Someone else’s kid threw up on my dining room floor wwyd?

hello3

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 8:36 pm

So this morning my husbands divorced friend came over for the shabbos meal with his 3 kids. A few minutes after they walked in through the door as they were taking off their coats one of the kids (6 year old) threw up all over my dinning room floor. I don’t do well with throw up with my kids, let alone when it’s someone else’s kid. I ran to the kitchen and stayed there as the father cleaned up.
I am 7 weeks pp and every single one of my kids were sick the last month including my newborn. I can not afford for my kids to catch another sickness. I told my kids to keep away from that child and my husband mumbled “it’s not nice”. The guy stayed for 2 full hours as his kid was sitting on his lap clearly not feeling well. all along he said oh he’s fine it’s nothing he doesn’t have fever. After they FINEALLY left my husband said to me “what do I want it’s not his fault” so I answered “if ur kid throws up in someone else’s house u pack ur bags and leave, esp when there is a newborn in the house. I was extreamly annoyed (but didn’t say anything to the father).
What do u think?

hello3

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 8:54 pm

Op
Why why why on earth did the father think it’s ok to stay?????????????
My husband would have been really mad if I would ask him to leave....
I could barely eat the whole meal I was so nervous esp since the kid was sitting across from me on his fathers lap pale as a ghost.
And what annoyed me the most is that the father tried convincing me his not sick and that he’s fine Banging head

thunderstorm

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:03 pm

I would be upset ,nervous, and annoyed but have pity on the child and offer a blanket and pillow for the child to lie down on, in a different room. Make sure to wash the toilet very well , use disinfectant and gave every one in your family wash their hands with warm water and soap. And wash the dining room floor well too.
The father probably doesn't have his kids often and can't "read" a child if they are sick, like their mother could. It was a hard situation for all and maybe the father thought the kid just overate at the shul kiddush or something. I don't think the father was being neglectful or rude. He just was not aware that his child was really sick.

Happydance

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:20 pm

Huh? You invited a divorced guy with his 3 kids when you were 7 weeks pp?
I don't see anything wrong with inviting them, if you could handle it. But, don't complain when he acts like a single Dad. I would be seriously overwhelmed if I was a single mom in that situation, kal vichomer a guy, who probably would have a harder time managing a sick kid and two others.

Mevater

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:27 pm

Youre 100% right in feeling bad about this, but lets think about the other side of the coin.

Father was invited for meal with children. (That may have been the mistake here, under the circumstances, being that your kids were all just sick and you have a baby).
Father came with kids to eat where he was invited.
Father didnt know kid would vomit.
Father feels like a neb because he doesnt have a wife who cooks for him and goes to different houses.
Kids feel like BIGGER nebs because they go different places on Shabbos and are dealing with the stigma and baggage of divorced parents.
Sons would have been very humiliated to leave and have no food to eat and would have remembered this as an example of tactless Shabbos hosts, had you sent them home or if father would have left on his own and brought them home to a house with no food and host was ok with that.

I dont think if tables were turned and you were the divorced father of these kids, youd feel the same way you do.

These experiences stay with kids their whole lives and affect their impressions of frum people.

Last edited by Mevater on Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

abaker

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:30 pm

I think he should have gone home too! Def a pack up the food and send him on his way kind of deal. Poor kiddo. And I'd for sure offer to go pack up the meal for him while handing him a bottle of clorox wipes and a trash bag to clean up after the kid.

amother

Blonde

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:32 pm

Mevater wrote:

Youre 100% right in feeling bad about this, but lets think about the other side of the coin.

Father was invited for meal with children.
Father came with kids to eat where he was invited.
Father didnt know kid would vomit.
Father feels like a neb because he doesnt have a wife who cooks for him and goes to different houses.
Kids feel like BIGGER nebs because they go different places on Shabbos and are dealing with the stigma and baggage of divorced parents.
Sons would have been very humiliated to leave and have no food to eat and would have remembered this as an example of tactless Shabbos hosts, had you sent them home or if father would have left on his own and brought them home to a house with no food and host was ok with that.

I dont think if tables were turned and you were the divorced father of these kids, youd feel the same way you do.

These experiences stay with kids their whole lives and affect their impressions of frum people.

This! Op if you cant handle to host, don't. But if you do, deal with it.

amother

Bisque

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:34 pm

I would be very nervous to.
But I'm guessing that the kids were staying with the father the whole shabbos? Maybe he didnt have what to feed them? If he only has the kids once in a while he probably doesn't have a well stocked house. Maybe just some nosh for the kids but no real food since they were going out for the meals.
If they could carry, I would have packed up food for them to take home otherwise I would have offered the sick child a blanket and pillow to lie during the meal and wash it after.
Were you serving the meal the whole 2 hours the father was there? or did you serve the whole meal and then the father sat around for a while? I wouldn't feel it was right if the father stayed any longer then then it took to eat the meal as that really wouldn't be fair to the child or you.

hello3

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:40 pm

rlm wrote:

Op here
Forgot to mention, I DID NOT invite! He called to ask if he could come!
And I don’t do well with throw up! Ever! Let alone now.....

amother

Blonde

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:42 pm

hello3 wrote:

Op here
Forgot to mention, I DID NOT invite! He called to ask if he could come!
And I don’t do well with throw up! Ever! Let alone now.....

Why didnt you just say ' sorry, no' you are after a baby. I don't host ever till my baby is 3 months old.

hello3

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:49 pm

amother wrote:

Why didnt you just say ' sorry, no' you are after a baby. I don't host ever till my baby is 3 months old.

Because it’s a very sticky situation and I sort of didn’t have a choice

amother

Purple

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:51 pm

If I was eating out and one of my kids suddenty threw up when we arrived, I would obviously clean it up though I would most certainly not just pick up my two-parent family and leave. Guess I'm socially inept or something? Scratching Head

Mevater

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 9:55 pm

hello3 wrote:

Because it’s a very sticky situation and I sort of didn’t have a choice

LIfe experience here. We all face challenges daily, and we never have any guilt when we behave like we should.

If you know youre the type to show annoyance, in front of the kids who already feel like nebs, you should have politely explained that you cant host, and perhaps lied and said youre not feeling well, when the father asked to come.

watergirl

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 10:13 pm

Mevater wrote:

This is an excellent post and its really sad that OP ignored it.

amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 10:14 pm

Just to give you another possibility, my daughter has a medical condition that causes her to throw up more often than most people. She is not sick nor is she contagious. She can also look or feel ill afterward. Just saying, it exists...

mom2u

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 10:20 pm

I would never send them off! If you weren't up to host yet, you should've told him in advance but once he was invited you've gotta deal with it. I'm sure he wasn't very comfortable either but he didn't choose it and he couldn't have known in advance. And I agree with bizzydizzymommy I would probably offer a cozy blanket and bed and wash it motzei shabbos. It's not easy being sick without a mother around, I wouldn't want to make it harder on the child.

Shoshana37

Sat, Feb 03 2018, 10:26 pm

mom2u wrote:

Agree with this 👆