Restless. | Imamother

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jan 21 2018, 11:14 am

Why am I like this? I can do nothing but think about experiencing new adventures. I'm not talking about a vacation to Boca. I'm talking about periodic huge shifts such as moving to a totally new town. Across the country. Alas, this is not so easy with a frum life. I didn't grow up frum. when I was a kid, I attended 3 different high schools. My DH was similar. We both had parents that had jobs that required moving frequently. Then, when my DH and I were first married, we had jobs that required us to move frequently. We had only a small family at the time. We then became frum, have a larger family now and are sedentary. And I'm so restless. I am thankful for what I have but I wish I could be satisfied with the comfortable life we have now. My DH feels the same as me. We have no extended family to anchor us and no particular binding force to keep us where we are other than the school our kids are in. Our family is minuscule and also spread around.

penguin

Sun, Jan 21 2018, 11:20 am

While it may have been a good experience for you and for DH, you'd want to consider if it would be good for your children to be moving around, or they're better off in a stable environment.

Are they good at making new friends? Are they adventuresome?

Is that why you're saying you feel stuck, or just the lack of things a frum family needs that prevent you from going to exciting places?

Can you and DH take sabbaticals from your jobs and spend a year somewhere else?

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Jan 21 2018, 11:47 am

If your kids are resilient types, there's no reason not to move. Do you want change for the sake of change, or are you looking for a different type of community? (By this I mean both religious type and location.)

What kinds of jobs do you have? Are you mobile? What about moving to another country? Israel, of course, but there are Jewish communities around the world. What are your schooling needs? With research, you may find what you want. But if you are going to want to move every two years, you have to ask yourself if that's fair to your kids. This has nothing to do with being frum; it's about giving your children consistency and security at the expense of thrill seeking.

You might also consider staying where you are and taking extended adventurous vacations.

Sun, Jan 21 2018, 12:03 pm

The way I see it? I think your body is going after what it's used to, which is moving frequently. Now, if you want to stay put, you have to retrain your brain and nervous system that staying in one place is your new norm. It's work similar to milchemes hayetzer, but there's nothing wrong with moving around. It's what you want with yourself and what are you actually doing. Will you go after what you are used to, or try something new, and if you try something new, how are you going to make it work.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jan 21 2018, 12:19 pm

Kids are fairly resilient. None of them have had any problems making friends. With that said, I wouldn't throw them into a community that is not our hashkafah.

On the other hand, I wonder if the fact that we have no family around us, leads me to feel this way. I have never had an extended family around, ever. Would I feel different if I had siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles to share life cycle events, holidays? I will never know. Maybe this is why I feel restless. One of the draws to frum life is community. But unfortunately, we have found that it really doesn't make up for lack of family.