PSA- The sweet table is not for you to take home

southernbubby

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 5:11 pm

I totally agree and I see so many people try to put the goodies in their purse as though this is a totally normal thing to do.

Take a couple of cookies to eat at the gathering and leave the rest for someone else; just like you were taught in kindergarten not to take all the cookies.

mha3484

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 5:24 pm

As a kid when my parents when to simchas and I would babysit, my father would bring me sweets from the dessert table. Nothing excessive but it made me feel cared for. I think its okay to take 2 or 3 cookies or chocolates a whole plateful is tacky.

33055

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 5:27 pm

mha3484 wrote:

And if each person is taking 2 or 3 home, then you need to multiply that and add it to what is needed for the simcha. I don't think the purpose of the sweet table is to make the kids at home cared for.

33055

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 5:32 pm

southernbubby wrote:

I caught one of my daughter's friends practically taking a whole basket of expensive treats in her purse. She kept going back for more. Finally, there were two left.

My mother would have made her give them back. I stood there because it was a disgusting gross piggy thing. Three were other treats besides that basket. That girl needs therapy badly.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 5:33 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I too bring home stuff for my kids. Do you know from were? From the local bakery! I make a stop before heading home.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:06 pm

Squishy wrote:

I see that on the mens side. It is usually the same schnurrers that take the best bottle.

Women are lucky to get one bottle to share with the whole table. Each table on the men's side looks like a batchelor party gone wild, complete with open bar. Rolling Eyes

naturalmom5

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:09 pm

Is this just by the ladies side.

When I go if I take more than. 2 pieces of cake or treats or stuff in alum foil I get the evil eye

I stopped. Going to these things

My husband goes to sh zochors brissin bar mitzvas and stuffs his pockets with candy dried fruits nuts etc
He wraps up several bagels w lox or a whole plate of cold cuts and no one says boo
Sometimes they give him al foil and tell him to take

He would never take a bottle of liquor . Thats stealing already.
But everything else is bcovod godol
Why are the men so generous and nice about it

amother

Ginger

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:11 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Women are lucky to get one bottle to share with the whole table. Each table on the men's side looks like a batchelor party gone wild, complete with open bar. Rolling Eyes

Not a single one of my family’s weddings had anything to drink besides soft drinks and water. If you provide liquor, people will drink like animals. So we don’t provide any.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:14 pm

amother wrote:

Not a single one of my family’s weddings had anything to drink besides soft drinks and water. If you provide liquor, people will drink like animals. So we don’t provide any.

only if you invite animals.

amother

Jetblack

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:16 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

I'm going to be honest. If your husband is taking whole plates of cold cuts and ppl arent looking at him strangely they probably think he is destitute and desperate and this is a form of tzedaka.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:17 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Its not yours to take home. Its ment for the people that got invited to enjoy at the simcha. Its equally stealing.

amother

Violet

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:19 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I do this for my kids. It's my share of cookies that I didn't eat.😉

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:25 pm

By me, it is not uncommon for baalei simchah to want the guests to take things home. I have relatives and friends who regularly tell me to do so. But in general, IME, it tends to happen at the end when there is food left and the hosts see a lot of leftovers. By then, people have taken what they plan to take. So yes, at brises people are often encouraged to pack food for their day when they leave, and at the end of simchos, to take it home.

Kiddushes are a different thing altogether. Most people I know assume you can take a certain amount, whether you plan to eat it there or not. So if I pop in to say mazal tov and am rushing home, I can grab the couple of things I might eat if I stayed and give them to the kids instead.

I don't know how I would handle it in my area where this is common if I needed or wanted for nobody to take anything.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:25 pm

Here's my rule. If I'm eyeing the tables and wanting the extras, I'll wait until the end and volunteer to help clean up. I'll ask the hostess if she has plans for the extras (before they start getting thrown away.) If she doesn't have plans, I say something like "Oh, I just hate to see good food thrown out. Would you mind if I took some?" The answer is almost always "Of course, take all you want!"

The key here, is to stay to the end and offer your help. Then ask graciously, giving the hostess a way to say "I'm planning to freeze the leftovers for Shmueli's birthday party next week." Then I tell her I'm glad the food is not being tossed out and wish mazel tov to her son. Clean up a little bit more, and then bid everyone good night.

IMHO, that is the ONLY classy way to snag extra goodies.

SixOfWands

Wed, Jan 31 2018, 6:25 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

My friend recently had a simcha. When she saw people trying to stuff things in their pockets, she assumed that they didn't have money to buy food, so she asked the caterer to give them a foil pan to take things home. (FTR, she was probably right in this case.) So if no one says anything, I would assume that people think that your family is going hungry, so they don't say a word about your husband taking food. Either that, or they assume that he's socially or mentally off.

Unless you specifically ask, and with the exception of the "for the way home" table at some weddings, food is only to be eaten there. Any extras will be given to the family, or to a food bank.