad

flowerpower

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 11:23 pm

Sorry that you hate it.

I don't think there's competition at all
I don't find that people want to show off at all
I do think people use their creative side on Purim because they ENJOY it
I think people could and should do what they want and not have any pressure at all.
I feel terrible that you find it a sad day
Maybe let loose along with your dh
Make it work for you
Hugs

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 11:39 pm

amother wrote:

I hear you. Was 'shleped' two years in a row the my inlaws shul's community seduah. Not a place to be for a married couple without children. I put an end to that by year three.

happyone

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 11:39 pm

I'm sorry you feel this way . Maybe try getting super busy and into it to help you get through it. How about hosting your in laws? Also maybe talk to your husband about refraining from drinking this year as its so hard for you. Holidays, especially those geared for children are tough. Sending cyber hugs your way.

Jewishfoodie

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 11:40 pm

Hugs, OP, that is truly heartbreaking. Let's hope that since Purim is a time for open miracles, and 'v' nahfoch Hu, this Purim will be your open miracle and Hashem will indeed make Purim a time of great joy for you. You are beloved to Him. And to all of the posters everywhere. I look forward to Adar being your favorite month one day very soon

amother

Wine

Wed, Jan 17 2018, 11:55 pm

First, hugs and love and hopes for good things.

Lots of people are lonely on Purim. Do you think you can find some of them to host for the seuda? They're not interested in whether the food matches your shaloch Manos theme. Visit a hospital or old age home. Helping others is both a mitzvah and a distraction.

tichellady

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 12:02 am

I can totally relate. I try to find things to make the day enjoyable. I go to a women’s Megillah reading that I enjoy. We have a potluck seudah with friends, not with family. We make a simple but yummy homemade mishloach manot and only deliver to people we can walk to ( soup and a roll, veggies with homemade hummus, kettle corn and a mini apple pie etc). I have some easy costume options, a colorful wig, wings, colorful shoes etc that I can wear with a cute outfit and still feel dressed up. Hope this helps! Wishing you good things and a better Purim this year!

amother

Coffee

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 4:51 am

Op u have every right to hate it. (Just let ur dh let loose...it's his way of coping...I'm sure u wouldn't mind getting thru the day intoxicated!) I feel so awful for u must be dreadful. I'm married w kids and I hate all u mentioned- I cant imagine what it must be like for u. Since I hate purim(costumes ...competition... junk... pretending to hav fun ...meeting more ppl than ud like...) I wake up every purim morning and daven vasikin in shul.( it's the only day I go to shul all yr!) And it can be challenging!but I find the peace and quiet give me the ability to focus and appreciate what hshem is really giving us in purim-a tremendous eis ratzon. It's easier the rest of the day when I've given it the proper perspective first. Behatzlacha

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 4:51 am

Spend the morning visiting people at a nursing home/hospital or do some other chessed that is meaningful to you. Then attend a seuda with friends or family that you want to be with. You don't HAVE to be with in-laws on this day. I can totally relate to your feelings. It's hard.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 4:58 am

I was in your shoes for a few years. I decided to host my own seuda and invite people I liked - and plenty of fun yeshiva bochrim. I didn't have to pretend to be happy and I got to spend the day busy preparing and hosting the seuda. You can even do a joint sedua with another couple and share out making the food. Purim is hard. Good luck.

amother

Tan

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 8:42 am

That sounds awful op.
As other posted mentioned take the reigns in your hands this year and find ways to make it more enjoyable. You don't have to have the same experience as everyone else seems to have in order to be happy. Be proactive and take charge of your happiness.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 9:41 am

There were many years that I hated Purim. I’m apparently not close with a lot of people, so I don’t really get MM. No one invites me to their seudah, so I have to plan and execute it myself. I’m not super creative either. We don’t even go out for Megillah, because my husband prefers to lein for us. Then I decided that Purim is what we make it. I let my kids wear costumes from our dress up box, or we get some funny accessories at Party City. We try and make a nice MM. I’m not creative, but I try and give out real food. In the absence of having lots of close friends, we try and give my neighbors, my kids’ teachers, and we deliver to 2 friends per kid. We make a few extra in case people come to us. I have a choice whether to act festive or to be down in the dumps, and being upset all day no longer works for me. I’m not saying my quiet Purim would work for everyone, but it makes me happy to act happy. So I fake it till I make it. Editing, because I see it’s just the two of you, it’s still possible to dress up and have fun giving a few to people who are meaningful in your life. Turn on some festive music. Have a glass or two of wine at the seudah. It’s one of those holidays that are super fun for men and kids, and we women need to make the meaning for ourselves.

SixOfWands

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 10:29 am

amother wrote:

I'm sorry.

I doubt I can make it better, but here are some ideas:

(1) Go to a megillah reading that's not particularly child friendly. Later in the evening, whatever it takes.

(2) Purchase your MM. A number of charities do relatively inexpensive MM. You're supporting a good cause, and getting out of the fray. Or only give the minimum. Tell everyone else that this year, you decided to devote your time and efforts to a food bank, to which you donated. And do it.

(3) Give yourself a job at the seuda. "Mom, you worked so hard already. Go, enjoy yourself with the family! I'll take care of everything in the kitchen."

red sea

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 11:02 am

Plan a purim good for you this year. You deserve to enjoy it. Create a purim you will enjoy. It doesn't need to be about themes, costumes, showing off or kids.

There are places you can do good, soup kitchens, hospitals, rehab centers, nursing homes where anything you would do would bring joy to others having a really not very good time on Purim. If you aren't comfortable with that find others without kids to do a more sophisticated purim together that isn't child friendly. Take care of yourself and make something good of it.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Jan 18 2018, 11:41 am

Op here. Thanks for all the advice. I have to go to my in laws because that’s the way they are and if we dared think of not going...and most of my friends are going to parents or in laws as well so nobody to make a meal with. I think I want to get drunk this year that might be the only way I make it through but then who’s going to drive dh? I just wish it was a normal day like every other where you get dressed and go to work and don’t have to see so many people who you are not interested in seeing. I plaster a smile on and somehow I survive it but each year is a whole nightmare. Dh loves it because he doesn’t feel the children pressure as much as I do and he gets to let loose and act insane while I try to hold back tears