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Someone else’s kid threw up on my dining room floor wwyd?
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 3:39 am
hello3 wrote:

just for the record I get panic attacks from vomiting.(heart palpitation, restless, I start yelling which I didn’t do in front of the child) Purim we make our own seuda at home because I can’t be around drunk ppl because I’m scared of vomiting. When my own kids vomit unless my husband isn’t around I don’t deal with the kids.


If you actually get full-blown panic attacks from vomit, then you really need to treat your problem with therapy. However, the fact that you can deal with your kids when you have to makes it more likely that you're just grossed out (like most of the human race) and simply have to man up.

You did (more or less) the right thing with your guest. It sounds like you have it in you to cope. Sometimes we do stuff that's hard.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 4:11 am
moonstone wrote:
I actually think it's fine that OP let the father clean his own kid's vomit. It's not the host's job to clean the guest's vomit. If my kid had thrown up, I would certainly clean it up myself and wouldn't dream of letting the host do it,even if they offered.

I would offer to clean, or at least to help.

Or I might help make sure the other 2 kids were taken comfortable.

I would not run out of the room and leave my poor guest alone with a sick child, 2 uncomfortable kids, and a vomit-covered floor!
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 5:50 am
hello3 wrote:
I didn’t ignore it. I didn’t respond to every single post. I don’t think that turning this into a “divorced kid” situation is right. It’s not pleasant for any kid or parent. I just know that if my kid would vomit by someone else I would FLY out of there regardless of if the mom is pp or if my husband is in town.
Also for all of u who are saying that I couldn’t handle it, this has nothing to say w being pp. I do t do well w throw up and now to say “so than don’t invite guest” is not so practical.
I didn’t make the kid feel bad. I didn’t tell them to leave. I told my kids gently to stay away from him cuz I don’t want them getting sick. Turning this into a whole “divorced kid trauma” is totally out of proportion I’m sorry! I would have said it even if it was my niece or nephew. It’s only normal for me not to want my kids to catch it. The same way I get annoyed when a kid throws up in class and the parents don’t come to pick him up. It’s not fair for the rest of the kids that are around period!


You’re the one who started the whole “divorced kid” thing when you mentioned in your op that the guy is divorced. Honestly, the way you wrote your op was with a tone of incredulousness that the father didnt leave with his kids. How dare he sit at the table for 2 hours with a sick kid on his lap!
And be thankful that you dont understand why we are reacting so strongly to your tone. My husband could very well have been this guy before we got married. When he was divorced and had all of his kids visiting (their mother moved them an airplane ride away), he could only afford a tiny apartment with no kitchen, just a small sink, toaster, and george forman grill. He invited himself for shabbos meals most weeks, and eapecially when his kids came to visit! And if a kid puked? I’m sure he would have been embarassed but would have done the same thing. Packing his kids up and going home to no food would have been traumatic for them. You claim you’d “fly out of there” if it was your kid. You’d take your 3 kids and leave? And go home to no food? And have hungry kids to deal with?
And yet you commented about this guy that he called your husband to invite himself for lunch(!!). Can you really not understand why? I was also divorced and I had no one to call up. Shabbos was unbearable many weeks. But at least I had a kitchen and could cook and eventually made new friends whom I hosted often.

We’re all made up of different stuff. We get that. Dh and I are known for our open house and invite often and get calls from people who’d like to come often. When I was pp, we had the same people calling and told them that I cant host until the baby is 6 weeks. I said no because I knew I didnt want to many people around a new baby. You could have said no as well. Its ok. Maybe you should have.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 7:02 am
Am I the only one who agrees with OP? People are making it seem like a grown man with kids has no other options of eating and that he'll starve if he doesn't go to his invited meal. It may not be pleasant to eat at home with kids without company, but nothing will happen from one week of staying home. It's always a good idea to have back up food in case. Hard to say if his kid is sick or not from vomiting. Odds are that if someone vomits, it's because he is sick. If his kid is sick, he can stay home and they can eat matzah and pb and j worse comes to worse. Not menchlech to bring over that illness to someone else. Now again some people aren't sensitive to these things, others are. This thread reminds me of the overeating at Kiddush and taking extra food at Simchas. Be considerate! Just because you don't mind if your guest vomits or is sick in your home, maybe others do care, unless you know for certain that they don't. And second of course the parent should clean up his kid's mess; OP certainly doesn't have to.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 7:06 am
DrMom wrote:
I would offer to clean, or at least to help.

Or I might help make sure the other 2 kids were taken comfortable.

I would not run out of the room and leave my poor guest alone with a sick child, 2 uncomfortable kids, and a vomit-covered floor!

I would let the parent clean the vomit-- my own kids' vomit makes me nauseous enough. However, as many other kind posters suggested, I would provide a blanket and pillow (b"H I have a washing machine I can throw them into after Shabbat) and make the kid comfortable on the couch. Or if he preferred to have his father hold him, what's the big deal. School age kids are exposed to germs all the time.
As a married mother of several, I don't think I would offer to leave if my kid threw up. What exactly would I feed everybody at home? I'd clean up, make sure kid stayed away from others (OP, telling your kids to stay away was unnecessary and bordered on nasty) and move on with being hosted.
OP, stuff happens. Maybe you shouldn't host until you're physically and emotionally up to it.
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Culturedpearls




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 7:11 am
amother wrote:
Am I the only one who agrees with OP? People are making it seem like a grown man with kids has no other options of eating and that he'll starve if he doesn't go to his invited meal. It may not be pleasant to eat at home with kids without company, but nothing will happen from one week of staying home. It's always a good idea to have back up food in case. Hard to say if his kid is sick or not from vomiting. Odds are that if someone vomits, it's because he is sick. If his kid is sick, he can stay home and they can eat matzah and pb and j worse comes to worse. Not menchlech to bring over that illness to someone else. Now again some people aren't sensitive to these things, others are. This thread reminds me of the overeating at Kiddush and taking extra food at Simchas. Be considerate! Just because you don't mind if your guest vomits or is sick in your home, maybe others do care, unless you know for certain that they don't. And second of course the parent should clean up his kid's mess; OP certainly doesn't have to.


You’re quite correct to apply all of the above to YOURSELF not to someone else whose situation you cannot possibly know or understand.
We can only expect from ourselves not from others. Others you need to apply Ahavas Yisroel & be Dan L’kaf Zchus.
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Rachel Shira




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 7:12 am
amother wrote:
Am I the only one who agrees with OP? People are making it seem like a grown man with kids has no other options of eating and that he'll starve if he doesn't go to his invited meal. It may not be pleasant to eat at home with kids without company, but nothing will happen from one week of staying home. It's always a good idea to have back up food in case. Hard to say if his kid is sick or not from vomiting. Odds are that if someone vomits, it's because he is sick. If his kid is sick, he can stay home and they can eat matzah and pb and j worse comes to worse. Not menchlech to bring over that illness to someone else. Now again some people aren't sensitive to these things, others are. This thread reminds me of the overeating at Kiddush and taking extra food at Simchas. Be considerate! Just because you don't mind if your guest vomits or is sick in your home, maybe others do care, unless you know for certain that they don't. And second of course the parent should clean up his kid's mess; OP certainly doesn't have to.


The kid seemingly didn’t get sick until they got there.
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hello3




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 8:28 am
watergirl wrote:
You’re the one who started the whole “divorced kid” thing when you mentioned in your op that the guy is divorced. Honestly, the way you wrote your op was with a tone of incredulousness that the father didnt leave with his kids. How dare he sit at the table for 2 hours with a sick kid on his lap!
And be thankful that you dont understand why we are reacting so strongly to your tone. My husband could very well have been this guy before we got married. When he was divorced and had all of his kids visiting (their mother moved them an airplane ride away), he could only afford a tiny apartment with no kitchen, just a small sink, toaster, and george forman grill. He invited himself for shabbos meals most weeks, and eapecially when his kids came to visit! And if a kid puked? I’m sure he would have been embarassed but would have done the same thing. Packing his kids up and going home to no food would have been traumatic for them. You claim you’d “fly out of there” if it was your kid. You’d take your 3 kids and leave? And go home to no food? And have hungry kids to deal with?
And yet you commented about this guy that he called your husband to invite himself for lunch(!!). Can you really not understand why? I was also divorced and I had no one to call up. Shabbos was unbearable many weeks. But at least I had a kitchen and could cook and eventually made new friends whom I hosted often.

We’re all made up of different stuff. We get that. Dh and I are known for our open house and invite often and get calls from people who’d like to come often. When I was pp, we had the same people calling and told them that I cant host until the baby is 6 weeks. I said no because I knew I didnt want to many people around a new baby. You could have said no as well. Its ok. Maybe you should have.


I’m really sorry that that was your husbands experience. I really am. But in this case it’s not the story. He has a beautiful spacious apt with a full size kitchen and he ate there Friday night so he had food, plus I would have sent him home with food. So that’s not terrible. Also, ppl mentioned “tactless frum bla bla” turning this kids vomiting to a whole traumatic divorced experience. The reason I mention that fact in my op is because I know ppl would have asked “where was the mother?” So I clarified that from the beginning not because I thought that this kid is a bigger nebach for throwing up.
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abaker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 8:48 am
I don't think the op is "not really up to host" yet, it's more about the guy who's sick kid threw up and should have taken the kid home to rest. Had the kid not throw up I don't think hosting would have been such an issue.
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hello3




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 9:06 am
abaker wrote:
I don't think the op is "not really up to host" yet, it's more about the guy who's sick kid threw up and should have taken the kid home to rest. Had the kid not throw up I don't think hosting would have been such an issue.

Exactly! Iv been hosting a few weeks already. And I would have been just as mad at the father even if I wasn’t pp. one thing has nothing to do with the other. I also think that if he knew I have a 7 week old in the house he should have left so much more...
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 9:10 am
I would have been upset because of the newborn baby. But if that wasn't a factor, and there were no newborns in the house, I would like to think I would've taken it in stride. This is part of life, the same way some kids will have a bathroom emergency at a host's house.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 9:12 am
abaker wrote:
I don't think the op is "not really up to host" yet, it's more about the guy who's sick kid threw up and should have taken the kid home to rest. Had the kid not throw up I don't think hosting would have been such an issue.


I agree with this more than anything else said so far. We don't have to say "yes" to every request; we can tell the person to call back in a month and we will see how we are faring. Children are unpredictable. They barf, have bathroom accidents and break things. I have seen this situation in the past, where divorced fathers wanted to spend Shabbos with the kids but either had no way to provide it or didn't have the wherewithal to properly supervise and physically care for the kids. The question also is, what does this father do after the meal; does he take the children home or does he expect the hostess or the hostess's older children to entertain them?

When extending ourselves to help anyone, we have to decide how much we can handle and how far we are willing to go. Then we have to set boundaries so that a meal doesn't mean a whole day of extra children to care for that causes undue stress on the hostess who has her own small children or who may need her Shabbos afternoon to recharge for the week ahead.

The father should have been asked to clean it up and been given spray and tissues and a plastic bag. He would have had to do that if the child would have vomited in his apartment. It is not unusual that a hostess doesn't want to clean up other children's vomit. He may be one of those clueless types that assume that others are there to take care of him and that might have been an element in his failed marriage. It is important to be direct in setting boundaries with that type of person since they often don't even realize that they are taking unfair advantage of others. In order to be able and willing to continue to invite him, he has to know the ground rules.

I would not have sent them home as I agree with culturedpearls in that the cruelty of being sent home would probably not be forgotten.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 9:14 am
hello3 wrote:
Exactly! Iv been hosting a few weeks already. And I would have been just as mad at the father even if I wasn’t pp. one thing has nothing to do with the other. I also think that if he knew I have a 7 week old in the house he should have left so much more...



But were the other guests single fathers and small children? This seems like a more demanding guest than either single adults or couples with small children.
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 4:46 pm
What does this have to do with divorced parents? If a couple came to my home and their kid threw up, I'd help clean up and make the child comfortable in a back bedroom and then go on with my meal so the parents and everyone else could have a normal dinner.
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mame1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 7:52 pm
Yes, you should have told him to leave.

"Your kid is sick, I have a newborn, and my kids are just getting over an illness. Sorry the kids can't play/we can't spend time with you, but I think you should go home."

It's wrong, but obviously you're going to have to be the one to say something. For whatever reason, your husband wasn't going to be the one to say something. People shouldn't go to other people's homes with their sick kids. It's not for him to say "oh it's nothing"- he's not a doctor. Kids can be, and usually are, contagious before they actually have a fever. There's enough germs inside of your house. Your home should be your safe place- you clean to get rid of the germs. You should be able to sit wherever you want and not have to worry if some outside germs have gotten in. You shouldn't have to hide in the kitchen.
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