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How to handle this parenting dilemma?



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miami85




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 18 2018, 9:44 pm
I have 2 boys A & B who are 18 months apart (7 & 5). Child A recently had a birthday and is generally a good and responsible kid, but he has developmental delays and gets a lot of therapy--and he works hard for his success. B is a smart and sometimes sweet, but can be impulsive, overbearing, bossy bordering on bully (but he's really a cowardly bully--hurt him before he hurts me type). He generally means well, but he can get intense sometimes.

A couple of weeks ago A got birthday presents, B was jealous. A graciously shared many of his birthday presents. Among them which was a cheap toy that A played with for about 5 mins, B got hold of it for a minute, tried something not well thought out, and it broke. A was mad, but he got over it fast.

Today A excitedly came home with a prize from one of his therapists, it was a cheap toy, but he was thrilled. He played with it all of one time, B came over asked for a turn tried to use it with just a drop too much force and it broke--and I don't think its fixable.

On the one hand I have tried to educate my boys that "prize toys aren't meant to last"--and in general I think A's over it already, but B was wrong in not being careful--and this is becoming a pattern. Do I ask his therapist if she has another one? Should I offer to reimburse her for it (probably cost a $1 and she probably got them in bulk so not worth it for us to buy 1)? What is an appropriate consequence for B?
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relish




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 18 2018, 10:05 pm
Maybe b can write an apology card to a and pay for a replacement with his own money (working for it doing chores if he has to).
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 18 2018, 10:17 pm
Did B feel sorry when he accidentally broke A's toy each time?
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ellacoe




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 18 2018, 11:07 pm
It must be frustrating for both of them.

What are you hoping to achieve by punishing A? Is it that there is something that you hope he can learn? Very often we punish to "teach the child a lesson". Is there a better way that you can teach him the lesson that you want to impart?

Perhaps involve him in the replacement of the toy, make him a part of the solution.
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naomi2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 19 2018, 4:21 am
Your kids got over it, you should too.
Let nature take its course. At some point A will stop sharing things that he cares about and B will grow up and be more careful.
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Teomima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 19 2018, 4:34 am
You've gotten a lot of great suggestions and I admit I have nothing to offer based on personal experience, but your comment about bulk cheap toys got me thinking. With services like aliexpress, where it's easy and cheap to order bulk selections of random toys, maybe get a pack yourself and store it away so, if B wants A's toy, you can instead offer B a toy of his own? And vice versa, if that happens. It's great to encourage your kids to share, but if you're seeing a pattern here, this might be something worth considering
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