Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Guests
What do you know about having a high schooler board by you?



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Lime


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:32 pm
I’m running tight on my finances, have a big house, and I’m thinking to have a high school girl board at my house to help with the house expenses.

I’ve never done this before, nor do I know anyone else who’s done this. If you have experience in this, can you give me any information? These are my questions, but I’m sure there are some issues I’m not even aware of.

How much do the girls usually pay? I live in Monsey.
Do I need to provide food? Transportation? Supervision?
What is my role here? Am I responsible for the whereabouts of the girl or do I just provide a place to crash?
What are some rules that I should have starting out?

Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Back to top

thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:37 pm
I had friends from Monsey who boarded in Brooklyn. They got supper from her every night.
I know that my sister boarded by some families when she went OOT for highschool and had friends over who the boarding family didn't approve of and it caused lots of friction until my sister begged my mother to change her.
I don't know any other details, but I do know that these girls have lots of sleepover friends. I was one of them. It could get noisy at night.
Back to top

Maryann




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:43 pm
Yes you definitely provide food, their own room and they are like one of the members of your family. If she particularly likes a certain food u are expected to buy it for her, within reason of course. My parents pay 500 dollars for my sister to board
Back to top

amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:52 pm
Some of my kids have boarded. (not in the usa though). We pay about $100 a week. (this doesn't always include shabbos) They have always walked to school so can't discuss that. I imagine it would be more if the parents had to do extra carpools. They eat breakfast and supper and take a packed lunch. The place my dd is now they give pretty minimal supervision - a bunch of girls board there - but they are also all quiet girls who don't cause trouble.
Back to top

thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:52 pm
Op , keep in mind they are night "free" babysitters . That is also something people take advantage of and is not part of the deal.
Back to top

amother
Lime


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:53 pm
Thank you for the responses so far. They are very helpful.

What information should I be asking about the girl?
Back to top

amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:54 pm
I will start with the fact that the girl will k now if you don't really want her there but need the money and/or help. It can be hurtful. So be prepared to welcome her in and include her.

To my knowledge: I know nothing about the money amount, or Monsey. You are responsible for feeding her, though not necessarily for every extra. In terms ofaccomodating extras sometimes, see above. School transportation should be worked out in advance- it's not a given. The parents may set it up in their own, or ask if you can do it (or a carpool) for an extra fee. For everything else, see above. And yes, when they go out, you need to know where, though some schools have specific oversight programs for their boarders.

I never had a boarder. My parents had 3. They treated them like members of the family (and are still in touch.) In return, their mothers asked them to try to get rides whenever possible and the like so as not to burden my parents. They also helped with the dishes and did some babysitting, but the same as I would (anything further needs to be agreed on with her parents- in many cases, any babysitting needs to be agreed on in advance.)

I also had a good friend so was a boarder and knew several others- they knew who was there only for the cash and the babysitting.
Back to top

amother
Hotpink


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 4:56 pm
amother wrote:
I’m running tight on my finances, have a big house, and I’m thinking to have a high school girl board at my house to help with the house expenses.

I’ve never done this before, nor do I know anyone else who’s done this. If you have experience in this, can you give me any information? These are my questions, but I’m sure there are some issues I’m not even aware of.

How much do the girls usually pay? I live in Monsey.
Do I need to provide food? Transportation? Supervision?
What is my role here? Am I responsible for the whereabouts of the girl or do I just provide a place to crash?
What are some rules that I should have starting out?

Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance.


I boarded in high school and had many friends that did but it was a long time ago and I had different situations bc I had family nearby.

In one place it was arranged that we didn't eat supper there, only slept and breakfast. We (me and my sister) had like a little suite with a mini fridge and sink. It was very uncomfortable to go up bc I felt like I was in her house plus I never usually had time to eat in the morning. We did laundry there too.

-curfew within reason, if they have their own entrance and not bothering the household then imo its really not your business as long as you arrange that with the parents. I kept really late nights in high school and would have resented anything under midnight
-provide supper but don't expect them to eat with the family, they may not want to and their hours are different.
- not sure what Monsey is like re distance to school
-separate entrance, key, independenxe as much as possible
-be open to them viewing you like another mom or older sister but be cool with the fact that they may want nothing to do with you
-your chaotic household of children should have nothing to do with them. Not supper time, bed time, they're not in house babysitters and if you ask you must pay them

I can try to think of more
Back to top

amother
Wine


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 5:00 pm
$500/month, more or less depending on how much food you're providing and whether the room and bathroom are shared.
Meals are included. Shabbos depends on whether the girl lives close enough to go home, if she lives too far you have to be ok with having someone around all the time.
Transportation is not included especially if there is busing to school.
You are responsible for the boarder, a high school girl especially a 9th grader, is still very young. Ground rules should include her letting you know when she going out and what time she's returning.
Back to top

ruchelbuckle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 6:52 pm
I have a boarder. We don't do it for the money, we do it because it's a chesed. She needs a place to live in our city. Of course we get paid, but after all the time and energy we put into her, we don't come away with having made money. We look at the money as covering our costs, and a bit extra to cover any inconveniences.


Our border is in high school. In general, she is part of our family. I basically care for her like she is one of my own kids. This includes:
--eating with us (including shabbos, unless a friend invites her out)
--buying various snacks, lunch items that she likes (within reason)
--giving her rides when needed, just as I would give my own kids. For example, when she needs to go to the airport to go home, we usually drive her.

I have more to say, but need to go now. you can PM me for more info, or if you have specific questions
Back to top

amother
Smokey


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 9:47 pm
I had a high schooler board, though I didn't take money. She was great company for my dd. She went home for Shabbosim.
Back to top

amother
Brown


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 10:16 pm
I've had dds who boarded. The best situations for them was when they were treated like family. My girls are close to their boarding families still. One dd refers to her hostess as her "boarding mom". Another dd calls her hostess 'eema (last name).
Back to top

amother
Linen


 

Post Mon, Jan 22 2018, 11:18 pm
I boarded for one year during the high school, and it was abundantly clear that the family was only in it for the money.

I get it - of course that's why they did it - but to be so blatant about it wasn't pleasant.

There were three of us, each paying $400 a month (15 years ago). We lived in the basement, which was one bedroom, one bathroom, and a small common area. The washer and dryer were down there too, so they came down to use those, and we were allowed to use them too.

It was supposed to include all meals and Shabbos, but we were never made to feel welcome to eat breakfast, and there was rarely anything to take for lunch.

They had a sticker system, where they would sticker the foods (fridge and pantry) with different colors depending on whether the food was only for their family, or for us too. For example, when they realized we all like a particular yogurt, they started stickering it only for their family.

We walked to school, so no rides necessary. We were pretty much expected to stay downstairs in the basement except for dinner and Shabbos meals. They did not let us use their computer (this was pre smart phone days).

They generally didn't really care. I was sick for a week once and nobody bothered to come down and see how I was feeling. The only time they showed eagerness was on payday (my parents would deposit the money into my account, and the boarding mom would take me to the bank to withdraw it).

At that school there was a dorm, and also many others who were boarding with families. The vast majority of the boarding situations did not work out.

The only boarding situations that I have seen be a positive experience all around, was with cousins, or when the family was doing it to have other kids around for their youngest, since the older kids were all away from home already.

I don't mean to paint a totally bleak picture, but it's not an easy situation on either side - for the hosts or the boarders.

I would do pretty much anything else to bring in money first.
Back to top

ruchelbuckle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 23 2018, 9:45 am
I echo the sentiments of linen and brown. The best boarding situations work out when the boarder is treated like family. If you are doing it for the money, there are probably other ways to make the extra cash. Again, we get paid to host our boarder, but after the extra groceries, higher utility bills, and general inconvenience.... we're not pocketing a ton. We do it because it's a chesed: she needs a place to live in our city.

I set rules and expectations for my boarder,just like my own kids. She is expected to help out minimally around the house: keep her own room neat, not eat in her room, change the toilet paper when the roll is empty. If she finishes the milk, she is expected to write it on the shopping list, etc.... nothing major. She is expected to help with shabbos preps, just like everyone else (make brownies from a mix, peel potatoes, tear toilet paper, etc).

she is allowed to have one friend over at a time. If she wants to have more than one friend over, they need to be hanging out on the main floor or in the basement. (gets too noisy, and my kids go to sleep early)

the school has a set curfew. She is expected to be home by that time unless she calls or texts and tells me where she is and how she is getting home.

She is sometimes asked to babysit at other families. My rule is that she needs to confirm with me before accepting. I want to know that the family she will be sitting for is fairly normal and they will not be taking advantage of her (she has a hard time speaking up, so people have tried to pay her too little for a lot of work). They also need to commit to driving her home if it's past 9:30 pm.

She can invite friends for shabbos meals or sleeping over, with advance notice. I don't really like her inviting friends for shabbos meals, because it changes the dynamic of the shabbos table-- too many teenagers. But I put up with it on occassion.

I don't ask her to babysit for free unless the little kids are sleeping. She helps out by holding the baby or reading a story to the little kids, but that's purely a chesed on her part.

I do the same chesed for her like I do for my own kids:

--I don't invite shabbos guests that would be awkward for her to have around.
--If she wants to go to the mall or ice skating on the weekend, I try to give her a ride (at least one way).
--If I'm going to the store, I ask if she wants anything. if I know she likes a certain cereal or fruit, then I buy it for her.
--I purchase birthday and Hannukah gifts for her, just like I do for my own kids.when she is having a play at her school, I take out an ad in the playbill
--when her school is having a fundraiser to raise money for a trip or something fun, I participate.
--she is expected to walk to school on her own, but I can drive her if she's stuck.
--I drive her to the airport when she goes home for shabbos (about once a month). She is expected to let me know as soon as she books a ticket and I make sure I'm available. One the one occasion we couldn't do it, my husband got an uber for her.
-- she is a welcome participant at all of our family simchas.


My particular situation is difficult because my boarder daughter is not particularly expressive or talkative, so we don't have a "warm and fuzzy" relationship. However, my husband and I try our best to make her feel comfortable, even though we have no idea what she's thinking or if she even cares.

hope that helps.
let me know if you have any questions.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Daughter was waitlisted at NJ high schools, what to do?
by amother
17 Today at 10:01 am View last post
Did anyone get accepted to girl’s high school?
by amother
8 Yesterday at 8:14 pm View last post
Searching for unique High School
by amother
35 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:39 pm View last post
When is the last day for high school girls before pesach?
by amother
2 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:06 am View last post
MM for high school principal
by amother
2 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 9:21 pm View last post