S/O Do you respect thin/pretty people more

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Hotpink

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 2:44 pm

I find that people act differently toward people who are pretty and thin. Like completely differently. Even with a higher “respect” than money (just throwing that in bec I’m spinning off that thread). It’s like you can see that they just want to be that person sometimes. Does anyone else notice this?

cnc

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 2:46 pm

I can only speak for myself and the answer is absolutely not.

Shendellah

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 2:54 pm

I once had a friend tell me that I would get more attention and further in life if I lost some weight. She was thin and considered very attractive...(this was before I got married)

Those painful words hurt me even today! I still have body image issues. But BH I have a wonderful husband and family and I would never trade places with her in a million years.

amother

Olive

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 2:54 pm

Nope. I don't.
It's not respect that you're seeing; it's something else.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 2:55 pm

This is definitely true of some people. I have gained weight and there are some people that definitely approach me differently. It's very painful.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:03 pm

Absolutely not.
The way a person looks is not important. The way a person behaves and their actions are what matters.
I don't judge anyone on the way they look. A lot of others do, however I have been through my fair share in life to appreciate that you can never know about anyone from the way they look and that everyone deserves to be treated with respect because they are a human being.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:07 pm

amother wrote:

Nope. I don't.
It's not respect that you're seeing; it's something else.

That’s a good point. What would you say it is?

Shoshana37

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:08 pm

I speak for myself and I absolutely don’t.

Zehava

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:08 pm

I think there is definitely a bias out there towards thin and attractive people.

flowerpower

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:09 pm

May you feel like that as a person because you are insecure in your own body( not you directly).

amother

Plum

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:09 pm

It's lovely how everyone on this thread is saying that they don't judge based on appearance, but in fact, almost everyone does.

This reminds me of a story about my grandmother. My grandmother was a "chunky" person - not necessarily fat, but big boned, large, etc. And she was a lovely person and we all (grandchildren and random strangers included) loved and adored her.

When she was in her late 70's, she had some serious health issues, and she lost some weight. Random people would come over to me and say "it's so nice that your grandmother looks so good now!" And this wasn't just one person, but quite a large number.

To be honest, I had never noticed that she was overweight, and I was shocked and bewildered by the fact that others not only had noticed, but were commenting on how much better she looked now that she lost weight! I know I am over-reacting, but to me, it was honestly no-ones business if she was overweight or not, and certainly not enough anyone's business to comment on it. But people obviously do notice.

Kiwi13

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:10 pm

I used to have an eating disorder and I definitely looked at thin/heavy people differently, but it had nothing to do with respect. I was secretly in competition with every woman I met - who was thinner, me or her? I was much more comfortable around heavier women. Not just because I “won” the competition, but because I assumed if she was heavier AND still somehow happy and functioning in life, she must have some hidden wisdom and security that I didn’t have.

I think we all approach this kind of thing through the lens of our own baggage. I suspect it seldom has anything to do with respect.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:13 pm

As Jews, we should be above those kinds of judgements.

Unfortunately, most of us live in a society that constantly bombards us with messages about fat vs. thin, being glamorous, zexy, etc. Subliminally, these biases can sink in, and we won't even know it.

I think that like racism, we may really WANT to not be sizeist, but when those biases crop up, we have an obligation to examine them and root them out.

Every time you feel a bit of judgement coming on, STOP, and replace it with acceptance and compassion. You never know what a person's body struggles are, and it's none of our business to have an opinion about it.

relish

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:35 pm

I'll be completely honest, under my username.

Yes, I do have to overcome some judgement toward others when interacting with them.

Whether it's their weight, their looks, their background, their socio-economic status, their religious status, their intelligence, their skills, or anything else that may trigger me into judging them at that moment in time, if I wasn't self aware, I would continue to judge, somewhat subconsciously.

When it's subconscious, then it's not easy for the one carrying the judgements to notice and self reflect in that way, so, it would be really difficult to discern whether or not one is truely judgemental in this way.

I guess I'm lucky enough to be self-aware and pick up on my judgements. This allows me the privilege of being able to let the judgements go, and redirect the mental and emotional energy towards trust, acceptance and compassion.

So, in short: yes, I do judge, but it comes across different than you may think.

thunderstorm

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:44 pm

Shendellah wrote:

To me, every bit of physical beauty your friend has would be worthless if this is the way she could talk to her friend. She obviously felt superior because of her looks. I am not a fan of people like that. I actually get very turned off and do not respect such people .

agreer

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:44 pm

I do NOT respect them more, but I'm also not thin/pretty/especially attractive.

I might be a tad jealous. Just being honest here.

However, I do think people are nicer to the more attractive people - not necessarily because they are respected more, but just because they are easy on the eyes. Hashem made the world that people are attracted to pretty things. That's how it is.

People definitely treat fatter people more poorly

FranticFrummie

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:44 pm

relish wrote:

I love this post, and I really respect your honesty!

amother

Olive

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 3:49 pm

amother wrote:

That’s a good point. What would you say it is?

Jealousy/flattery/hormones (especially men reacting to pretty women)

sirel

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:16 pm

I'm not thin and I don't ever feel disrespected

amother

Blonde

Mon, Feb 05 2018, 4:23 pm

I am very thin and I do not consider myself attractive. As a matter of fact I know of plenty of heavy woman who to me are stunning.
So no I do not respect thin people more. Or pretty people. what did the skinny or pretty person do that makes her deserving of higher respect. Nothing.

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