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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Wwyd? Flu and playdates



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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 6:40 am
I am due next wk. My neighbor sent her kids to play and invited mine...when I asked her kids if anyone is sick since the flu has been rampant she said 1 child has flu another throwing up. Would u invite children to play in your home without warning mom others are sick? Or send urs over that were exposed...? I feel bad I told children no but was (not) surprised. I always mention illness no matter how mild- she knows I'm due soon isn't that irresponsible(at best?!)
Do YOU tell potential playdates if someone in the home is unwell? Wondering if I'm overreacting. I'm angry she had to make me the mean one and send her daughter home.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 7:01 am
Oh dear. That's not cricket. The last thing you need right now is the flu. My son just came down with the flu and is with his grandparents because I just had a baby and can't have him around.

I always let the other mothers know if the child I'm sending over is sick or if we have other sickies at home. I also notify them if my child comes down with something within a day or two of a playdate so they know their child may have been exposed. I would be especially cautious if the mom is expecting or postpartum.
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ohmygosh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 7:03 am
Of course. That other mom was very irresponsible. All you need is flu in your house and a newborn ch"v. You did the right thing by telling her no.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 7:07 am
Thanks lavender. She is the type I don't trust that's why I asked. Lives in a big beautiful home and I'll see kids go out without coats on. She's a devoted mom and spends lots of time w her kids bit somehow some things she doesn't"get".
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 7:17 am
We had the flu in my house last week and one of my children who is not sick got invited to a friend after school. I told the mother she would love to come but I’m just letting u know a few of us have the flu so not sure it’s a good time for you. She appreciated it and we took a rain check!
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abound




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 7:26 am
amother wrote:
Thanks lavender. She is the type I don't trust that's why I asked. Lives in a big beautiful home and I'll see kids go out without coats on. She's a devoted mom and spends lots of time w her kids bit somehow some things she doesn't"get".


so then why are you angry at her, you know she does not get it already. Everyone has their shortcomings, hers is with being on top of her kids when it comes to coats/ health etc. She did not mean anything by it, she was not trying to something to you, why are you angry??

It is always best to look for the best in ppl and look for ways to keep the peace, not try to make fights or interpret people as being bad.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 7:50 am
abound wrote:
so then why are you angry at her, you know she does not get it already. Everyone has their shortcomings, hers is with being on top of her kids when it comes to coats/ health etc. She did not mean anything by it, she was not trying to something to you, why are you angry??

It is always best to look for the best in ppl and look for ways to keep the peace, not try to make fights or interpret people as being bad.

I'm not angry at her. I dont know her very well but wasn't shocked since I've seen her kids without coats on... I'm angry to hurt her daughter and be that snobby mom. Can u feel anger that's not directed at someone just the situation? Can it be an emotion independent of anyone?! That's how I feel. I'm first person to give others slack for physical shortcomings(I dnt believe better moms take better care of physical needs-within reason of course!)
Ppl hurt me as a child for my parent's shortcomings so I'm angry to be hurting others.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 9:01 am
I don't care how loving this neighbor mom is, she sounds like the neglectful type, and what you did was absolutely right.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 9:41 am
You have the right to protect yourself from germs.

That's all that really needs to be said.






OT: I was the type of kid who was hot all the time, sensory, and hated coats. Somehow, I managed to live, and I wasn't a sicky child. I also drove my mom crazy because she would work herself into a fit trying to make me wear a jacket. You can't always blame the mom.
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 9:55 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
You have the right to protect yourself from germs.

That's all that really needs to be said.






OT: I was the type of kid who was hot all the time, sensory, and hated coats. Somehow, I managed to live, and I wasn't a sicky child. I also drove my mom crazy because she would work herself into a fit trying to make me wear a jacket. You can't always blame the mom.

Yup. One of my kids are more sweaty and I dnt press as much. I dont get neurotic! But I've seen her kids w runny noses and coughing without coats-all of them! I'll even friendly joke to her about it.
Couple of wks ago I saw her going out w her kids (not bundled!)saying they were cooped up from flu needed fresh air! I was floored. She said yeah my dh thinks I'm nuts too but what can I do I needa get out! Idk...in our home when a child is sick they are given teas and stories and relax until THERE IS NO TRACE! maybe I go a bit overboard...but going out w flu has got to be underboard...if thats a word Wink
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 28 2018, 10:10 am
OP you did the right thing. When kids want to play at our home or have one of my kids go to them I always mention if someone in our home is sick so that the mother could decide on her own if she is still comfortable having her kids be exposed to it . It bothers me greatly when I have guests for Shabbos and find out that one of th guests have fever and the other son has strep , or getting over a stomache virus and nobody told me.
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amother
White


 

Post Wed, Jan 31 2018, 8:37 am
This is a real bugbear of mine. Some people just don't thin it's a big deal.

Back in the fall, some friends invited us to spend the afternoon with them. When we got there, they suggested a walk outside because "the baby has a cold so she's appreciate some fresh air." It then transpired that the husband was still sick and was coughing a lot. Of course a few days later, I got sick, then one by one, my kids. Totally wasn't worth it for one afternoon that could have been arranged for any time (they literally invited us that morning!)
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 31 2018, 10:50 am
Yes, when having other kids over I always let the mom know if there is anything contagious around.
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Beingreal




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 31 2018, 2:02 pm
My mom is a secretary in the school where I live and you won't believe how many parents send their kids in without coats in the freezing winter and or send their kids to school with 102 fever only for my mother to call the mother to pick them up!
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 31 2018, 3:22 pm
Beingreal wrote:
My mom is a secretary in the school where I live and you won't believe how many parents send their kids in without coats in the freezing winter and or send their kids to school with 102 fever only for my mother to call the mother to pick them up!


You do know that temperature can rise in a relatively short amount of time....I've sent a perfectly fine child to school, only to be called a few hours later by school nurse telling me child is running a fever.

I wouldn't send a child to school if they had fever the evening before. As per my pediatrician's rule of thumb.

ETA: We don't keep a whole family in isolation if one or two children are sick. OP, your neighbor's kids are going to school, etc...even if they have an ill visit. I do understand your feelings, and would likely skip the playdate myself....but just consider, that if your children go to school with those kids, they are having the playdate anyway, just not in your house.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 31 2018, 3:39 pm
Chayalle wrote:
You do know that temperature can rise in a relatively short amount of time....I've sent a perfectly fine child to school, only to be called a few hours later by school nurse telling me child is running a fever.

I wouldn't send a child to school if they had fever the evening before. As per my pediatrician's rule of thumb.

ETA: We don't keep a whole family in isolation if one or two children are sick. OP, your neighbor's kids are going to school, etc...even if they have an ill visit. I do understand your feelings, and would likely skip the playdate myself....but just consider, that if your children go to school with those kids, they are having the playdate anyway, just not in your house.


Unfortunately, there are mothers that knowingly send to school with fever and have no embarrassment and actually admit it (after the motrin wears off). Witnessed it! I once was accused by a nasty playgroup morah of sending a sick kid because during the day ds developed a fever. He was not feverish in the morning and wasn't acting off. And I'm such a stickler of when in doubt, be absent! But, yes, there are all kinds of parents...and they all love their kids, but they unfortunately have to make choices between their jobs and children.
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